Current Events > "Work friends are not real friends"

(+) Yeah! (+)

Wasn't said directly to me, but the newest hot take from my mom.

Your thoughts?

There's some truth to that from firsthand experience

It depends. My 2 current friends were met at jobs. We all have different jobs now and stay in touch. But for the most part you can't trust a coworker.

Depends on the workplace and if & how much you hang out after work.

That's been the case at every job I've had. I've certainly been friendly with coworkers and had good relationships, but my work friends are never equivalent to my real friends

For me if you speak to them outside of work (including texting) then they're a friend.

If you just get on with them but only engage when on shift then they're coworkers.

DipDipDiver posted...

That's been the case at every job I've had. I've certainly been friendly with coworkers and had good relationships, but my work friends are never equivalent to my real friends

This

I've only had maybe 2-3 coworkers that I did stuff with outside of work (not counting just going for a drink after work), but once one of us left the company that died off real quick. So I think there's some truth to it. Granted I've been working remotely since covid and haven't lived anywhere near my direct coworkers since.

I misread the topic.

Yeah I somewhat agree. Though if you hang out with them outside of work, then you can have a genuine friendship with them for sure.

A friend you made at work is a real friend.

A work colleague who you are friendly with is not necessarily a real friend

Friends are friends, doesn't matter where

theAteam posted...

I've only had maybe 2-3 coworkers that I did stuff with outside of work (not counting just going for a drink after work), but once one of us left the company that died off real quick. So I think there's some truth to it. Granted I've been working remotely since covid and haven't lived anywhere near my direct coworkers since.

You just didn't meat any lifer friends. I went to Florida (lol) and AZ with one friend I met at work, and Vietnam with another.

The one person I thought I'd be friends with forever I met when we were both 2 years old. We did everything together, graduated together. He ended up screwing me over and we haven't talked for over 20 years. Don't even know if he's still alive.

Depends. It doesn't have to be a rule but at a lot of places it kind of implicitly is.

I worked with two guys who became best friends by working together for several years just because, well, they saw each other more than their own families, y'know?

Really unlikely friends considering our increasingly tribal social bullshit, actually. One was the reddest of rednecks and the other was Hispanic. But last I checked, they still work together. And work on cars together after work.

One of my absolute best/closest friends started as someone I worked with.

Friendship is going on 30 years. I was the best man at his wedding and he was the best man at mine.

But theres also people I worked with and ate lunch with every single day that once I left the job, I never spoke to them again other than messages on social media.

So it can go either way

One of my best friends is a work friend. We work at different sites now within the same system, but we became close while working together.

Depends. I had one part time job where I made some lifelong friends.

I'd say that's generally true for people you only interact with in certain circumstances. It certainly can develop into a real friendship, but I think that definitely requires interaction outside of that. Otherwise, you're just acquaintances, even if you technically spending a lot of time together.

If you need to put a qualifier in front of "friend," I agree.

If a co-worker was someone you hung out with outside of work as well, you'd just call them a friend.

Not all colleagues are friends but they certainly can be. Almost everybody I view as a friend in the country I live in is a colleague.

So are classmates also not friends? Who even constitutes as friends?

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

This, but I do have one person at work who I do consider a homie. Anytime I feel like my usual friendly coworkers are pissed at me over their shitty moods he makes an effort to reach out to me and let me know hes got my back.

I like working with almost all the people at my job; we get along, we have laughs together - it's a pretty good scene. But I also know some of them aren't the kind of people I would socialize with if work hadn't put us in that position. And that's ok. Work friends don't need to be "real" friends to have value.

ClayGuida posted...

So are classmates also not friends? Who even constitutes as friends?

People you meet outside of 'obligations' of work/education/living together I guess?

In a vacuum it's not exactly wrong as most people don't spend personal time with people they work with or communicate with them outside of work.

But given the source, I can imagine why it was said.

"online friends are not real friends"

Same energy.

K181 posted...

If you need to put a qualifier in front of "friend," I agree.

If a co-worker was someone you hung out with outside of work as well, you'd just call them a friend.

This reminds me of a funny story about my boys.

One night Mrs. Devsman was meeting some friends for dinner, and after she left, they forgot and asked where she went. So I told them she was going to meet some friends.

Well, they started running up and down the hall yelling "Mama's friends!" because, Iunno, they're kids and weird things are funny to them.

I showed Mrs. Devsman the video I took, because of course I took a video, and she took it as incredulity at the thought that Mama had friends. So we laughed for a second and then after a second of silence, it hit me and I said

"At least they've HEARD of your friends."

CountCorvinus posted...

"online friends are not real friends"

Same energy.

They're not if there's a lot of anonymity between them, IMO.

VeggetaX posted...

They're not if there's a lot of anonymity between them, IMO.

My online friends know more about me than my meatspace ones.

Depends entirely on the definition of "real friends".

First off, depending on the circumstances, your co-workers could also be your competition. Second, unlike "real" friends who you take the time to put into your schedule and formulate a place to meet up and something to do, work friends are already in your schedule via the thing you do to make a living. Third, and why relationships at work are generally frowned up, you can often not choose to cut them out of your life should you need to without taking a significant risk with your livelihood.

"Real friends" thus would be:

• People who do not effect your livelihood
• People who you need to make time for, and not who are already part of your schedule (these are either co-workers, neighbors, obligations, or family)
• People you can cut out of your life with minimal consequences except for what they bring to you in terms of their friendship

CountCorvinus posted... "online friends are not real friends"

Same energy.

Not really. Online friends can absolute fit the general definition of a "real friend" since they can absolutely meet all the criteria described above.

Co-workers and friends have been separated for a long time for a reason, and the reason ain't some random "online ain't real" bullshit. The two, while sometimes capable of offering the same thing, carry very different risks and scenarios surrounding how they interact with you.

It's not a rule to live your life by.

School friends, college friends, hobby friends, neighbour friends . . . they might not be 'real' friends either. On the other hand, that person in the office may well be.

Case by case basis.

Don't close yourself off but don't be surprised if it's what ends up happening either.

ClayGuida posted...

So are classmates also not friends? Who even constitutes as friends?

Apparently classmates are not friends either.

It was just some conversation my mom and sister were having at dinner about their shithead co-workers, that are overly talkative to a fault and have terrible relationship history, and turned to "You shouldn't be friends with co-workers. Like in school, they aren't your friends, just people you have to be friendly to. None of them actually care."

hockeybabe89 posted...

Wasn't said directly to me, but the newest hot take from my mom.

Your thoughts?

don't really get it though, why wouldn't or couldn't they be?

I met my wife at a job we both worked at. Is she not my real wife?

hockeybabe89 posted...

Apparently classmates are not friends either.

It was just some conversation my mom and sister were having at dinner about their shithead co-workers, that are overly talkative to a fault and have terrible relationship history, and turned to "You shouldn't be friends with co-workers. Like in school, they aren't your friends, just people you have to be friendly to. None of them actually care."

An example of someone being partially right but overly cynical. It is possible many people do care, but the process of work and school is often "going through the motions" and when you are no longer a part of that motion, you no longer matter. Not because that person doesn't like you or have fun around you, but because your only link was that interaction and life moves forward.

LincolnDuncan posted... I met my wife at a job we both worked at. Is she not my real wife?

That doesn't make any sense. A co-worker can transition into something else. They are not bound to be a co-worker only for eternity.

LincolnDuncan posted...

I met my wife at a job we both worked at. Is she not my real wife?

yeah i don't get the quote or sentiment , at all either

I feel like school is an easier place to breed friendships because everyone's there because they have to be.

"Misery loves company," and all that. But in the working world people are trying to get ahead and have their talents be recognized so it's easy to see the people you encounter as just transient as you and they work their way up to through the ladder.

hockeybabe89 posted...

Apparently classmates are not friends either.

It was just some conversation my mom and sister were having at dinner about their shithead co-workers, that are overly talkative to a fault and have terrible relationship history, and turned to "You shouldn't be friends with co-workers. Like in school, they aren't your friends, just people you have to be friendly to. None of them actually care."

I wonder if it's more about their experience. My sister usually says the same thing, but it's because her coworkers are assholes. Supervisor positions come and go at her job, so her coworkers will sell each other out for a chance at a promotion.

even some kpop groups who are supposed to look like they are siblings and are supporting each other through thick and thin admit they arent really friends irl.

Work friends can be real friends but not all work friends are real friends.

In my public accounting days I had a lot of work friends. And a lot of them ended up being real friends. People who I still hang out with to this day, despite most of us not working there anymore. But a lot of those work friends. People who I talked with daily, had gone out to the bars with, and got along with very well, ended up being just work friends. When we went our seperate ways, we lost touch completely. I'm sure if we bumped into each other while out and about we'd strike up a friendly conversation and maybe go grab a drink but I'd wager we wouldn't stay in touch after.

At my current job. I only have work friends. No one is even threatening to be a real friend and that's okay.

I mean, they can be, but never share anything with them that they can use against you later, no matter how friendly you are. I've seen what happens when work friendships break down.

TheShadowViper posted...

An example of someone being partially right but overly cynical. It is possible many people do care, but the process of work and school is often "going through the motions" and when you are no longer a part of that motion, you no longer matter. Not because that person doesn't like you or have fun around you, but because your only link was that interaction and life moves forward.

That's how I see it. I'm not gullible enough to think everyone who says hi to you is your best friend, but I just can't go through each day assuming everyone will stab me in the back if I no longer benefit them.

I'm sure this will come up again the next conversation I have about my transition and my support system.

I guess I'm just not miserable every day and hate my job like the rest of my family.

TheShadowViper posted...

Co-workers and friends have been separated for a long time for a reason, and the reason ain't some random "online ain't real" bullshit. The two, while sometimes capable of offering the same thing, carry very different risks and scenarios surrounding how they interact with you.

Seems like a you problem.

BlueAnnihilator posted...

I mean, they can be, but never share anything with them that they can use against you later, no matter how friendly you are. I've seen what happens when work friendships break down.

use against you later? what do you mean?

I have a hardline rule of keeping my professional and private lives as separate as possible and not once have I regretted it. But as has been said,

Compsognathus posted...

Work friends can be real friends but not all work friends are real friends.

and the same applies for school/etc.