Poll of the Day > How important is it to you that the wife/husband takes the other's last name?

(+) Yeah! (+)

My supervisor occasionally teases another coworker that have a year of marriage she still have not taken her husband's last name for her own. Said coworker and I briefly talked about it and I mentioned how my sister has not taken my brother-in-law's last name either after over a year of marriage.

Both my sister and brother-in-law doesn't see the symbology of sharing last names worth the hassle of changing all official documents, online accounts, credit cards, etc. just for a last name change. Funny enough my cousins thought my sister was trying to make a statement when she just thought it'll be too much of a hassle.

Personally for me, I do not see it being important at all. It is only a last name and other than for official documents, accounts, finances, etc. it means little to nothing. How one interact with one's significant other is more important than sharing the same last name.

Do you find it important, not important, or is indifferent to the wife/husband taking the other's last name for her/his own?

Comments are appreciated,

Thank you
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I think that it's very important-- it's a patriarchal norm that a woman takes her husband's name, almost like a sign of fidelity given that she will bare children with his name.
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I think they should, but if they don't want to it's okay too.
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I don't really think it matters because I'm not a stodgy traditionalist. If I have kids I'd just want them to have my name because doing a hyphenated name or whatever is silly, plus if they ever got married and had their own kids and started further hyphenating the names that would just be crazy

Indifferent.

She took my last name anyways.
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Chewster posted...

I don't really think it matters because I'm not a stodgy traditionalist. If I have kids I'd just want them to have my name because doing a hyphenated name or whatever is silly, plus if they ever got married and had their own kids and started further hyphenating the names that would just be crazy

If my (hypothetical) wife had a cooler last name than me I might even take hers or at least give the last name to the kids

Hyphenated names are super lame. I agree. I look at people who do that with as much disdain as couples that say "we're pregnant." Both of you, huh?
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SunWuKung420 posted...

Indifferent.

She took my last name anyways.

Same. I told my wife it was up to her if she did. She chose to. That being said, the compromise was I had to go to the Social Security office and DMV with her for name change stuff, and I had to get our marriage license copy on my day off.

I honestly wouldn't care that much. If she wanted my last name, great. If she didn't, great as well.

I wouldn't take their last name, only because I like my last name and want to keep it.
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"It's a hassle."

That's love though. What a poor excuse.
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Veedrock- posted...

"It's a hassle."

That's love though. What a poor excuse.

*Shrug*. Even my brother-in-law agreed. The symbology of taking one's last name to them was just a symbol. I do feel the couple's actions to one another means more than just taking one's last name. Does the last name or marriage license defines the marriage or how they treat one another?
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For other people? I don't give a shit what you do. Your life, your business. For me? I insisted that my wife and I have the same last name. Among other reasons, I cared more about that than she did and she valued her name more than I did, so I took her name when we got married. I really like the idea that we got married and became family. Our children will have just one last name: ours.

Also, changing your name by marriage is incredibly easy to do, even for a guy. At least it was in Kent county in Michigan. Any argument that it's a hassle is a bit silly. If you can afford a half a day off of work (for the social security office), you can change your name when you get married. Note that you have to sign the marriage license under the new name. Otherwise you do get the hassle of a traditional name change, which takes a fee and going before a judge.

SushiSquid posted...

For me? I insisted that my wife and I have the same last name. Among other reasons, I cared more about that than she did and she valued her name more than I did, so I took her name when we got married.

Interesting. I have heard of husbands taking the wive's last name and see nothing wrong with that. Like you stated, some are more concern about sharing the same last name than which last name is being taken.

Curious though, were any of your parents/relatives concern of your family/parent's last name being discontinued with you taking your wife's last name and your future children taking hers as well?

I am curious how many families as a whole are that concern with continuing the family line/name and expect the children to adopt either the husband's or wife's last name.
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the husband shouldn't take the wife's last name
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My parents' last name is Kidder. Except for a half brother whom I've seen like four times in my life, my dad had all sisters. This meant my extended family didn't share my last name, so my only associations with it were getting mocked in high school and hearing "ya kidding me Kidder?" jokes. My parents have four kids. I have two older brothers and a younger sister, and one of my older brothers has two sons.

My wife's dad had three brothers. One is gay, but the others have several kids, so she associates Fitzgerald with her identity. She also only has one sibling, her older sister.

For us, this solution made the most sense. I took my wife's name, and we're both happy with that. I understand that plenty of other people choose to use the husband's name, hyphenate, not change names, or some even combine to make a portmanteau of both names. Whatever works for people.

Krazy_Kirby posted...

the husband shouldn't take the wife's last name

I'll be sure to take that into... Oh wait, I don't care.

Krazy_Kirby posted...

the husband shouldn't take the wife's last name

So you're just full of terrible opinions then...
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Krazy_Kirby posted...

the husband shouldn't take the wife's last name

I can see why some feel the last name should be shared for symbolics but can't see why it matters if its the wife taking the husband's or the husband taking the wife's. Care to elaborate why the husband shouldn't take the wife's last name?

We live in a society where some women now are the breadwinner and in some cases the husband is the stay-at-home spouse taking care of the children since financially it made more sense. So what about a husband taking the wife's name doesn't make sense?
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You know... It would make more sense for the man to take the woman's last name. Whenever a woman has a baby that was previously fertilized naturally, there's a 100% chance it's going to be her child. Not always the case with the husband. Women determine how a family tree is structured. Do you know how many family histories must be doubly incorrect because of infidelity?

Kinda, as it unifies the future family under a shared banner.
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InfestedAdam posted...

The symbology of taking one's last name to them was just a symbol.

Marriage is just a symbol too.
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Veedrock- posted...

InfestedAdam posted...

The symbology of taking one's last name to them was just a symbol.

Marriage is just a symbol too.

I can agree with that hence why I feel how one act is more important than the name or marriage license. If there wasn't financial perks to being married and/or legal documentations, I'd say the act of being married serve no real purpose. I have two sets of friends buying their houses before getting married. They were together for several years and were practically married in all but name and documentations.

Between a couple who are often loving and caring of each other but not officially married versus a couple who are officially married but often are arguing and fighting with each other, I'd say the former is more of an actual marriage than the latter.
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Hot tub Time machine will clarify everything you need to know about the topic.

Unless she was a celebrity or came from a famous family, I'd probably not bother marrying over it. However, if I was marrying into a famous family (along the lines of a Kennedy, not a Kardashian), I'd be somewhat tempted to take their last name which I believe was a tradition in certain cultures when the bride's family is of a higher status than the groom's. In general, for the purpose of parental rights, it's just easier that both parents share the same name
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I don't think it's important. Actually, I find it sexist.
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Did not care. She took my name because she likes it, and me for some reason
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I'm indifferent. I could care less. my boyfriend and I probably won't get married. He's been married twice before. And doesn't want to do that again. And even if I was dating someone else, I probably wouldn't want to be married. But if I did marry someone, I wouldn't want to change my name. And I would let them decide is they wanted to or not. I know a few couples where the man has taken the woman's last name. And usually, they like it be yet than their own. As for it being a hassle, it can be depending on what stuff you have to change. Most of the time, if the people really want to change their name, it's probably important to them. So, they'll want to change it on everything. Which can take a while. But for the important stuff, it's less. But can still take time. Like in the military. There's a lot of poets you have to sign. And getting new name tags and getting new name tapes for the ABUs(or whatever kind you have based on service) can take time, too. They had a friend of mine running all over the base. And that can be a little stressful sometimes. Like when you're still expected to do you job and everything...
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JanwayDaahl posted...

I think that it's very important-- it's a patriarchal norm that a woman takes her husband's name, almost like a sign of fidelity given that she will bare children with his name.

Yep, because that will solve all of the other problems that are inherent in the very idea of marriage lol You must be fun at parties.
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What is someone was gay though? Does that still make any difference on the last name part?

TaKun782 posted...

What is someone was gay though? Does that still make any difference on the last name part?

Gay people still have last names, yes
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TheCyborgNinja posted...

I look at people who do that with as much disdain as couples that say "we're pregnant." Both of you, huh?

I never did get that. I mean it became obvious what the meaning was shortly after I first heard it, but it just sounds so ridiculous. Annoys me to no end.
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While I don't think it's important to take each other's last names, I do think it's important to have the same last name. And while I'm fine with the two people having hyphenated last names, I do feel the kids should have just one last name.
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You should combine the two into a cooler sounding name.
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I'm nowhere near married, but I personally don't think I'd GAF if my hypothetical wife didn't want my last name.
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Interesting results. I didn't expect that many to feel it is important. Of those who do, I wonder how many are fine with the husband taking the wife's last name.

TaKun782 posted...

What is someone was gay though? Does that still make any difference on the last name part?

I have thought about that and simply wasn't sure what the "traditional rule-of-thumb" would be in those situations. I can only assume it'll be a case-by-case thing with the couples deciding how to handle it.

By chance I have one cousin who will marry his boyfriend in June and a friend who will marry her girlfriend in the next year or two. I guess I'll find out soon enough how they handle the last names adoption.
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When two people want their last names hyphenated together, what is the outcome when each of them already have hyphenated names received from their respective parents? 4 names hyphenated into 1 or what?
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InfestedAdam posted...

Interesting results. I didn't expect that many to feel it is important. Of those who do, I wonder how many are fine with the husband taking the wife's last name.

I made a topic about that once...

InfestedAdam posted...

TaKun782 posted...

What is someone was gay though? Does that still make any difference on the last name part?

I have thought about that and simply wasn't sure what the "traditional rule-of-thumb" would be in those situations. I can only assume it'll be a case-by-case thing with the couples deciding how to handle it.

By chance I have one cousin who will marry his boyfriend in June and a friend who will marry her girlfriend in the next year or two. I guess I'll find out soon enough how they handle the last names adoption.

The only gay couple I knew that got married hyphenated...

AbsoluteDenial posted...

When two people want their last names hyphenated together, what is the outcome when each of them already have hyphenated names received from their respective parents? 4 names hyphenated into 1 or what?

I think it's more of a they decided type of thing...
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LinkPizza posted...

InfestedAdam posted...

Interesting results. I didn't expect that many to feel it is important. Of those who do, I wonder how many are fine with the husband taking the wife's last name.

I made a topic about that once...

I vaguely recall something like that. Do you recall the outcome of that topic?
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Indifferent. If they want to take my last name great if not I'm fine with that too. I wouldn't be changing my last name so I can't be hypocritical and expect them too. Family is much more than a last name anyway. As for having kids the same thing applies. It wouldn't matter to me what last name they used if both me and the partner had different last names.
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InfestedAdam posted...

LinkPizza posted...

InfestedAdam posted...

Interesting results. I didn't expect that many to feel it is important. Of those who do, I wonder how many are fine with the husband taking the wife's last name.

I made a topic about that once...

I vaguely recall something like that. Do you recall the outcome of that topic?

I wish...
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LinkPizza posted...

InfestedAdam posted...

LinkPizza posted...

InfestedAdam posted...

Interesting results. I didn't expect that many to feel it is important. Of those who do, I wonder how many are fine with the husband taking the wife's last name.

I made a topic about that once...

I vaguely recall something like that. Do you recall the outcome of that topic?

I wish...

Mostly the same as this one. I was the only husband who had actually taken his wife's name in that topic, but several others said they'd be willing. Most people didnt care, those who did were split between those who thought the woman should always change her name and those who thought it should be a fair discussion.

SushiSquid posted...

LinkPizza posted...

InfestedAdam posted...

LinkPizza posted...

InfestedAdam posted...

Interesting results. I didn't expect that many to feel it is important. Of those who do, I wonder how many are fine with the husband taking the wife's last name.

I made a topic about that once...

I vaguely recall something like that. Do you recall the outcome of that topic?

I wish...

Mostly the same as this one. I was the only husband who had actually taken his wife's name in that topic, but several others said they'd be willing. Most people didnt care, those who did were split between those who thought the woman should always change her name and those who thought it should be a fair discussion.

I do remember SushiSquid being there. He was the one who kind of reminded me that Inwas going to make a topic about this. I had thought about it while at another job. And then forgot.
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