2 minutes this year, both feet on the ground. We'll see if you can eliminate yourself or not.
Royal Rumble
Number 1 is Rikishi. And number 2 is Goldust, this means we get to see his full entrance. Gold flecks for everyone. Goldust almost goes out fast but grabs the rope. Almost again, he hangs on again.
Number 3 in is Big Bossman. He's back again? Rikishi gets both guys stuck in one corner.
4th in is Bradshaw. God dammit Shawn Michaels you disrespectful ass, he's from Texas too. Bradshaw's clearing everyone down and Rikishi gives Bossman a stinkface. Superkick and Bossman is 1st out thanks to Rikishi.
5th in is Lance Storm. Nothing happens for 2 minutes.
WHAT DOES EVERYBODY WANT? 6th in is Al snow! Storm gets a clothesline from hell. "WE WANT HEAD" say the fans.
7th in is Billy Gunn. He's teaming with Chuck these days. Billy runs right into a big boot. Snow and Storm both on the apron, and Snow hits a kicks to knock out Storm, who's 2nd gone. Bradshaw's trying to get out Goldust, and Billy knocks out Bradshaw for 3rd gone. Booo.
8th in is Undertaker, he rides his motorcycle down of course. Billy gets chokeslammed. Then he chokeslams Goldust out of the ring, making Goldust 4th out. Then Taker tosses out Snow who's 5th out. And then he sends Rikishi out 6th, and Billy out as 7th. Ring is cleared.
9th in is Matt Hardy. He's with Lita and looks like they're argument last PPV is over. Taker's beating up Matt, Lita runs in to save him with a low blow. Twist of fate by Matt. Taker no sells the hell out of that.
10th in is Jeff Hardy. RANDOM DRAW. Both Hardys and Lita beating up Taker. Guess they're together again. Another twist of fate and now a swanton. Some double teaming and Taker just catches Jeff and dumps him out. Jeff's 8th gone. Matt's given a last ride and tossed out 9th. All Taker again.
11th in is Maven. Does he have the Headbangers music? This guy won Tough Enough. Oh, Lita's still here? And so are both Hardys, they jump Taker. Maven drop kicks Taker AND HE'S GONE. WHAT. Taker is 10th out thanks to the new guy! That's how you give a new guy a quick push.
Oh, Taker's mad, he goes back to the ring to beat up Maven. And Maven gets a chair right to the head.
TURN IT UP! 12th in is Scotty 2 Hotty. Dance time runs right into Taker's rampage. Maven's face is busted open. Taker tosses Maven over the top, is he gone now? Commentators say no, but Taker takes Maven through the crowd into the concessions area. I'll assume Maven's gone and 11th out.
13th in is Christian. Scotty's still down in the aisle, Maven is tossed into popcorn and apparently that killed him.
14th in is DDP and he gets reverse DDTed by Christian. He fights back with a diamond cutter on Christian! Scotty knocks down DDP and he can give Christian the worm! And DDP then tosses Scotty, he's 12th out.
15th in is Chuck. His hair is so blonde now. JR calls DDP a longshot to win the rumble, how far he's falling after being buried by Taker.
--
ONLY FIVE CAN LADDER.
Sushi, kamikaze, fujiyama, nippon-ichi...