LogFAQs > #913421512

I think that it's mainly because I've been worrying over my post-graduation career as of late, which is causing me some headaches during the day. But I cannot figure out why this stress must leak into the only part of my day when I am actually at peace, free of worry and especially anxiety. As a result, I'm always waking up too early and I cannot feel like I have gotten a good night's rest, and it's very worrying. On Thursday, I wasn't able to drive all that well due to not getting enough rest and because I hadn't practiced since the week before. It makes me wonder how I am supposed to pass my driver's test in December. I very much doubt that I will be successful in getting my license that day, and that causes even more worry for me.

At work, it's been the cause of my lack of productivity; I haven't been able to work as well as I used to because I'm so sleepy and stressed. I've trying to apply to work for after I graduate, and I've hit a road-block that I am very certain that I would not be able to clear anytime soon. I need references. I've already gotten one from my supervisor and my boss, but I need one more; otherwise, I cannot apply for work. I never suspected that my severe lack of social skills and thus my inability to form a professional network would one day screw me over, but I think that day has come already, and it's bothering me how I can't find work because I'm too socially inept to find a professional reference.

I don't even have the ability to list down a personal reference, because I haven't any friends. And I'm too scared to list down the one school acquaintance I do have, because I'm afraid that she will not comply and that it will make things awkward between us the next we meet. I already have her phone number, but I'm still too scared because I really have little to no social interaction with other people from my school. If I make things awkward between us by asking her if she could fill the role of a personal reference, I will no longer have anyone to talk to. Being alone is one of the many things that scare me a lot, which is why I don't want to ask. It's not like we're that close, anyway. We just collaborate on homework and stuff, but we don't shoot the crap or whatever. Well, I don't because I don't know how to, but she likes to, sometimes.

There's this co-worker at my workplace who also was not comfortable being a reference. It's odd; before, she is always friendly towards me, and the fact that she doesn't want to be my reference bothers me because I'm scared that she secretly does not like me even though she puts on a smile every time she sees me. It's unnerving. And recently, with final exams coming up in two weeks, I cannot help but feel that this is a very wrong time for me to stress myself over finding post-graduate work, since I must study. Yet, at the same time, I know for a fact that I am very unprepared for post-college life, because I don't have many marketable skills, as I have said before.

I have been trying to learn R, but recently, I haven't had the time because I've been feeling too tired and unwilling to whisk myself away from the worldwide web because it's one of the only only sources of social interaction for me. When I'm studying alone, whether it's a programming language or my regular school curriculum, I can't help but feel too lonely to concentrate. In the end, I don't get much work done, as a result, sometimes. I also wanted to use my actuarial study manual to study, but as I have said before, I haven't had the time or energy, being pre-occupied with my other studies. I feel overwhelmed sometimes, when thinking about the things I should be doing but am not. The feeling just makes me want to go to bed, and hide from my very few responsibilities. Yet, I cannot help but feel that if I don't keep up with building up my skillset, I will not be suitable for a respectable job. It makes me doubt that I can live on my own, and the thought of living here forever scares me. Anyway, how was your Sunday?

I must have these answers.
---

Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.