LogFAQs > #923717324

Oftentimes, I feel like I'm wasting my college degree by not using it.

Over a month has passed since graduation, and even though I have found full-time work, I still can't help but continue to wonder if my education has been wasted if I'm not using it towards a career that relates to it. But the thing is, I don't even know what career I want. I know I've ranted many times over about having no direction in life, but it's just so very exasperating. Nothing looks interesting, everything looks like dung, and it's so very hard to even pretend to care nowadays.

I have been thinking more about what I want to do in my free time to keep my mind off it, but it isn't working. I have tried studying "for fun" (I always tell myself this), but more often than not, it's been anything but. I am more than aware that being in some study group would help alleviate some of the anger and frustration I feel whenever getting suck trying to understand math on my own, but since I'm out of school, and I'm always working, it is no longer an option for me.

I did use to study in my school's undergraduate math lounge, and it did make it easier and more enjoyable for me to work, being around people who were studying like me. But I sometimes just wonder if being a math major was a giant mistake. I'm decent at it, but something happened near the end of the spring semester that made me realize if being decent is even enough. After class, some students and the professor were discussing their pride in being a math major, and I couldn't help but feel this instinct to get out of there as fast as I could. I just felt like I did not belong. Sometimes, I hope that this frustration I feel is just due to being under the stress and mundanity of being in school for so long, but I cannot know for sure, anymore.

I tried studying programming, too, acknowledging that it would be a useful skill to pick up. But as I have said, the same problems I encounter when I study something alone pop up again, and there is nothing that can make learning a fun experience. It's just so droll, anyway, and after a while I realized that I care nothing for programming.

Sometimes, it just gets to the point where I just feel an inexplicable to throw something hard at a wall out of anger. I nearly always have the self-restraint to not to do so, but I just wish I didn't experience so many bouts of helplessness and frustration.

I mean, I did have a therapist to talk to this about, but for some reason, I just never felt the urge to discuss half of what makes my life so tiring. Most of the time, he'll give me advice that I will end up disagreeing very assiduously with, like he'll tell me to have fun, relax, and don't worry about the future so much. But just what good is it if I'm not doing anything to help my situation? Or else, he'll tell me something that I cannot take for truth, since I very much doubt that he's ever been in a situation like mine.

This is unrelated to the topic, but the most recent time I saw him, he again implied that I was romantically interested in my one friend who was at school with me. I had told him explicitly on numerous occasions that this was not the case, but that day, I could take it no more, and I yelled at him that "I have no romantic interest in her". From that moment on, I didn't feel like making eye contact, participating in the discussion, and just vented to him about how I don't care about anything anymore. Then he tells me to get a dog, to which I yelled in reply, "I don't want a goddamn dog!" He said some stuff that I do not care to remember, then I left, and cancelled the appointment we had made. And it's just so damn hard to divulge to him personal things about my life. I don't know why. I think I just don't feel comfortable discussing anything personal with him. I don't really feel comfortable discussing anything personal with anyone, nowadays, anyway.

Anyway, is Sakon from Majora's Mask creepy?

I must have these answers.
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.