LogFAQs > #910235918

So... it's been a year and 6 days since the wreck that ruined my life (my wife was killed in it.) I'm not well, honestly. People keep saying I'm "doing better" because I'm busy working two jobs, spending a lot of times with friends and stuff... but really I'm just in auto-pilot to the wrong airport. My insides are absolute hell, worse every day, very very dark thoughts and apathy towards being alive. I didn't drink for 6 months after the wreck because of my head injury and grief, and that is the longest I've been sober since I was 17 (I'm in my 30s now.) About... June(?) my neurologist told me it would be okay to drink alcohol, injury wise. I think that might have been the most dangerous thing I've ever been told, because I am drinking to black out drunk levels multiple times a week.

But, yeah. I am extremely depressed and don't know what my future holds. There are a few amazing people in my life that kind of keep me... grounded a bit. Even Susan from here has become an awesome friend. But I just don't know.

Anyways, I just wanted to thank all you guys that helped me with that GoFundMe back earlier this year, and mead and helly and everyone that kept it alive and contributed etc. that was noble of you guys. Even Jen and RC were amazing selfless people to me, and I fucked that up (which I regret) because of how toxic my grief has gotten. I've turned on a lot of my family and friends as my world views darken, and pushed a lot of people out of my life. Anyways, I don't know who cares, just wanted to touch base with you guys. I feel like it was fucked up of me to come on here, ask for money, and then leave. But it was fucking scary trying to pay two people's bills with one persons income (not that money is what mattered in all of this nightmare.)
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Hoppe hoppe Reiter, und kein Engel steigt herab
mein Herz schlagt nicht mehr weiter, NUR DER REGEN WEINT AM GRAB