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| Topic | CE Confessions Topic |
| ShinigamiSoul 01/30/18 10:20:31 PM #17: | "I'm a convicted [redacted] and registered [redacted]. I was convicted on 2 counts of "attempted pandering of sexually oriented material involving [redacted]" and 1 count of "possession of criminal tools." In real words, I was downloading [redacted]. And now, about 7 years later, I believe it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Most people just automatically assume that if you look at [redacted], it's because you're a [redacted]. But I can honestly tell you that I am not sexually attracted to [redacted]. No [redacted] has ever been in danger when around me. I do not walk down the street, see a [redacted] in a short skirt, and think "damn she's sexy." My offense was not because of a desire to be [redacted]. It goes much deeper than that. I've been extremely depressed for basically my entire life. This depression led to me pretty much shutting myself off and isolating from the world at a very young age. I had very few friends throughout middle/high school and rarely left the house to do anything. It got a little better senior year, when I starting hanging out with a small group that was as into video games as I was. But it was pretty limited. When I went to college I opened up a bit more and made a decent number of friends. I started smoking [redacted], and I think that marginally helped with my depression (still, at this point, undiagnosed and untreated). But I was still a pretty quiet guy and wasn't fond of going to parties. I met an incredible girl sophomore year and absolutely fell in love with her. It was the first time I'd ever experienced something I could call an actual emotion. Up until that point it had only been vague ideas of "this is generally considered to be a happy event, so I should smile" or "this is a moment where most people would be sad, so I guess I'll act sad so people don't think I'm weird for not caring." And yes, I actually did have to PRETEND to be sad at my own grandpa's funeral. Not because he wasn't a great person, or because I didn't miss him, but because I genuinely could not FEEL anything at all. I was like a robot going through the motions and cheaply imitating humanity...until I met her. It was great for a time. We hung out literally every single day. She would come over to my place immediately after our classes and we'd spend the rest of the day smoking, watching TV, playing video games, and just generally enjoying each others' company. I'd never connected so completely with another person before. And I knew she felt the same way about me. But in the end, the depression was too much. I had convinced myself that if we were a couple there were only two possible outcomes. Either she would lift me up out of my misery, or I would drag her down into it. I didn't believe it was possible for me to be happy, so I was certain that I would just make her miserable too. And she deserved better than that..." To Be Continued --- I dont want a sig! ... Copied to Clipboard! |
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