LogFAQs > #877566983

I feel like so many people go through life, especially while still young, just assuming however they feel about something is the same for everyone. at least that's how I feel about myself and your post gave me that impression of you too. I've realized over the past few years that it's important to communicate thoughts like these even though they feel so normal to us. like personally, I don't even stop and think about what I'm feeling sometimes, let alone tell other people about it. I just by default think that whatever I'm feeling is "normal" and usually out in the open for other people to recognize which is just not the case at all.

a few years ago, I did a topic where I talked about everyone who had ever been a regular in b8anime/the anime topics. that was the title of the topic anyway but I said something in the OP about how other friends I had here could post. really, I only said that with you and santa in mind but neither of you posted. I probably should have just made the title less exclusionary but aside from anime people and you two, I don't have much substantial to say about people here because I just haven't interacted with anyone else on that level. anyway, I didn't really realize how much my online friends meant to me until I did that topic. going along with what I said in the first paragraph, I sometimes have to actually communicate what I'm feeling to even fully realize it myself. best thing about that topic was whitelens steam gifting me because my writeup made him feel better about himself. and I just think that stuff is amazing. by default, I feel like I'm just some dude on a message board but I know I have a skill in relating to other people and if that helps them feel better about themselves, that's pretty much the best thing I could ask for.

anyway, I do think making friendships that are both meaningful and lasting is hard, especially if you have those kinds of feelings about it. I didn't feel this way in the moment but looking back, I always blamed myself for us falling out and I felt bad because I knew how important our friendship was to you. I think much of our early friendship focusing on helping you out is a bit unusual but I don't think it was unhealthy either. I think the idea that I was helping someone made me feel important at a time where I wasn't feeling great either. but I mean, we had enough to talk about and a connection to become really good friends so it's not like that was the only thing keeping me involved with you. we had fun.

I guess some people have the type of personality where they'll stay in a relationship or friendship that they don't really enjoy but that's me. I never felt like I was obligated to you or anything like that if that's how you feel.

you're still on AIM all the time though right? I will IM you tonight or tomorrow or soon. (I'm not sure what's going to go on for me for the next few days because uh my best friend's girlfriend just died in a car accident last night and I'm still processing that. I barely knew her but I'm feeling terrible for his sake right now. frankly, it was an awful relationship and none of his friends or family approved of it which for me makes it sort of a stranger situation.)
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respek