Here's a story: For the first three or four years of dating my now ex, my parents did not know we were together, and they did not know I was gay. In fact, it wasn't really my choice to come out to them, but just an unfortunate circumstance that led to them knowing because they met my then ex.
When we first started dating, I told my ex that it would be a long time before I could come out to my parents because they are very religious and have told me before that homosexuals would go to hell. (Not even like, angrily. It was just like a "aw, too bad homosexuals go to hell because they seem nice" sort of thing). So obviously I was very apprehensive about coming out to them. My ex was totally fine with that...at first. My brothers knew, however, because the three of us are very close and they're a lot less religious than my parents are (and, you know, good people.)
After a couple years, though, it was definitely taking a toll on my ex because she's was a very family-oriented person, and meeting my family was important to her. (I hate my family except for the previously mentioned brothers, so I kinda did not understand where she really was coming from. So what if my giant family didn't know?)
A part of me wishes my parents never found out. My dad was nice to my ex and I, and even kept the "gays go to hell" thing to a minimum. The circumstance that led to them finding out made my mother double down on religion, though, so I would find pamphlets around the house advocating about finding Jesus or whatever on days she would visit, which weren't many.
Now that we have broken up, my parents have just assumed that I am straight again. They never mention my ex, they always say "when you find a husband, etc," and my dad straight up told me he doesn't want me dating women again. (I'm 27 and moved out, but he still thinks he has some kind of hold over me lmfao). The relationship between my parents and I was always awful, but now there's this elephant in the room whenever my future comes up, and I hate it. I legit don't know if I wish they never knew, because even now that they do know, I feel like its something I have to hide regardless, and its pretty draining.
I shared this story because its the reason I would never want a partner to come out to anyone unless they were 100% certain they were comfortable. As much as I didn't care what my parents thought, I still needed their financial support at the time, so I couldn't come out then. And now the repercussions of them finding out have strained our relationship. Again, it wasn't anyone's choice that my parents found out, just a shitty happenstance, but I kind of wish it never happened. I wouldn't want it to happen to anyone else unless they were ready to face what would come.
Also this only applies to my parents and extended family. Its pretty funny that literally all my coworkers, all my friends, and everyone in between knows I'm a giant lesbian except for my family.
That's rough. I can't imagine how it would be without a supportive family, so I'm very lucky in that aspect. I'm the other way around, my family is the only one that knows, my coworkers doesn't. I don't have any friends other than my bf so yeah. I'm afraid of being open at work because there are some coworkers who are religious with different religions that are pretty anti-gay, but I still don't know if they think like that.
