Current Events > What are the more subtle signs of an abusive relationship?

(+) Yeah! (+)

May not be the right place to ask, but I don't know anyone off-hand with experience in this regard.

Lying about more obvious signs is the only subtle one I can think of. Covering up to hide bruises, or being consistently unable to go out for things that just came up, might seem subtle if you haven't experienced it before.

Pay close attention to body language. If one is clearly less than comfortable being within the others personal space it can be a sign.

I'm reading articles online and I'm wondering if I'm not just crazy and too emotional.

Being discouraged from seeing family and friends.

Being verbally undermined/criticised.

Being sidelined when it comes to decision making, especially financial.

ai123 posted...

Being discouraged from seeing family and friends.

Being verbally undermined/criticised.

Being sidelined when it comes to decision making, especially financial.

These are some pretty big ones. Id also like to add that an abuser can also use expressions of not knowing what to do if their partner left them, including the possibility of harming themselves, as leverage to make their partner feel guilty over considering leaving.

TC, highly recommend this resource (assuming you are US based, if you are not there are hopefully similar services where you are).

https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/understand-relationship-abuse/

This should help explain some of the signs that are harder to immediately see, and there are resources for contacting someone to talk through these concerns you have.

Saying sorry for every little thing, even if it really isn't anyone's fault.

bigtiggie23 posted...

Saying sorry for every little thing, even if it really isn't anyone's fault.

Take this one with a grain. That's also just ingrained anxiety

Attempted isolation is a big one indeed. Friends and family looking on the outside can see if something's off easier than someone stuck on the inside. So if a partner discourages any contact with them at all....

A person having two faces. Now there might be other reasons for this like some kind of mental health issue going on, but my brother's abusive ex-wife definitely pretended to be overly sweet and have a different personality/voice/mannerisms when she was around our family, even using a fake girly voice around us, but my brother would tell me he was baffled by the fact that this wasn't how she sounded when they were alone together.

Also in the rare occasions she would let him contact us (or he was doing it behind her back) you could sometimes hear her in the background and hear the real voice. I said, "who's that voice I'm hearing? Y'all have a friend over for dinner?"

He said, "nah, that's [his ex-wife's name here], that's her real voice that I've told you about before, the one she uses when she's around me."

Enjoying activities less or engaging in them less. Like music, listening or playing.