LogFAQs > #885639383

D) You've caused enough damage to this office. Flee.

You're new at this, everybody bombs their first gig. Sometimes people boo a new songwriter, sometimes nobody laughs at a new comedian's jokes, and sometimes a new hero destroys an office building. Everybody's got obstacles they need to get through when they first start.

You can't let one bad hero performance ruin the rest of your career though. You better get out of here before the police show up and blacklist you from heroing. You turn to Katie and say, "Hey, I'm gonna get going. I guess beginner's luck isn't a thing for everybody, huh?"
Katie's lip trembles as she surveys the wreckage. "How did you do that?"
"I tried to kill the fly," you respond. "I missed it though, it's still buzzing around."
"N-no, I mean how did you destroy the entire office with a single clap? Like what are you?" she asks.
"The ad is pretty clear, I thought," you tell her. "Says hero right on it."
"Well yeah, but I thought you were like the thoughtful and innovative business solutions type of hero, not like an actual superhero!" she exclaims.
"I started the flyer in WordArt and almost ran out of room so I printed it out and finished it with crayon. What part of that says business solutions to you?" you demand.
Katie's fear seems to be subsiding into awe, but she's still clutching the front of her shirt tightly. "How did you get your powers?"
"Uh, well if you eat sixty Snack Pack pudding cups in an hour, it unlocks a new level of consciousness and physical ability that humans have never seen before. Unfortunately, the pudding never leaves your body and you look like this forever."
Upon hearing your answer, Katie's awe rushes away and her fear returns.
"Well, sorry about the office. This was my first hero attempt. I know it didn't go so well, but if you could not fuck me up on Yelp I'd really appreciate it," you request. "You'd be the only review and having a one hundred percent negative score wouldn't be good for business."
"You're literally still swearing," Katie folds her arms.
"I'm gonna fuck you up on Yelp," Janice chimes in.
"I'll fuck you up in real life, Janice!" you yell instinctually.
Katie grabs your arm and pulls you away, "She doesn't even know what Yelp is, please just go Pudding Man."
"Shit, I really hope Pudding Man doesn't catch on," you sigh.
"Get out of here!" Katie commands.
"Right. Sorry again," you apologize as you walk back to the entrance and out of the building.

Meatballs is still outside, staring at Sloan Harbor Insurance in disbelief. The bench Meatballs was eating his sandwich at was right outside the wall you sent all the cubicles flying at. The windows are all broken, chairs and desks shoved halfway through them. As he sees you exit, he shouts out, "What the hell did you do in there?!"
"Oh, it wasn't me," you lie.
A man lying stuck halfway out of a window, lodged between the window frame and displaced desk, groans, "Yeah... yeah it was him."
"Not cool, man," you scold him. "I wouldn't have ratted you out if you did this."
"Why?" Meatballs cries in bewilderment. "We're just a small family owned insurance company. Why would you do this?"
"It was an accident," you confess.
---

You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.