Board 8 > Board 8 Watches and Ranks 80s Horror - The Rankings

(+) Yeah! (+)

I do slightly wish it was above Friday the 13th because when you compare the overlaps between the two, Sleepaway Camp comes put on top every single time. But that ending is ROUGH. I was with the film until then but that destroyed it for me.

Spoilers for my list I guess but as you can see I did not care for Friday the 13th! I will predict that next. Can also see Tetsuo.

And by the way if you are following along with this topic and have not seen Sleepaway Camp, please watch this scene near the beginning for some of the most bizarre acting you will ever see:

https://youtu.be/DKcF4R7tmlE?si=j5bmJh8wyZ2RRMyR

Incredible

Everyone: No, this movie won't do. It won't do at all.

Oh no. Two movies in, and already I need to shut down a casino. Seginus, Johnbobb, Bitto, Karo, Exdeath, Vis, and Lightning all cash in while Vegas has to eat shit and live.

VEGAS ODDSBOARD:
+600 Friday the 13th (1980)
+600 Killer Klowns From Outer Space (1988)
+800 Phenomena (1985)
+800 Re-Animator (1985)
+1000 Prince of Darkness (1987)
+1000 Pet Sematary (1989)
+1200 Creepshow (1982)
+200 Any Other Movie (+2000 if guessed correctly)

Current Leaderboard:
1) Inviso $1150 (Sleepaway Camp 650, Basket Case 500)
1) Lightning $1150 (Sleepaway Camp 650, Basket Case 500)
2) Seginus $650 (Sleepaway Camp 650)
2) Johnbobb $650 (Sleepaway Camp 650)
2) Bitto $650 (Sleepaway Camp 650)
2) Karo $650 (Sleepaway Camp 650)
2) Exdeath $650 (Sleepaway Camp 650)

Just shut it down and spare me the pain.

I'll stick with Tetsuo even though the fact that it didn't drop right away has me wondering if it's more popular than I anticipated

+2000 on Child's Play

I'll also guess Tetsuo since that could be a big dollar value at the moment, and seeing someone else commenting on it makes me feel more comfortable guessing its early elimination.

I think Tetsuo will have a few people who love it, but is offputting to others enough to keep it low on the list. But I dont know if its next.

I'm already stumped on what's next

Guess I'll say Friday the 13th

Hint - Next up is the movie with NO top 10 rankings!

Johnbobb posted...

What's frustrating is there WERE aspects of Sleepaway Camp that were very good. The performances and protective relationship between the siblings was really endearing. Eat shit and live is a great line!

But the good aspects were completely wasted in favor of the godawful everything else

This is the biggest problem, yeah. Sleepaway Camp has some other flaws, but at least it has some fun and interesting kills for a slasher film. Burning a pedophile with scalding water; drowning a kid some his body is all fucked up when it gets found; dropping a hornet's nest on a guy in the bathroom, multiple knife stabbings through a shower curtain; chopping a bunch of brats up with a hatchet; curling iron "insertion"; arrow to the neck; decapitation. And again, all the characters that get killed are KINDA assholes who deserve it. It really IS the horrible portrayal of LGBTQ+ issues that tanked it in my eyes more than it would have placed otherwise.

It's not even necessarily the trans serial killer trope that bugs me (because looking back on it, Angela being quiet and reserved basically implied that she wanted to be left alone and didn't want to "trick" anyone, as is usually the case with the trope in these sorts of movie situations). It really is the way the writers decided to really hammer that nail in by adding scenes where the source of all Angela's trauma was REALLY seeing her father (a gay man) kissing another gay man. That stands out to me as bizarrely and unnecessarily homophobic in an irredeemable way.

Snake5555555555 posted...

Hint - Next up is the movie with NO top 10 rankings!

I had a feeling it had to drop soon.

I guess I'll go with Friday the 13th.

Snake5555555555 posted...

Hint - Next up is the movie with NO top 10 rankings!

Aw, damn. Knowing you said the movie with no top tens got one 11th really makes me question whether it's my number 11. It's very possible...I could see it being a movie people hate. I still want to stick with Tetsuo, but I could also see that getting into a top ten on artsiness alone.

I'll guess Re-Animator

I'll take Killer Klowns

Put me down for Fright Night

Inviso posted...

Aw, damn. Knowing you said the movie with no top tens got one 11th really makes me question whether it's my number 11. It's very possible...I could see it being a movie people hate. I still want to stick with Tetsuo, but I could also see that getting into a top ten on artsiness alone.

Exactly what I'm thinking on both counts.
It might just be my 11 but I have faith it will do better. I bet Tetsuo has a top 10 but I don't know what to change to so let it ride

I've gotta think this over now. We have 28 movies left. The next one has no entries in the top ten, I can safely remove my entire top ten from contention for elimination. That leaves 18. We also know that whatever is next got 11th place from at least one person (probably not more than that), so it has to be something that would appeal to SOMEONE'S tastes, but not so much as to make a top ten.

Now, I feel like, given just how low the score is for this movie, I'm going to make an assumption that this (and 27, which has a similar 296) wouldn't be a bigger name movie, just because I feel like some of the biggest names would inherently score just a little higher. Not necessarily saying any of those movies are good or warrant high praise...just that they're likely to get praise from SOMEONE. Especially when you consider that this list was curated by Snake, who is himself a major horror aficionado, so I have to imagine some movies received praise from him for their formation of franchises.

Next, I'm going to eliminate anything that I could reasonably consider "artsy", because there enough of the "art snob alliance" participating in this ranking that I could see several of these movies making a top ten in one way or another. This leaves me with only three potential movies on my list for what could possibly have managed to avoid EVERY top ten list for all thirteen rankers.

I look at the remaining three I have standing, and they're all more in the vein of a light-hearted sort of horror movie, which strike me as the kind of movies that could reasonably make eleventh place for one person while pissing everyone else off. And of those three, I'm more willing to let one skate at this point, just because it's possibly a nostalgia film for people of our age bracket. So I look at the last two, and I enjoyed both, but I also have a penchant for goofy nonsense that would hardly be considered high cinema...so I'm gonna change my prediction from Tetsuo to Killer Klowns from Outer Space. I hope I'm wrong and Tetsuo was too much even for the artsy crowd, but I just can't imagine anyone truly ranking Killer Klowns in a top ten.

I would hope Creepshow is the next one because it sucks. For the most part at least.

Johnbobb posted...

Kind of a slight spoiler for the movie but Malignant (2021)

Meh. That could have taken even more from Basket Case and really committed to being weirder and a lot more fun.

Basket Case may be poorly made, but it's got a lot of heart. I kind of like it even more thinking about it in retrospect.

Johnbobb posted...

What's frustrating is there WERE aspects of Sleepaway Camp that were very good. The performances and protective relationship between the siblings was really endearing. Eat shit and live is a great line!

I think the depiction of teens as mostly a bunch of casual cruel pricks was on point. If it was just shot better it would have probably moved up a couple spots for me.

I found the end twist to Sleepaway Camp to be pretty good and creepy (that deranged smile o_o). I guess this is a spoiler kinda but overall I liked it a bit more than its predecessor, Friday the 13th. Also the sequel goes full camp (in 2 ways) and is pretty funny - at one point someone asks what day it is and the counselor responds "Saturday the 14th."

Evillordexdeath posted...

I'll take Killer Klowns

I'll also guess Killer Klowns again

28. Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988 / 303 points)
Directed by: Stephen Chiodo / Written by: Charles & Stephen Chiodo
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/3/37d7dce1.jpg
Why Its Significant - I mean - the title says it all. You get what you pay for. Killer Klowns takes its ridiculous B-movie roots and title to creative extremes in a film full of impressive practical effects and ridiculous horror that leaves you alternating between laughing your ass off and contemplating just how disturbing some of this actually is. Its a neat trick that I think revolutionized comedy-horror, stepping up the genre proving you dont have to sacrifice one for the other, I think even lauded films like Shaun of the Dead or Tucker & Dale vs. Evil taking cues from it. Plus - despite only having one film to its name, its a franchise loaded with collectibles, Halloween Horror Nights attractions, and even an upcoming video game due out this year, and talks of a sequel or more have persisted for decades at this point.

The Rankers
Inviso - 11
Fortybelowsummer - 15
Seginustemple - 18
Johnbobb - 20
Rockus - 22
Lightning - 24
Mythiot - 25
Jcgamer107 - 27
Karo - 27
Snake - 27
Bitto - 28
Evilordexdeath - 29
Plasmabeam - 30

Inviso - I honestly debated ranking this higher, but I just couldnt justify it to myself. The title says it all; there is no other movie on this list that delivers harder what it says its going to deliver. From the first minute the Klowns show up, thats all they are. The movie has a throwaway line about Maybe they showed up in ancient times, and we based OUR clowns off of them! You didnt need thattheyre alien clowns, you dont need to explain the deep lore behind them. Trust me, you had me sold the moment a clown popped out of its circus tent spaceship with a comically-sized net to capture a bloodhound. Everything after that was just running up the score.

Seriously though, everything you would expect from a killer klown, you got. They capture people by cocooning them in cotton candy; they shoot guns that fire popcorn (which is just the klowns in their larval state); theres a puppet show that ends with a laser gun; theres a comically-small bicycle which leads into comical fisticuffs (complete with Whatre you gonna do, knock my BLOCK off? before doing just that); fake door-to-door deliveries; sneezing powder and squirting shaving cream; shadow puppets becoming real and eating people; a squirt flower and subsequent murder to create a human ventriloquist dummy; and of course a bunch of clowns in a tiny car who pull out pies and buried a hapless guard in an avalanche of cream. Anything you can imagine is there in this movie, and they left no stone unturned.

Is the plot high cinema? Fuck no; the acting is terriblebut for what this movie is, its brilliant nonsense. The weird funhouse vibe of the klown ship, ending with a weird giant mecha klown battle just caps off an utterly insane movie. I dont know who came up with this concept, but that person did a surprisingly good job, all things considered. And kudos for making the klown costumes look JUST clowny enough to seem recognizable, with a perfect amount of deformity to really sell that theyre from out-of-this-world.

Fortybelowsummer - A lot of these movies, even the ones that are on the campier side, actually have some deeper meaning to be found. This aint one of them. Its clowns that arrive on earth fromsomewhere, set up shop in a big top/lair and then abduct and kill humans in all kinds of silly clowncentric ways. There are people-melting pies, cotton candy ray guns, and killer shadow puppets. The sets, costumes and props are all awesome and the whole thing is a lot of wacky fun. Its also legitimately disturbing at times and while Im not personally coulrophobic, it could be downright terrifying for someone who is. Theres a reason you see loads of Klowns stuff in Spirit stores at Halloween time. Its a cult classic that went mainstream because its just highly entertaining. Im fine with it being a one and done classic, but I definitely would be down with a sequel or remake of Killer Klowns.

Seginustemple - A childhood favorite, they say there's a fine line between horror and comedy and nothing embodies that quite like clowns. Make them an alien race, give them a rockin' theme song, you got a movie goin'. It's a delight just to see how many little gags and bits it can squeeze out of the alien clown logic, with the bonus that the clownimatronic creations are perfectly garish and grotesque. I love how Debbie decides to take a leisurely shower for half the movie after witnessing the monsters murdering people, she's really not too concerned with it. And the screwball ice cream bros make me laugh way more than they should. It's all super dumb but when the electric guitar kicks in and those clowns start mobbing slow I'm way into it. "What are ya gonna do with those pies, boys?"

Johnbobb - You know, this movie is so goddamn dumb, and everyone in it is so goddamn dumb, but I have to give it credit where it's due. It put a LOT of work into the set design, costume design, lore. It's legitimately one of the most creative movies on this list, and what blows my mind is that they used all that creativity to make whatever the fuck this is.

Rockus - Id never seen this before and expected it to be straight schlock but boy was I wrong. First big surprise was that this looks like a real movie, rather than some no budget trash with a goofy premise. But in addition to that, what was really surprising is how much mileage it gets out of its concept. Normally some intentionally campy horror movie like this I wouldnt expect more than one joke beat to death over 90 minutes but Killer Klowns would continue to come up with fun new gags. From the balloon animal attack dog to the multiple tiny door gag near the end of the movie it was constantly throwing fresh shtick at the screen. Didnt really get a lot out of the ice cream truck duo but the rest of the movie is a lot of fun. A great big monster finale tops things off. Never expected it to be this enjoyable.

Lightning - Whatre ya gonna do with those pies, boys?

Killer Klowns From Outer Space is a loving homage of 1950s B-movies right down to having a catchy theme tune like the one from The Blob. It is also one of the silliest horror movies I have ever seen. In fact it is so deliberately silly I will probably struggle to give it any kind of critical analysis but Ill try anyway.

This is a film where there are aliens that look like clowns for some reason, and capture and kill people using a variety of circus tricks and acts. Why do they look like clowns? No idea, maybe we get the ide of clowns from them. It seems that what they want to do is capture humans, turn them into candy floss and drink them through silly straws. I hope youre keeping up! Now, obviously this is all very light, it is quite similar in tone and level of content to Gremlins but Id say it has something of a meaner edge to it while that film was ultimately pretty wholesome. There are some great gags here as well as some fun low level gore. Sometimes the two are even combined, such as when the police officer just gets pelted with pies and then dissolves. In terms of sheer camp value, this one is pretty up there.

Overall I had a fun time with this but it doesnt really excel at either the comedy side or the horror side. Its just a fun, light horror comedy that would be good for a Halloween watch party but probably wont change your life.

3/5

Jcgamer107 - 2/10

Karo - A group of space aliens that coincidentally look exactly like circus clowns invade a small town in their big top tent spaceship and kill people with pies and popcorn and oh come the fuck on.

The acting is so terrible it might have been on purpose, but I suspect it is more that nobody involved with this really gave a shit (except for the sculptor of the masks, he seems like he is having a lot of fun).

The klowns themselves seem to lack a lot of purpose and are woefully inconstant, hey guys lets capture this one person for no reason when we're killing literally everyone else just because she's the female lead! Lets spend more time trolling people than actually harvesting the warm bodies you traveled all the way to this planet to acquire.

While amusing at the start it doesn't last, as the movie's one joke gets run into the ground past the point of physical pain. It is a film that is krappy, korny and kompletly lacking of any real komedy and this three ring circus can't end quick enough.

Snake - Despite my low ranking here, I actually think this film is absurdly fun, more so than it has any right being. I used to write this film off as dumb and terrible long before actually sitting down to watch it, and I was so glad to be proven wrong. Well, its still dumb, but a film filled with this much creativity and devotion to its premise cannot be terrible! I love all the ridiculous clown weapons, the shallow but relatable and likable protagonists, and its cheesy slap-stick jokes. John Vernon chewing the scenery especially is one of the films biggest delights. While it may not be mistaken for a deep artistic piece, who says it has to be?

Bitto - Rating: D-

Well...I don't know what I expected from a movie called "Killer Klowns from Outer Space." That's definitely what the movie was about. There's an interesting angle to take it where the bizarre world and nature of clowns are literally alien that they touch on a little bit. I love the design of the circus tent/spaceship. But it feels like these clowns are so....mundane in how they do things. I want weird things coming from aliens! Things that would feel unnatural! But these are just...clowns doing clown things, but also they're murderous.

If Mooney was just completely removed from this movie, this would probably jump up 5 ranks. Holy shit, what an awful character. Even his death is underwhelming and oddly tries to paint him in a heroic light? Even though he almost certainly killed two people by locking up the clown with them? I don't really love the ice cream brothers either.

Evilordexdeath - It's a B movie, you're supposed to laugh at how stupid it is. There are evil aliens who look like clowns killing everyone. Sure. They shoot popcorn and cotton candy at people and track them with a balloon dog. Alright. The first victim is a redneck who calls his dog Pooh Bear which reminded me of a review of A.A. Milne's book by one Paul Bryant I read on Goodreads the other day:

Winnie-the-Pooh, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Win-knee-the-Pooh: the tip of
the lip taking a trip of three steps down the palate to return at four to kiss : Pooh. He was Pooh,
plain Pooh, in the morning, standing eighteen inches in one sock. He was that scruffy old bear
at school. He was Mr Winnie Pooh on the dotted line. But in my arms he was always Bear.

That was the most amusement I got out of the movie. If it had ended with a three-way sex scene between the girl, her cop ex, and her new bf, I wouldve rated it at least 10 places higher.

Plasmabeam - Absolutely not for me. There are some cool camera techniques at play, but the story is too goofy and the humor is too flat.

Needless to say, Inviso's analysis was spot on

Really glad I changed my pick at the last minute. I'm three-for-three now in Vegas predictions.

Boo at the haters though; this movie was so weird and fun compared to a lot of this list.

jcgamer107 posted...

I found the end twist to Sleepaway Camp to be pretty good and creepy (that deranged smile o_o)

Yeah it's a great ending imo. They were going to have Angela wear a strap on but her mom said uhhhh no so they made a mask of her and a dude wore it

The problem for me is I LIKE a lot of the films on this list from Killer Klowns up and my top 10 is loaded with all-time favorites, so a film like Killer Klowns just being a good fun time isn't really enough for me to rank it any higher.

The Chiodos Brothers went on to do Critters, right?

Critters was beforehand but yes they did all the effects and made the creatures for all the films in that series.

I had absolutely no idea where to rank Killer Klowns. I enjoyed it much more than I thought I would though

Killer Klowns is a lot of fun. I don't know if I'd even call it a B movie. That tends to refer to budget and this had a few millions put in it, even in the 80s. It's just an intentional campy comedy.

A lot of fun though. A bunch of great gags in it. The balloon dog, the shadow puppets, the tiny door gag. That was a huge surprise. It's mainly low for me because a of this list is really good.

Killer Klowns is one of the films I was interested in checking out that I didn't get around to watching yet.

Outlier
Fortybelowsummer - 33
Jcgamer107 - 30
Inviso - 24
Bitto - 22
Seginustemple - 19
Mythiot - 13
Rockus - 13
Karo - 12
Evilordexdeath - 11
Johnbobb - 10
Plasmabeam - 9
Lightning - 7
Snake - 5

New ringleader under the big-top!

I think that's the first time I've seen something drop in the bottom three and still gone "hell yeah, that's made me wanna check it out". Big Klown fan.

rockus posted...

Killer Klowns is a lot of fun. I don't know if I'd even call it a B movie. That tends to refer to budget and this had a few millions put in it, even in the 80s. It's just an intentional campy comedy.

A lot of fun though. A bunch of great gags in it. The balloon dog, the shadow puppets, the tiny door gag. That was a huge surprise. It's mainly low for me because a of this list is really good.

I agree, I think it's certainly inspired by b-movies but isn't actually one itself.

I feel like Killer Klowns would have been a hit for me. I definitely appreciate the creative energy behind it.

After this gauntlet, I'm fairly certain one of my pet peeves in horror movies is when some characters are taking the dangers seriously and others aren't. I'm not really sure why that bothers me so much because I do tend to really like comedic characters in other stuff.

So far I am 0/3 out of seeing these movies. Ive been hoping what was my 16/16 would drop soon as that was the only one I didnt like but alas there were some duds in my unwatched pile it seems like.

Guess I'll stick on Friday the 13th

Exdeath, Vis, and jcgamer all kash in on the klowns!

VEGAS ODDSBOARD:
+500 Friday the 13th (1980)
+700 Phenomena (1985)
+700 Re-Animator (1985)
+1000 Creepshow (1982)
+1000 Tetsuo: The Iron Man (1989)
+1200 Prince of Darkness (1987)
+1200 Pet Sematary (1989)
+200 Any Other Movie (+2000 if guessed correctly)

Current Leaderboard:
1) Inviso $1750 (Killer Klowns From Outer Space 600, Sleepaway Camp 650, Basket Case 500)
2) Exdeath $1250 (Killer Klowns From Outer Space 600, Sleepaway Camp 650)
3) Lightning $1150 (Sleepaway Camp 650, Basket Case 500)
4) Seginus $650 (Sleepaway Camp 650)
4) Johnbobb $650 (Sleepaway Camp 650)
4) Bitto $650 (Sleepaway Camp 650)
4) Karo $650 (Sleepaway Camp 650)
5) jcgamer $600 (Killer Klowns From Outer Space 600)

I'll switch to Tetsuo.

+1000 on Tetsuo

I'm gonna go with Pet Sematary this time, thinking maybe it suffers some Stephen King SFF

I'll stick with Re-Animator

Go with Tetsuo again

I'll take Friday 13th

Yeah Ill stick with Friday the 13th.

Going Tetsuo.

I will always remember the time I fell asleep on the couch and woke up at 4 am or so to Killer Klowns playing on the TV. It was a beautiful, horrible fever dream and I love it.

27. Friday the 13th (1980 / 296 points)
Directed by: Sean S. Cunningham / Written by: Victor Miller
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/7/7687fa28.jpg
Why Its Significant - Friday the 13th took the blueprint laid out by Halloween, upped the body count, and reveled in the anxieties of a generation raised on warnings about premarital sex and drug use. The film established the now-cliched formula of picking off characters indulging in these vices, and, while Halloween dabbled in the killer's perspective, Friday the 13th pioneered its use. Innovative shots placed the audience directly in the eyes of the killer, blurring the line between viewer and villain and intensifying the moments leading up to the kills, as well as providing HUGE pay-off on the twist (one that can surprisingly still catch many a modern first-time viewer off-guard if all you know is Jason!) It was a smash success as an indie film, made for a mere $550,000 but going on to gross nearly $60 million. In fact, it was the first independent film to be acquired by a major motion picture studio and there wasnt any doubt that the film would be a success or had untapped potential - in fact, it was embroiled in a huge bidding war between three studios! The film's expected financial success of course launched a juggernaut franchise, spawning nine sequels, a crossover film with Freddy Krueger, remake, TV series, comics, games, music, countless merchandise and references the media world over. And thats ALL without even properly & fully introducing the franchise's iconic villain Jason. Friday the 13th is undoubtedly one of the most influential horror films ever released.

The Rankers
Fortybelowsummer - 7
Seginustemple - 15
Karo - 16
Jcgamer107 - 19
Johnbobb - 22
Inviso - 23
Snake - 25
Bitto - 27
Evilordexdeath - 28
Mythiot - 28
Plasmabeam - 28
Rockus - 28
Lightning - 30

Fortybelowsummer - This was the first horror movie I saw as a kid so its immensely important to me. I dont think its an exaggeration to say that it was a life altering event that, along with discovering Stephen King, made me a horror fan. That being said, its not exactly a great movie. A number of the sequels are better, mainly because, yknow Jason is actually the killer in them. The dialogue and acting are quite bad and theres no real plot as it segues from one kill to the next. But does that really matter with a movie like this? Not really, and if youre down with some boobs and blood (courtesy of the GOAT Tom Savini) then youre in for a good time. Spawning 11 other movies, a tv series, games, and mountains of merchandise, its certainly the standard bearer for the slasher genre and an all-time classic.

Seginustemple - I can't believe it took me this long to finally see this, and what a pleasant surprise that Jason isn't the killer in this one nor is the hockey mask thing even in the movie. It completely caught me off-guard that it's Mrs. Voorhees in a reverse-Psycho scenario. I have seen Scream, but forgot about that famous bit of trivia from the opening scene. They even provide a plausible motive for killing all these people specifically while they're getting it on - it's about the neglect of their counselerly duties! Besides that it was just good to have a basic, straightfoward slasher in the mix. Nothing fancy, plain and to the point.

Karo - A mysterious killer massacres summer camp counselors in this slasher classic. It is pretty by the numbers for these kinds of movies, a bunch of hot people take their clothes off and arbitrarily wander off alone until they get stabbed.

I do like how they only show the killer from a first person perspective until the very end, rather than sensationalizing their appearance. It makes it seem like this monster could be any person, instead of some cartoonish freak. Anyway, it is the actions of a killer that make them scary, not any stupid mask they wear.

Still, it is full of incredible stupidity like this idiot girl who knocks out the killer THREE times and then just keeps wandering away so they can wake up and continue chasing her. Please just impale yourself on something already before you can further pollute the human genome.

It is a serviceable movie that gets the job done, though not really one that is deserving of its pop culture status or having like a dozen fucking sequels, it is simply 'okay'.

Jcgamer107 - 4/10

Johnbobb - If nothing else, Friday the 13th is just proof of how good Harry Manfredini was at making an absolutely terrifying horror score. I've never really understood why he didn't end up becoming a recognizable name like so many of the other horror composers of the 80s did. I think Friday the 13th succeeds in basically everything is sets out to do; it's unsettling and thrilling and mysterious in a way that, had it not ended up being one of the biggest horror franchises of all time, would now be viewed as a cult favorite.

Inviso - I feel like I must have seen this before, yet I cannot remember having seen a good chunk of it before this watchthrough. Maybe its just a film so ubiquitous (or Ive seen other Friday the 13th films), so I only thought Id seen this before. But ultimately, this isnt exactly a film I enjoyed watching; its VERY boring. The characters all feel interchangeable, with the singular personality trait of slightly flirtatious, and the end result is a LOT of establishing shots of nature, and the woods, and the lake, while the cast are performing mundane tasks like swimming or hitchhiking or playing Monopoly. Its just very slow, and the problem is that this almost feels like a documentary rather than a movie.

What I mean by that is that the story isnt told in a way that makes for an exciting film. The events are shown as if this is a very realistic instance of a serial killer attacking a summer camp. You open on some camp counselors getting murdered while having sex, then the next scene is a girl hitchhiking, where shes told about how the camp is cursed. Cut to a different group of kids driving to the camp, where they meet the guy in charge, who winds up leaving soon thereafter. Cut back to the hitchhiker girl, where she gets murdered first, and it just feels completely out-of-place, because she never meets or interacts with anyone else in the cast, and shes only ever referenced as being a good cookso shes JUST there to up the kill count.

Thats what I mean though, when I talk about documentary style. It feels like the movie is telling events as they happened, chronologically, regardless of whether they benefit the film as a whole. Theres a point where a girl goes off alone to use the bathroom, and shell eventually get stalked and killed with an axe to the face, but rather than maintain that single scene to really amp up the tension, the movie keeps cutting back to a superfluous Monopoly game. Its just really weird,

what the film chooses to emphasize. Hell, AFTER everyone is dead except for Alice, she finds her first body and freaks out, and we then get a scene of all the precautions shes taking to barricade the building shes in. Tying a rope to he doorknob, locking windows, closing blinds, shoving things in front of the door. This is all leading to a single moment where another body gets launched through a windowand then the killer justlets that happen. For some reason, the killer chooses to psychologically torture Alice and Alice alone.

And I know the twist ending is supposed to be iconic, but the last twenty minutes of the film introduce a character that we have not met before, who shows up, announces her tragic backstory to justify becoming a murderer, and then she chases Alice through a series of repetitive and clunky attacks that are nowhere near as violent or effective as the seven other camp personnel shes killed up to that point. Its just weirdits like the movie completely changes its tone and plot style once there are no more disposable characters to kill off, and it leads to a bizarre ending that still manages to take WAY too long once the Pamela Voorhees reveal takes place. Even the jump scare ending feels cheap, since its all a dream (which maybe Im watching a different cut of the film, and the true ending is her getting grabbed, but either way, it feels like a completely unnecessary addition to a movie that hadnt really had anything supernatural up to that point.)

Snake - Its really hard to discuss and talk about this film in a modern context. It just feels so - banal. It doesnt help that it feels like Friday the 13th has been made and remade again & again in the decades since its release. What feels cliche now is only in retrospect, a fact thats a little hard to fault the actual film for. And yet, with this banality, comes a strange nostalgic magic to the film. Theres a strength in its simplicity, not flashy, but focused on brutal kills & traumatic events all perpetrated by this mother in a nice sweater. Before the franchise devolves into a sloppy supernatural-tinged goofy mess, theres a real gravitas here thats absent in pretty much all future films with maybe the second being another exception. While that has its own appeal, it loses the sense of vulnerability and real-world horror that the initial 1980 installment captures so well. So while I dont think Friday the 13th is a particularly strong film on its own, I do enjoy it in the context of the franchise and as the confident stepping stone the slasher genre took and smashed ruthlessly into the ground.

Bitto - Rating: D

It's a fine slasher with teenage victims. My problem is that I just really don't like these types of movies. The setting is nice. The characters are about par for the course for a movie of this kind. The kills are generally interesting. Jason's mom is a good killer; though, her fight scenes are a little comical when they show her stumbling to fight Alice as opposed to being from her POV. None of it really resonates with me. In a gauntlet, I always feel like there's one movie that just blends in with the rest and this one felt like the one for me this time.

I'm very glad we did not go with Cannibal Holocaust being on this list, because I could barely handle a real snake being killed.

Evilordexdeath - The story goes that after the success of Halloween, whoever made this film wanted to rush out a knock-off as fast as possible for profit. idk if that's actually true at all but my American friend who loves sitting through shitty horror films keeps telling it to me.

While the first person shots from the killer's perspective are used to mask the plot twist that ***HUGE spoilers*** it's actually his mom killing everyone in this film, it still marks the world's introduction to the abstinence-themed superhero, Jason Voorhees. Do you think the contrast of sexuality and violence in this film is just used to titillate viewers with these two visceral concepts, or is Jason's tendency to murder kids who sleep together a reflection of the prudism embedded in the American psyche since the days of the Puritan frontiersman?

It's tempting to ask questions like this to try and spice up the task of writing about this profoundly mediocre film. This is like the platonic ideal of mediocrity: the acting and cinematography are super cheesy, the characters are neither lovable enough that I wanted them to survive and felt tension as Jason...'s mom was creeping up on them, nor really hateable enough that I wanted them to die. The scares are always undermined by the over the top strings and the most creative kill is someone getting stabbed in the neck from underneath a mattress - almost all the others are just a "default" stab in the chest or throat-cut. Even the plot twist completely lacks impact because the killer was in like one scene before that (At least I *think* they were one of the people in the pub near the start but I honestly can't say for sure) and the final confrontation between them and the last survivor girl drags on way too long and is honestly really lame until the funny head chop that ends it off. It's one of those movies that isn't really bad, but you almost wish it were because that might at least be interesting.

Plasmabeam - Somehow I managed to spend 34 years on this planet without watching the original Friday the 13th. Honestly I wish I had kept that streak going. This movie is dogshit until Mrs. Vorhees arrives, and even then she barely rescues it from landing at #30 on my list.

Rockus - Its still kind of odd that the first film in this franchise is (largely) without the unstoppable monster that its known for. The twist that the killer was Jasons mother all along is still a pretty good idea however and one of the better aspects of the movie. While its still mostly pretty competent, and not quite as bad looking as Sleepaway Camp, it isnt anything special either. A serviceable by the numbers slasher that hasnt even found its iconic monster villain yet. But then again Im not really crazy about this franchise on the whole anyway.

Lightning - But then hes still there.

In 1978 John Carpenters masterful Halloween brought the slasher genre into the public consciousness with quite possibly one of the best horror movies ever made. The end result was of course a host of imitators attempting to cash in and just two years later Friday the 13th was released. This was not a film with a strong vision behind it, in fact they came up with the title first, advertised the film in the trade press and then hastily made the film around it. The result of this was a bland, uninspiring film that took all of the wrong lessons from its predecessor.

This is a film that has none of the style or excitement of Halloween, there are a few nicely done sequences of the killers perspective and one big scare at the very end but otherwise it is not much to write home about on a technical level. The idea of the killer is the most interesting thing about this film and makes the way the franchise went afterwards thanks to that final scare kind of disappointing. Even then however, the film undercuts its own mystery by setting up a whodunnit where its impossible to figure out who. The great Tom Savini is on makeup here but its a far cry from his best work. On the subject of effects it also should be penalised for the completely unnecessary killing of a snake, which the handler supposedly did not know about and was very distressed by. Also, the film fails to use its setting to its advantage other than the killers motives, the cast featuring a young Kevin Bacon could be anybody and the kills, even the famous Kevin Bacon death, are largely just boring deaths by sharp object.

The film is not awful, some of the long shots are really effective, the cinematography giving a voyeuristic feel like you are the stalker. It mostly just feels quite mediocre and uninteresting, which is all the worse for the fact that this is supposedly comfortably the best in this longrunning franchise. Overall this film was not actively distasteful, just thoroughly uninteresting.