LogFAQs > #960836017

For real. Earlier this year I tried to think of how the future might be, and I realised that I couldn't imagine my own future - only my friends'. I couldn't see a future with me in it.

I also had a stint with sobriety after I drank myself into some health problems, and what I learned is that after three weeks, your emotions start to come back in full force. Making it past a month is hard, but two months gave me a real feeling of euphoria - two months is the sweet spot you want to hit.

But once that wore off - once I hit three months - I was left with probably the deepest depression I've ever felt. I would wake up frowning or like grimacing, genuinely feeling like I had a long face like the adage, and I'd be doing something and I'd think "I'm gonna die" out of nowhere which would send me spiralling.

After three and a half months of sobriety, I started drinking again because whatever the fuck is wrong with me psychologically wasn't being treated and I needed a band-aid. I couldn't live every day like that. And the worst part is that after my first drink, I could communicate so much better with everyone around me. I felt like myself again.

I don't want to talk about the way my own life reflects your situation, but I want you to know that I empathize extremely hard with what you're going through. I'm sorry you're going through it - apologies if I'm misconstruing what you're going through, but the thing that really sticks out is consuming whatever piece of life-affirming media you can find. It's no way to live when that's your entire day, but it's a way to survive and I understand and respect how you're getting through this.