LogFAQs > #960947817

I had a similar experience with a coworker. Even though I was pretty much strung along for attention that her bf wasn't giving her, even though she was just seemingly perpetually gauging whether I'd be good long term material but never actually committing yet never pulling away, and apparently she's moving back in her with bf, she definitely manipulated me a little, I just can't stop. She started September. There's still something in me that doesn't believe someone would try so hard to string me along. Other girls that have done that usually give up but she didn't, so either she likes me and it's complicated or she is addicted to attention.

After she half assedly told me no (she never directly said it), I've tried to just only act professional, but I really enjoy being friendly with people, and forcing myself to act all weird and polite and awkward to only her because of rejection doesn't feel right when I'm friendly with everyone else. It feels like acting like that is just forcing myself to repress those emotions further and like I'm punishing her for no reason really. I feel like I should just be me regardless of what happens.

I've tried going back to dating apps and stuff. It's not like I'm swimming in women/matches anyway nor have I ever been, and I'm sick of dating apps in general, so I don't really care for them. I am messaging a few girls casually though, haven't felt the urge to date or meet up. I have good ties with friends and family and stuff so it's not like I'm totally alone.

The only thing I can think of to do is to just treat everyone like I treat her. Love everyone. Be kind, open, funny, honest, empathic, etc towards everyone I come across and then wait till I feel that spark to go further with somebody. And 'everybody' includes her; it means loving her unconditionally too, without expecting it to go anywhere or being afraid that it's not gonna work out.

It's honestly crazy; sometimes I have to really try to focus to not give her a quick glance as I'm walking by. It's so subconscious. I knew something was up because earlier this week, which is several weeks after I asked her out, I woke up with a night terror. My night terrors are moreso emotional than they are hallucinatory, where I feel like someone is about to steal/kill me and there's nothing I can do about it. Normally I have to breathe and calm down and assess the situation, but I just thought of her and it instantly went away. I was like, fuck she's deep in my brain lol

What's also wild is that I can tell it's subconscious with her too. She's slowly changing to accommodate me, give me space when I need it, she looks at me when I don't look at her, etc. When I went away for two weeks, she facetimed her boyfriend all the time apparently, but now that I'm back, she doesn't do it at all.

I think the only way she could truly win me back over is to full out confess everything. The fact that she's been so bad with communication and strung me along raises huge red flags, but I can't stop loving her. I've tried whatever else I could and the only thing that seems to be working is expanding my love for her to everyone. I don't think I've ever been in sync with someone else as much as I have with her.