LogFAQs > #892895715

Every day is a nightmare, and it's getting worse. I can hear her sad cry everywhere I go. I have had very vivid dreams about her. In one dream, she had me fully convinced she was alive. As I slowly became lucid, I said "This isn't real... is it...?" She looked down sad, and shook her head.

She kissed my forehead and said, "I'm just visiting you until you come join me in Heaven." And she smiled at me. I tried to hug her so tight in an effort to "save her", and I fell right through her as she faded like Obi-Wan/Yoda from Star Wars 4/6. In her clothes fell the necklace I have that contains her ashes. I woke up screaming and crying, like I do most nights.

My double vision finally went away around Halloween, and my memory starts forming around then, as well. I don't remember coming back to my home state... I barely remember making the topic here on POTD. My left foot is numb, my left knee hurts (I walk with a slight limp), and I cannot lift anything heavier than an empty water bottle with my left hand. They believe it was because the right side of my brain was injured in the wreck, and it has 0% improvement. I have to find a specialist, like a neurologist, that works on a sliding scale... because obviously money is really bad right now for me. But 0 improvement on using one of my hands is a little scary. I have been attending intense greif counciling. I don't really see the point, (I don't really see the point in anything), but she's nice and I don't mind talking about it. So what's there to lose by talking? I think she's a nice lady and very professional. I may attend group therapy, especially if I can find one for people widowed, but that's a little down the road.

I want to thank all of you for how much love you have shown. I didn't mean to scare anyone with my last topic, and my heart melted to hear that so many of you genuinely cared about me and this horror. I was super suprised when Foxx reached out to me. I've been spending a lot of time staying with friends, or hanging out with friends. I don't like to be alone very often with the extremely loud silence of her (physical) absence. I have shared a laugh and a smile with a few of my good friends since the wreck, but it is akin to two people in The Walking Dead sharing a laugh in a survivors' camp. Yes, it is a beautiful moment between two humans, and I cherish every second with my loved ones... but the world is still dying around me. I don't wish the horror and demons my soul is facing on even my worst enemies.

Thank you for taking the time to read this (and if you shared my GFM, or donated... you are seroiusly just the best.)

Do me a favor, and please... don't take life for granted. Don't wait for tomorrow to tell someone you love them, or to forgive someone in your life... or to apologize to someone you love. Tomorrow may never come. I love you all.
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IT'S TOO LATE... TO GO BACK... I let darkness.. seep through the cracks...
Love is bleeding, I curse my breathing... the day is gone.. the day is gone...