LogFAQs > #877532437

damn I need to remember to track all of these topics...

anyway GMUN I'm not sure how you are feeling now but I just want to express something. I think I'm very good at reading other peoples' feelings so sometimes I assume people are good at reading mine and so some stuff goes without saying but I've learned this is pretty erroneous. anyway, I think you are awesome. I'm not sure if you remember my real life circumstances when we became friends but let me remind you. we started talking at the very end of the summer in between my senior year of high school and first year of college. I wasn't going to a far college at all but my mom insisted I try living in a dorm my first year. (I could have fought my way out of this but eh, I guess part of me wanted to try branching out too and she was willing to pay for it.) I found living away from home and my family pretty depressing. I imagine you feel similarly now and it fucking sucks. I was also not really in a great mental state in general at the time so living in an unfamiliar territory didn't make it any better.

anyway, I wasn't really super into gamefaqs or much online stuff in general at this point. pretty much my first night living on campus, I realized how the internet was like the one constant between being home and in the dorm. it became a source of extreme comfort and an escape from this weird new life I wasn't feeling. by the end of my undergrad career, I had made zero friends in college but a ton of online friends. I only lived in the dorm for one year but for that one year, you were virtually my only friend in real life or online. my real life best friend was going to a school much farther away (and we had already been drifting at this point.) my brother and other friends had gotten into partying which I had zero interest in. I wanted people who were still into video games and other nerdy shit man.

to say I was obsessed with talking to you everyday would probably be an understatement. I wasn't that much into anime yet, I wasn't playing many video games at the time. I wasn't talking to anybody else regularly. talking to you was like my main hobby. I had never talked to anyone online before on a personal level, let alone made a friend so it was a crazy new world. I think getting so into the internet in college, even when I was back living at home, was pretty detrimental to my social development but considering my mental state at the time, it was either making online friends or being lonely.

I know you've never been a very social person, even less then than now, and I'm not really all that different. I got lucky to have become close friends with children of my mom's friends which is pretty much cheating. none of the friends I made in elementary school through college really stuck. you're really the first true friend I made as a sentient being and not a toddler.

I'm probably rambling.. I know you were in a rough patch with the pikaness situation at the time and if I helped you overcome that at all, that makes me happy. I got a lot out of our friendship too.

I'm really sorry about our falling out and I take full responsibility for it. I have no good explanation for why I could be such an asshole but part of it was being afraid of being seen as vulnerable which I think is just shit. I've made a lot of online friends in the past nine years but looking back, I still think you were my closest one and meant the most to me. I'm still on AIM all the time (invisible usually) so if you ever need or to talk, I'm there. (I'm about to go to bed now though just to let you know.)

in any case, thank you for being my friend and being there for me, you honestly made my life better.
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respek