LogFAQs > #904240555

See, I'd understand if this was one relationship and she had no idea what she was going into. But 3 relationships. THREE RELATIONSHIPS. One of which she ended up getting married in. And you mean to tell me that in NOT ONE of those relationships did you recognize traits to avoid getting into a situation like this? This is the height of stupidity. At some point you need to do some self-reflection and assess what you want and how to get it. If you're looking for a person in a relationship, think about what kind of person you want and what kind of traits they would have to be that ideal person. If you want a guy who's not always bloody broke, why would you go after a broke artist? You expect him to make it big by your sheer presence? How the **** does that make any sense? If your standards for dating a guy is A) be cute/hot/attractive and B) give you sex, realize there's an ocean of guys out there that meet that criteria, you're taking a gamble and will probably end up with the bare minimum.

What angers me most about this post is that she still won't be able to tell a "manchild" from a "man" until after she sleeps with them. She acknowledges that they don't care about her needs, but she can't put 2 and 2 together to see that sleeping with these so called "manchildren" will perpetuate their mindset. These guys don't need much to be happy. Just some booze, sex, and someone to take care of them. They're not looking for a strong emotional bond. So it's no big deal to them if she sleeps with them but says "Oh, I don't want to be in a relationship with you, you're not man enough for me!". Good, that's how they want it. No strings attached.

Yes, I'm ranting, I'm salty, or whatever, but I keep hearing stories like these from my female friends. What it appears to me is that they're looking for traits of good, well kept together guys, looking for ambition in other blokes who are complacent in low effort lifestyles. It doesn't work that way. People only change when they have to. You might say having a kid would change someone, but that's only if the kid's well being, is dependent on the person.

I had a friend who essentially shot herself in the foot by being too independent and having a kid with a guy who's more than likely depressed, struggling to find a job if he was even trying (probably gave up on his dreams), and living back at home. She did everything on her own, finding a place for her to stay to raise her kid, landing a job in her field that she wanted, she has life completely downpact, but when she realized that she needed to integrate the father into the kid's life, it was practically impossible. He wouldn't do anything unless she specifically instructed him to, never took the initiative at any time. Even when she made a daily calendar update on his phone to remind him to give the kid a call on the iPad, he never did it unless she called him up to talk to her. It got to the point where she gave up trying to train him to be a father.

I'm digressing but the point is, you can complain and rant, but you still need to take steps in the right direction if you want achieve a goal or solution. Placing the blame on others isn't going to get you anywhere and there's always room for self-improvement.
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