LogFAQs > #946739360

For those of you who asked, this is whats been going on:

I havent really spoken to anyone about this partially because Im still not comfortable talking about it but when I was a child, I was touched sexually by an older individual. Ive done my best to block the memory out but its been getting worse throughout the years.

I dont really talk to many people anymore. I had somewhat of a fallout with my old group of friends. Basically, a kid introduced in our group liked to post suicide videos and animal torture in our group chat. I would tell him to knock it off and we would get into it. He knew that I had suicidal tendencies so he would use that to egg me on and he expressed how much joy he would get out me killing my self. The others would just laugh along with him. I thought these guys were my friends for years but I suppose not.

I havent been taking care of myself, either. Not eating much and barely sleeping. I cant sleep from all of these nightmares I have. Ive lost interest in all of my hobbies and Im not motivated to do well in college anymore. My family has a lot of expectations of me and whenever I let them down, its not good. If I drop out of school, Ill have to leave the house again and Id rather not do that especially considering the state of the world right now.

Ive taken medicine, tried to eat healthy, exercise, and whatever else but none of it helps. Its gotten to the point where I can barely function these days. My past, especially the stay at the psych ward last year, haunts me and Im not really sure what to do about it.

I would try and confide in my family but it doesnt work out. My mother would tell me to get over myself. My father wouldnt say anything. My sister would still think Im a loser. My brother would just tell me to move on and these feelings will go away. They just dont understand mental health.

These last few days have been awful. Every day is a bad day for me but its been horrible lately. My mental health is deteriorating at a fast rate. Im a little afraid of what I might do to myself. We do have guns at the house. I have several knives in my room. Its very concerning. If I lose myself again, anything could happen really.

Sorry if this is disjointed or if some things dont make sense. Its difficult to type right now. So many thoughts going through my mind and all.


---

Batman's greatest villain.