LogFAQs > #888152792

You look over at Marco who seems to be in physical pain and his face is as red as a pissless Jerry, but he's at the very least trying to be respectful by not laughing out loud.
"One day at college I'm getting ready to take a whiz when somebody pulls up at the urinal next to me and I think 'Oh here we go again'. But I look over and it's just a friend of mine, Todd. What a relief! It's not a stranger, I can go in peace. I wanted to cry tears of happiness, but not out of my eyes. However, the tears don't come. I still can't go. The whole process just repeats itself like I never met this guy before. After Todd leaves the bathroom I punched a paper towel dispenser in frustration. I was so angry, but I didn't know who to be angry at. I couldn't help what was happening to me. I saw Todd later that week. He was distant. Our friendship never recovered. I miss the way things used to be... before I couldn't pee in front of Todd."
Bryant, while slightly annoyed that Jerry stole his line, seems surprisingly sympathetic to Jerry's story.
"Anyways, I soon figured out a common thread between the people I can't urinate in front of," Jerry says. "Everyone my bladder failed near, I thought was cooler than I was. I don't know why this makes me freeze up, but it does. If I ever peed in front of you before eighteen months ago, you may not realize it but it was possibly the biggest insult you've received in your lifetime. I listened to some self help tapes, got a little more confident, and can pee in front of more people than I could before. I just need to avoid my triggers. Like, an alcoholic should never go to a bar. And for me, if I ever see a guy in a leather jacket at a urinal, I should go pee in a stall. Still, there are so many things in my life that are outside of my control - like my height, my bladder issue, and the turmoil in the Middle East - that I need something to feel like I'm in control. This is it. Everyone in this room is under our control. Waving a loaded gun around seems to make everyone forget that my flesh gun ain't loaded."

"Thanks... thanks for sharing Jerry," you say. Bryant's reasoning that he's here because an underfunded education system and an overworked mother failed him seems a little more valid than Jerry's "I don't pee good" story, but you decide not to tell him that. Instead you decide to move onto Marco. "And you?"
"I am addicted to heroin," Marco says. "I am currently out of heroin and do not have money to buy more heroin. I do not have a job to buy heroin because I was fired for missing too many shifts."
"Why did you miss your shifts?" the bravest hostage in the world asks from the edge of the room.
"Funny story," Marco replies. "I was actually high on heroin. So yeah, that's my John Q story... heroin."
"...Maybe we should have started with you, Marco," you say.
"Yeah," he agrees. "But hey, at least the three of us can see what prison heroin is like thanks to Jimmy's bad intel."
"I'm never going to be able to pee in front of a mysterious cellmate," Jerry confesses. "Thanks a lot, Jimmy."
"This Jimmy have red hair by any chance? Lives uptown with his wife and smokes in secret?" you ask.
Bryant perks up a bit. "Yeah, what do you know him or something?"
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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.