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TopicAnagram Ranks Anything Legend of Zelda-related with Full Write-Ups (spoilers)
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07/26/23 10:44:39 PM
#17:


Good!
Hookshot: Probably the best recurring item, though there are better single-game items. There's nothing more fun than carefully aiming up a shot and zooming between areas, especially when you get the double-hookshot. It's the only item I actually missed having in BotW, too. I know that Zelda added more 'ancient technology' stuff as it went along, and I know that it's had Beamos as long as it's had hookshots, but to me, this is the definitive 'technology' item of the series. It's not steampunk, but the mechanisms in it clearly look very complex, so I always think of this, even in games like BotW where there's more obviously magic-technology at play.
CD-I Cutscenes: They're atrocious, of course. I know all of this exists purely to cash in as fast as possible on Zelda's popularity, but can you imagine being a kid whose mom comes home with one of these stupid games, and seeing the cutscenes in action for yourself? I remember as a kid, these games had an almost mythical reputation on GameFAQs. I couldn't find a rom of them, not that I looked taht hard, and they remained some of the only Zelda games I never played. I distinctly remember reading an argument in like 2003 where people were arguing about Zelda vs FF, which is the better series overall, and the pro-FF guy arguing that the CD-I games must count and drag Zelda's score down below FF's. Were these also the first time Link spoke? The hideousness of the cutscenes is why they're so high up, it's like something I could do. I love things that are this bad. And... are these cutscenes the origin of more than half of Zelda memes? Like, the one where Link covers his mouth while smiling along must represent at least 10% of Zelda-related images on 4chan, right?
Skull Kid: If someone came to me and said "describe LoZ's atmosphere," I wouldn't be able to. Fantastical fantasy? Skull Kid is a good example of it. A bullied, lonely scarecrow wearing an evil purple mask that mind controls him into being evil? It's a good premise for a side villain, at least, and I like how he ties MM back to OoT. But like, I'm not one of those people who's ride-or-die for this character, no.
Going Straight to Castle Hyrule in BotW: I actually love that BotW lets you do this. I've never even tried, since I know I would get to Ganon and then get crushed in five seconds, but I really do appreciate that it's an option. BotW, and I assume TotK, is such a good direction after the previous games. It feels like it's true to Zelda while still doing its own thing, and this option is a great example of that.

Hey, Listen!
Medli: Even though Medli is a complete nothing character, her design is pretty good. Like, I understand that narratively, the purpose of Medli and Makar and other similar characters is to connect the player to the world, so you'll care about the world and want to save people and be emotionally invested, but let's be real here: Zelda is not a series about plot or characterization. I would almost call the writing trash? Except that the writing isn't the point, and it gets the job done, so I don't know if I even want to go that far. Anyway, question: is Medli the first important 'young girl' character in the series? Like the stupid Fire Emblem characters who are all ten year old girls, is Medli the first Zelda version of that? I guess Zelda in OoT is, but I'll forgive that one because it makes sense for the time skip plot (which I just insulted).
Using Ocarina of Time to speedrun Paper Mario: I read an entire article about how this works, and I still barely understand it. I don't really know what's going on, but I think it's a cool and innovative concept, though, so it gets some points for that!
Dragon Roost Island (Music): Not the best, not the worst. It's upbeat, like the rest of the game. I won't reveal my favorite Zelda tunes, but I have very basic taste, so I'm sure they'll get nominated before long.
The Legend of Zelda (Rabbit Joint): Man. Remember being 13? I remember being 13.


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Started: July 6, 2005
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