LogFAQs > #930763551

You slide the arm of your sunglasses out from the neck of your tanktop and put them on. You see a mostly empty parking lot riddled with potholes. You can't tell if the cars that are present were recently driven here or left behind years ago. You turn around again to see a brick building with the name "Live Hides and Smooth Rides" proudly emblazoned on the sign above the doorway. There's a man on a ladder spreading white paint sloppily across the bricks.

You uneasily creep over to the building, already feeling the sweat start to bead on the back of your neck. The man on the ladder notices your approach and calls out, "Hey! Hey buddy! Can you help me out here?" You look up to see a man in dark jeans and a white tanktop. His sunglasses are sitting underneath the ladder and his bandanna is on the ground, half of it laying in a pan of white paint.
"What do you need?" you shout up to him.
"Can you go to that cooler over there and get me another one of these?" he slurs as he shakes an empty beer can before trying to lob it into the cooler. The can clatters to the pavement and rolls into one of the several other empty cans surrounding the cooler.
"Do you think you should really be drunk on a ladder?" you reason with him.
"Painting's so boooooring though," he argues. "Gotta do it with a bit of a - *hic* - bit of a buzz."
You stare intently at the cooler with only one thought coursing through your head. What would Jesus do? This ladder drunk would like a beer, so maybe the best option is to just give him one. Although, maybe it's your duty as an angel to protect this guy from himself. Drinking and ladderplay is very dangerous. Jesus was a carpenter from a time without electricity, he probably encountered his fair share of ladder drinkers. You wish he spent a little more time spelling out how to handle these situations instead of his standard cover letter of bathe the sick and feed the blind, or whatever.
"Buddy?" he calls out again.
"Uh yeah, just a sec," you comply as your grab a beer from the cooler and hand it up to him.
"Could I actually get one more?" he pleads. "I'm not sure when someone's gonna walk by again."
"I... I can't," you tell him, holding up your plastic bag of prayers. "I gotta go inside, I think."

As you enter Live Hides and Smooth Rides, you look to your right to see an entire wall of stainless steel auto supplies. Turning your head to the left, you see a large selection of animals in tanks and cages. Finally, looking dead ahead you see a man wearing overalls and a safari hat. He looks to be in his late forties, inconsistent stubble plaguing his face, and a permanent sunburn across his arms. "Welcome to Live Hides and Smooth Rides! Can I get you an almost healthy baboon? Or a muffler?"
"I um... hi," is all you can manage to say, bewildered by the spectacle of this man and his no-purpose store.
"Hey there yourself. Can I help you with anythang or d'you wanna have a look see 'round yourself?" he asks.
"Um... what do you have?" you ask the storeowner.
"Heh," he lets out a short, girthy laugh. "My name is Craig Dump and I have everythang you lookin' for."
"Craig Dump?" you repeat.
He grabs your hand and pulls you in close. "Craig Dump," he confirms directly into your ear canal.

Craig Dump brings you to a tank with a large black snake coiled inside it. The snake looks entirely too big for the container it's being kept in. "This here's just a big ol' snake."
"What kind of snake is it?" you ask.
"It's one of them big ones," Craig replies as if it's an answer.
"Is it venomous?"
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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.