Current Events > "Children shouldn't keep secrets from their parents"

(+) Yeah! (+)

Said by people who have forgotten their childhood or grew up extremely privileged.

Also said by good parents that didnt grow up extremely privileged and bad parents that havent forgotten their childhoods

well if that's the case, then parents shouldnt keep secrets from children also. should go both ways...

ZevLoveDOOM posted...

well if that's the case, then parents shouldnt keep secrets from children also. should go both ways...

I dunno

if my mom was pegging my dad (who was dressed as superman) and burning his nipples with cigars while he poured cold baked beans down her back, I'd rather they kept that secret

You know how much flash porn on NG I watched as a kid!? I wouldn't be the man I am today if I told my parents about it >_>

UnfairRepresent posted...

I dunno

if my mom was pegging my dad (who was dressed as superman) and burning his nipples with cigars while he poured cold baked beans down her back, I'd rather they kept that secret

well sure, when you put it that way, i suppose some secrets are supposed to stay secret. therapy can be expensive after all... >_>

SH?

NeonOctopuses posted...

SH?

I assume self-harm.

NeonOctopuses posted...

You know how much flash porn on NG I watched as a kid!? I wouldn't be the man I am today if I told my parents about it >_>

Same. Ganguro Girl made me the man I am today.

Uh.....

We tell our children this as a protection against groomers. Temporary surprise secrets are okay (dont tell Dad what we got him for Christmas), but in general no one should tell you to keep a secret from your parents, not even the other parent.

Abusers encourage secret keeping.

Sariana21 posted...

in general no one should tell you to keep a secret from your parents, not even the other parent.

This.
Obviously not all secrets are bad.
But if any person looks at you and says "don't tell your mom/dad/parenrs/adults" its generally a very bad thing and should definitely be told.

The reality is that if your kid goes to a "regular public middle school" or whatever, from their first day they will basically be hit in the face with every dirty secret you tried to keep from them about the world. Mostly from the other kids. I mean everything.

Sariana21 posted...

We tell our children this as a protection against groomers. Temporary surprise secrets are okay (dont tell Dad what we got him for Christmas), but in general no one should tell you to keep a secret from your parents, not even the other parent.

Abusers encourage secret keeping.

I waited tables for a while when I was in my late teens and early 20s. I had a table of regulars that was a mom, dad, and two young kids. I would be extra nice to the kids because they were well behaved and pleasant. One time I said something like "I have a secret, the chocolate milk is extra chocolatey" or some dumb shit. The parents told me that they don't have secrets in their family, they have surprises. The mom told me that abusers ask kids to keep a secret so the family doesn't do secrets.

It makes perfect sense. And I don't think when they are 13 the parents will be telling the kids "no secrets" because the kids know what it was all about.

I think, generally, once you acknowledge that your children are whole human beings, with independent thoughts, desires, motivations, etc, that's when you can start being a good parent.

VIXVLV posted...

I think, generally, once you acknowledge that your children are whole human beings, with independent thoughts, desires, motivations, etc, that's when you can start being a good parent.

I have interesting views on this.

Parents shouldnt look into any strange people their children meet on the internet

If a kid's hiding something, it's probably bad.

Kids should and do hide some things, but specific individuals shouldn't be telling kids to hide stuff.

ZevLoveDOOM posted...

well if that's the case, then parents shouldnt keep secrets from children also. should go both ways...

Actually I agree with this to an extent.

I think part of the reason Im so fucked up is that my parents definitely kept stuff from me. Im sure it was just to protect me but when you can still tell that things arent quite right, that doesnt help at all.

Kids are always gonna hide shit and kids are always gonna be exposed to fucked up shit from their peers at school. You cant control it

Xethuminra posted...

The reality is that if your kid goes to a "regular public middle school" or whatever, from their first day they will basically be hit in the face with every dirty secret you tried to keep from them about the world. Mostly from the other kids. I mean everything.

And now every kid has a cell phone, including those with unfettered access to the Internet. A parent can't compete with that, barring some sort of Amish-style sequestration away from technology and peers.

Children should be able to trust their parents to such a degree that they can reasonably share anything with them.

Same, parents should be able to know when it is appropriate to share sensitive (or otherwise secret) things with their children.

Some things shouldn't be openly discussed but if the cat is out of the bag, don't demand everybody else ignore that the cat is running around frantically.

It's really "Parents should be good enough parents that children don't fear telling them things."

It's not the child's responsibility to fix the relationship.

BTH_Phoenix posted...

If a kid's hiding something, it's probably bad.

Or they're LGBTQ+ and their parents will beat them and restrict their freedom if they find out. Or it's bullying and the parents will blame the child for not being tough enough. Or lots of things shitty parents might react to incorrectly.

hockeybub89 posted...

Or they're LGBTQ+ and their parents will beat them and restrict their freedom if they find out. Or it's bullying and the parents will blame the child for not being tough enough. Or lots of things shitty parents might react to incorrectly.

And yet the last topic with keffals had a lot of people being suspiciously enthusiastic about entrusting minors to a complete stranger handling their HRT over Discord just because it was for a good cause.

UnfairRepresent posted...

my mom was pegging my dad (who was dressed as superman) and burning his nipples with cigars while he poured cold baked beans down her back

o_O

It's for the best I didn't tell my parents I was attracted to Lola Bunny.

Kids should be able to have some amount of privacy. The daughter gushing about the boy she likes in her diary for example.

Of course children should always feel comfortable telling their parents anything. A kid afraid to talk to their parents about stuff is easier to manipulate I imagine.

The context changes wildly depending on quality of parents.

Evening_Dragon posted...

The context changes wildly depending on quality of parents.

Well sure.

I never kept any secrets as a child.

BloodMoon7 posted...

I never kept any secrets as a child.

It must have been nice to have such understanding parents.

Parents inadvertently taught me at a very young age to lie and protect secrets with my life, because it was the only way I could have any privacy at all lol