LogFAQs > #886111255

"And how'd you hide the smell when you got back?"
"I'd pop a mint or a stick of gum. Maybe put a little cologne on," he says. "But I haven't been doing that as much lately. I think she's just gradually gotten used to the stink over time. She's out of town right now, but I'm not dumb enough to smoke in the apartment."
You're not so sure about his level of intelligence. "So you spontaneously just go for a walk more than three times a day and would come back wearing cologne with a minty mouth? She probably thought you were having an affair," you tell him.
"Oh shit," he mutters.
"But when she figured out the truth, she was probably so relieved it wasn't an affair she just let you keep on smoking," you finish.
The man nods slowly. "Are you saying I could have an affair as long as my wife thinks I'm doing something much worse initially?"
You laugh. "Yeah I guess so, I don't know. Maybe."

The man sticks his cigarette in his mouth and extends his hand. "Jimmy."
You shake his hand. Jimmy has blue eyes and dark auburn hair that's parted on the left side. His beard appears to be freshly trimmed and looks to be a lighter shade of red than his head. "Hero," you tell him.
"Hiro?" he inquires, a little confused. "You look pretty white to be a Hiro."
You don't bother correcting him. "I get that a lot."
"You live in the building, Hiro?" Jimmy asks.
"Nope."
"You visiting someone here?"
"Nope."
"Then how'd you get on the roof?" Jimmy wonders aloud as he looks around and takes another puff of his cigarette.
"I jumped," you tell him.
"Y-you jumped up a five story building?" Jimmy stammers. "And now you're just sitting here, weirdly making creepily accurate assumptions about my wife and I?"
You calmly roll off the side of the building.
"OH MY GOD!" Jimmy shouts as he rushes to the edge and leans over to see you treading air, bringing yourself to a gentle landing on the pavement. You squat and launch yourself back up to the roof next to Jimmy in a single bound.

Jimmy's brain takes a moment to process his new reality. He seems to connect the dots. "Ah, Hero. Not Hiro-san."
"That was mildly racist, Jimmy."
"Is Hero really your superhero name? That's a little lazy and frankly uninspired. Is your supersuit a beige polo and a sensible pair of khakis you bought on clearance at TJ Maxx?" Jimmy ribs you.
"I haven't thought of a name to be honest," you admit. "And I just came from a place where people were calling me Pudding Man, so anything's better than that really."
Jimmy makes a strained effort to not look down at your stomach. "I can't- I don't... I uh- can't imagine where people would get that name from."
At least he tried. "Thanks, Jimmy."
"So what are you doing on the roof?" he tries to change the subject.
"Listening to a police scanner, trying to find some crime to stop," you tell him. "But all the chatter is unfortunately about me."
"Why's that?" Jimmy asks with a quizzical look.
"I kinda accidentally destroyed most of an office building on the edge of town, so now all the cops are mainly concerned with that," you reply.
"Interesting..." Jimmy takes a step back.
"What's interesting about it?" you demand.
Jimmy shrugs. "It's just I've uh, never met a superhero before. I just figured that heroes were like... good at their jobs, I guess?"
"Thanks, Jimmy," you say, thinking about rolling off the roof again. "By the way, I don't feel guilty about the office incident at all," you say sarcastically.
---

You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.