LogFAQs > #942181547

I cant hold onto anything good in my life. I somehow always either fuck it up, or it turns out I faked my way into it and wasnt good enough to make it.

Every attempt to better myself and my situation ends the same way.

the people around me are too attached to some nostalgic and idealized version of me they have in their head that they wont admit they only love me out of habit. Without that fake image Id be totally contemptible and their misguided love just makes me feel like shit, so I distance myself from them since it ends up being less painful

theres this sucking pain in my chest that physically hurts me, like its pulling all the energy into a black hole.

i feel too stupid to change. I know where I need to make changes but the path forward is completely opaque. No amount of google searching or bugging others for ideas presents a solution that I can use. I either am flatly inelligible or do not have the resources to pursue it. And the only way to procure those resources is to better my life. Its an impossible catch-22.

i just want to fall asleep and not wake up. Im tired of all these stupid people trying to convince me of how much they like me. Theyre trying to keep me here because they think my disappearance would make them suffer. Because theyd feel guilty if I went through with it and they didnt do everything and say everything on societys unwritten checklist of platitudes. If you tell someone you love them enough times, it means its not your fault and dont have to feel bad

not that I would do anything like that, mind you. This stupid ass topic is just venting because tbh I need to. I dont have any constructive way of addressing these issues in real life so I just spit it into the void of Internet garbage where itll float for a few days before disappearing forever.