LogFAQs > #901704530

Right now, the word of the day for me is "gun-shy".

Some of you know that I've had my ups and downs in terms of my career path over the last couple years, and while the circumstances surrounding my misfortunes have had little to do with the quality of my work, I've become apprehensive about it nonetheless. At my job, I had opportunity to demonstrate a creative capacity for storytelling and video-making. I was involved in production as well as writing and it was, quite honestly, a fantastic experience.

I've spent far too long since I lost my job unable to write or edit. And I don't want to play a victim or blame anything else for what happened. I want to blame myself and find a way to dig myself out of the hole in which I find myself. Consistently, I have strong initial ideas; I come up with unique avenues to pursue a creative path which I think could prove successful. But as I began to plan how to execute these ideas, I discover that I lack the abilities or the wherewithal to complete the necessary work involved.

Or at least, I think I lack those skills. It's almost as if I've taken a step back, receded in the progress of my abilities. At one point, I wrote well. I could verbally communicate my ideas in a more compelling way. Even my colleagues would express that I was constantly improving and impressing. But now, whenever I put my hands on a keyboard to write, I find myself in a panic of sorts. I immediately lose all confidence and my mind locks. A million words and ideas inundate me and I can't make sense of what I want to actually say. I ramble. I hedge. I generalize. Ultimately, I think this is evident everywhere I leave my mark, from my botched attempts to write something interesting or funny or compelling to even my sadly bland text messages. And, as a result, I've transformed into a sad, self-loathing shell of a man, an easily hurt, easily defeated husk.

I don't know if any of this makes any sense. I'm not even sure exactly what I'm looking for in terms of advice. I think, to some extent, I just wanted to go to an open forum where I'm anonymous enough that I'm able to work up the necessary courage to say what I need to say. I know there are some users, like @DoomTheGyarados for example, who might relate or have some advice. Mostly I think I just need to open a dialogue about where I'm at. Maybe, just maybe, someone will listen.
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"Reading would be your friend." ~Dave Meltzer