LogFAQs > #955427890

Good luck.

In my experience mtf trans is a never ending battle where you have to be willing and committed to sacrifice literally every aspect of your life, constantly, just to get other people to see you as a woman -- and most of them still won't. Many of the ones who do will see it as an obligation or a favor, where they are going out of their way to treat you a certain way. And the moment you piss them off or disappoint them, they will not hesitate to drop the act.

I think someone has to have an incredible amount of willpower to subject themselves to that. It basically made me realize that whatever 'trans' is, I definitely don't qualify. Because to me it's not worth sacrificing that much over. I can certainly live comfortably as I am now.

Well, internally, I've pretty much thought of myself as a woman for the majority of my life. But other people rarely ever see me that way except in pretty specific circumstances. Like if I meet a new social group online and no one there knows who I am. If they've only seen me type, or only heard my voice. Well, 90% of them will still assume 'dude' because it's the internet but like 10% might actually think 'wait is that a girl???' I don't even think the internet has gotten particularly much better about this despite shifting demographics. Even in servers I've been in where people generally accepted me as female presenting, new users who joined would typically (and frequently) refer to me as 'dude' or' 'bro' as if to make a point that they didn't acknowledge it.

To me I can't muster the energy needed to present female, or try to convince people to treat me as one. I'm pretty openly non-binary but even my closest friends and family members still refer to me and treat me as a man. My grandmother was the only person who asked me about it, everyone else just ignored the concept and continued as usual.

I learned a long time ago to just accept that I can't change how other people will view me.

Imagine going through HRT, making the decision on whether or not to get bottom surgery, struggling with the fact that women's clothes won't actually fit you even if you think they are cute. Well, skirts and dresses are fine, but the top piece is not going to fit. It's not made for someone with broad shoulders. Dealing with everyone in your social circles viewing you differently. You can call them bigots and feel good about yourself for five minutes but then what? You're still alone, or things have changed.

Imagine constantly working to groom yourself so that your facial hair and body hair are kept under control. Learning to wear make up to conceal your more masculine features. Wearing it every single day. Dealing with your hairline. Figuring out how to wear a wig, how to make it look good. Realizing that wearing a wig is uncomfortable as hell. And after doing all of that, 90%+ of people will still treat you like a man. I dunno. Like I said, whatever 'trans' is, I'm obviously not that. I'm at least comfortable enough with my current life that I can't imagine engaging myself in that kind of unwinnable war of attrition.

Eh, well, like most people, you probably don't actually want to hear this. But I'm curious to know if you've really thought about it or if you just think that hatching out of a pokemon egg is a cute idea.


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i want to see the stars with you
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