LogFAQs > #923774786

38. Anaconda

Iniviso - 18
Johnbobb - 26
Karo - 31
Genny - 34
KBM - 34
Charon - 35
Scarlet - 35
Snake - 36
JONA - 37

Inviso - This movie just BARELY manages to creep over that so bad its good line, but barely counts in this case, and I enjoyed the film overall. The setting feels so isolated and amps up the tensionwhich it needs to do, since the titular anaconda is not the most frightening slasher villain imaginable. But yeah, the anaconda itself is prettyits hard to enjoy a killer when it shows up, wraps around a victim, kills them, next scene. This happens to four people I believe? And only Jon Voight is interesting about itmainly because he gets vomited back up after getting swallowed in the first place.

But that brings us to the cast, and this is where the movie manages to shine despite its abysmal pedigree. Jon Voight is fucking AMAZING in this, because hes hamming it up and chewing the scenery almost every time hes on-screen. And even better, its hilarious how HES acting like a one-note caricature, but in the context of the movie, his CHARACTER also has moments of completely phoning in the friendly survivalist act. Beyond Voight though, Ice Cube is your standard fish out of water thug in the jungle archetype, and Owen Wilson is a complete doofus who gets turned to the dark side faster and more unnecessarily than Anakin Skywalker. Oh yeah, and Jonathan Hyde is great as a stuffy, out-of-touch British guy whos thrust into a strange action movie role. Really, its the one-note performances that sell this film and manage to make it entertaining, even though its objectively awful.

Johnbobb - Anaconda is a lot like Arachnophobia, in that it really expects you to already have a fear of snakes in order to really be scary. Otherwise you're just watching a green mechanical tube wave back and forth while people scream. In fact, almost all of my thoughts about Arachnophobia could pretty much be applied here, with one exception. Anaconda has a single memorable character, which already sets it ahead. I'd almost rather just watch a compilation of Jon Voight's scenes than the whole movie. It's not outright bad (mostly) but does little to make itself stand out otherwise.

Karo - A documentary film crew turns into a snake hunting expedition after some stupid circumstances and many long sinuous reptiles must feed. So some people capture other people and tie them up. The snake eats someone. But what a twist, they get free and capture their captor! Ice Cube spits out mumbley unprofessional lines about being a gangsta from LA. The snake eats some more people. Haha never mind we were just kidding they get recaptured. But wait they get free AGAIN. Guess what the snake does. We've got snakes in a rain, snakes in the water, snakes on a boat, and even snakes on fire. But if only we didnt have snakes in hollywood taking everyones money with this dreck.

Genny - My brain just don't want none of these dumb snake puns. 5/10

KBM - Jon Voight hamming it up as much as he possibly can saves this from being a complete train wreck; the Amazon rainforest scenery porn also has its moments and the Randy Edelman score is good. Everything else about this is pretty much disastrous. The effects are stupid-looking and remarkably inconsistent. J-Lo is utterly horrible in the lead role (how she got nominated for a Saturn award for her performance is beyond me). Really none of the acting or characters are any good Jon Voight is just entertaining and self-aware enough to be forgiven because it's clear he knows what kind of movie he's in. Even at 89 minutes, the screenplay manages to feel padded, with a particularly slow first act before the killing starts. It's good for a few laughs, but not enough to the point that I'd actually recommend it to anybody apart from avowed bad-movie enthusiasts.
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