Current Events > I'm worried my father is going to track me down and confront me

(+) Yeah! (+)

I blocked his number a few months ago when he was using my dying grandmother to manipulate me into talking to him.

Well I've been getting more and more notifications that his number is trying to call me. He ambushed me at my old job once before when I was no-contact with him and I think he may find me again. And since my grandmother has since passed away, without a peep from me, I feel he may not be as nice as he was putting on then.

Can you get a restraining order on him?

You want me to beat his ass?

Does he have the ability to find out where you live and work now? What do you expect him to do to you?

Whats the full story here?

AloneIBreak posted...

Does he have the ability to find out where you live and work now? What do you expect him to do to you?

It's certainly possible. I don't have a big Internet presence, but a simple Google search gets you my work and home address within 8 results. I would't expect violence, but I am intensely fearful of negative personal interactions because it triggers a complete loss of emotional control in me.

Payzmaykr posted...

Whats the full story here?

My dad walked out on my mom some years ago and hung us 3 kids out to dry. He blamed it on my mom and accused her and my sister of basically brainwashing/scaring my brother and I, since we are autistic and apparently impressionable, into no longer wanting to interact with him.

The four of us eventually had to cram ourselves into a low-income apartment because none of us could afford to live alone. My dad would semi-regularly try to reach me, continuing to subtly blame others and tell me that "this isn't who you are".

Eventually, he tracked me down in-person at my previous job and told me he had moved to South Carolina and that I should come live with his new wife and family. I was stunned by the whole confrontation and was like "something something I'll think about it" and then continued not speaking to him.

A few months ago, he told me my grandmother had days to live and was no longer aware of who she was. He basically said I'm not as bad as I'm pretending to be and I finally responded "That's not fair. You know I care." and then he responded back something like "Finally! I knew I could say something that would get a response out of you!" I told him my life is finally going well and that I can't do anything more than hope my grandmother wasn't suffering. I then blocked him because I couldn't take any more conversation.

Also, my grandmother always backed my dad through all the hurt he put on us, but I didn't really blame her for anything.

If I saw my dad again, I'd beat his ass. Even if he didn't confront me and was just chillin and eating some Taco Bell and he had a new family, I'd beat his ass in front of his new family and traumatize everyone.

The last part of your post makes it all to clear that your dad is manipulative and doesn't care about you as a person, you are like a possession to him and he won't be satisfied until he can control you. He knows now that his words can affect you and he will try to exploit that. I don't condone violence despite what I said. But I'd beat your dad's ass if I was in that situation. Maybe you aren't as evil as me but the idea to take away here is that you can't let him get any advantage over you.

BloodMoon7 posted...

If I saw my dad again, I'd beat his ass. Even if he didn't confront me and was just chillin and eating some Taco Bell and he had a new family, I'd beat his ass in front of his new family and traumatize everyone.

The last part of your post makes it all to clear that your dad is manipulative and doesn't care about you as a person, you are like a possession to him and he won't be satisfied until he can control you. He knows now that his words can affect you and he will try to exploit that. I don't condone violence despite what I said. But I'd beat your dad's ass if I was in that situation. Maybe you aren't as evil as me but the idea to take away here is that you can't let him get any advantage over you.

I can't beat my way out of a paper bag. I'd probably trip and hurt myself. I'd likely either fly into a rage and scream obscenities or just crumple into a crying mess. I'm always honest here, but the veil of anonymity gives me the strength to be vocal. In real life, I am terrified of confrontation and keep a lot of myself hidden from others because of it. So when exposure forces me into a response, it's not a measured one.

I know who my dad is and I really hope he just stays away.

Question how old are you?

hockeybub89 posted...

I blocked his number a few months ago when he was using my dying grandmother to manipulate me into talking to him.

Well I've been getting more and more notifications that his number is trying to call me. He ambushed me at my old job once before when I was no-contact with him and I think he may find me again. And since my grandmother has since passed away, without a peep from me, I feel he may not be as nice as he was putting on then.

what has caused this rift between the two of you?

hockeybub89 posted...

It's certainly possible. I don't have a big Internet presence, but a simple Google search gets you my work and home address within 8 results.

If it's those "people finder" sites, you can request the removal of your info.

vycebrand2 posted...

Question how old are you?

34. He divorced my mom when I was a recent college dropout who was not yet diagnosed with autism. On that note, he treated me like a worthless loser who would never amount to anything for a while and then suddenly treated me like an idiot child when I was diagnosed.

GranTurismo posted...

what has caused this rift between the two of you?

See Post #7.

Also, it became clear that he divorced my mom because he was cheating on her (with a woman who is not his current wife) and tried to gaslight her into believing he left because she was emotionally abusive. When my dad sold the old house for $400,000, my mom got almost nothing.

It's also fucked up how he took my grandmother down to South Carolina with him and then rather quickly left her there when he moved to bumfuck Maryland.

Get a restraining order.

How do you feel about the prospect of physically defending yourself via weapons? I see you already said you couldn't beat his ass, however I wouldn't want him to physically harm you and if you really want him to stay away it may be the only way he understands.

You can't just put a restraining order on somebody for occasionally trying to talk to you.

Tenlaar posted...

You can't just put a restraining order on somebody for occasionally trying to talk to you.

Correct.

Tenlaar posted...

You can't just put a restraining order on somebody for occasionally trying to talk to you.

For coming to where you work and tracking you down you certainly can.

hockeybub89 posted...

34. He divorced my mom when I was a recent college dropout who was not yet diagnosed with autism. On that note, he treated me like a worthless loser who would never amount to anything for a while and then suddenly treated me like an idiot child when I was diagnosed.

Oh ok. I had a similar thing where I haven't talked to my mother in 30 years. When I moved from home I asked my family never to tell her where I'm at. That was kept. She might have found out but never bothered. Since I moved back "home" since I got my illness. I Asked them again to tell her I'm not here, understand. My word of advice would be to flat out say you are not intrested in talking and having a relationship with him. He had his chance and blew it.. if he continues take legal action.

I entirely understand the situation you're in. My advice would be never be alone anywhere where he's likely to show up unannounced. He will probably try. Make sure people at your workplace are informed that he's stalking you, and try to have at least one of them prepared to pull out a phone and record if need be. You may not expect violence but there's no harm in prompting everyone around you with that expectation to make them listen.

Mr_Karate_II posted...

For coming to where you work and tracking you down you certainly can.

No, you can't. Restraining orders are for somebody who poses a threat. A shitty father occasionally trying to talk to a son who doesn't want to talk to him is not remotely at the level of legal intervention. Some of you seem to be inventing a dangerous stalker angle when TC is merely afraid of an uncomfortable conversation.

Tenlaar posted...

TC is merely afraid of an uncomfortable conversation.

more than uncomfortable... mentally abusive conversation by a stalker crazy man.

As much as a phone conversation sounds awful, it may be better than an in-person confrontation.

Would there be any possibility that you could talk to him and make it clear that you don't want anything to do with him?

I'm worried he might as well. Stay safe, TC.

Thermador446 posted...

As much as a phone conversation sounds awful, it may be better than an in-person confrontation.

Would there be any possibility that you could talk to him and make it clear that you don't want anything to do with him?

I thought I left it at that, but maybe he didn't get the hint.

kingdrake2 posted...

more than uncomfortable... mentally abusive conversation by a stalker crazy man.

Stalking seems like a strong word when all I have is a worrying hunch, but yeah the rest is accurate

Going to your former place of work after you've blocked his number is stalking. He knows you are being deliberately out of communication given his gloating about getting a reaction from you about your grandmother, so he has gotten the hint, he has just chosen to ignore it.

Do you have a trusted IRL friend that you can tell this to, possibly even arrange for check-ins. Something like, "if I don't call you for two days something's wrong."

This doesn't sound like something a restraining order is possible for, but having someone aware of the situation watching your back would be advisable. Your father is way out of line, and I wouldn't underestimate what might happen.

Tenlaar posted...

No, you can't. Restraining orders are for somebody who poses a threat. A shitty father occasionally trying to talk to a son who doesn't want to talk to him is not remotely at the level of legal intervention. Some of you seem to be inventing a dangerous stalker angle when TC is merely afraid of an uncomfortable conversation.

Are you a fucking moron, or do you just enjoy pretending to be one literally every time you post?

hockeybub89 posted...

and then he responded back something like "Finally! I knew I could say something that would get a response out of you!"

This man is nuts. You said you aren't afraid of any violence, but I'm skeptical of your assessment. Your father is a controlling, manipulative stalker who has no concept of respect or boundaries. You have spent minimal time with him. You cannot really be sure violence isn't in his bag of tricks. Often, abusive people will control their actions as circumstances dictate. If he catches you on the street with no witnesses and minimal surveillance, or if he manages to get you somewhere private, who can say what will happen?

Lots of battered wives have husbands who are pillars of the community.

darkmaian23 posted...

Are you a fucking moron, or do you just enjoy pretending to be one literally every time you post?

This man is nuts. You said you aren't afraid of any violence, but I'm skeptical of your assessment. Your father is a controlling, manipulative stalker who has no concept of respect or boundaries. You have spent minimal time with him. You cannot really be sure violence isn't in his bag of tricks. Often, abusive people will control their actions as circumstances dictate. If he catches you on the street with no witnesses and minimal surveillance, or if he manages to get you somewhere private, who can say what will happen?

Lots of battered wives have husbands who are pillars of the community.

That post has heavy projecting vibes. TC is 34 years old and his dad left them all when he was already an adult and it sounds like his dad just wants to have a relationship with his son. With TC posting in the past having issues with a manipulative and judging mother and having a habit of feeling like everyone is out to get them, theres no telling which party is the issue.

Tenlaar posted...

You can't just put a restraining order on somebody for occasionally trying to talk to you.

You can if you can prove its violent.

MobileProphet posted...

That post has heavy projecting vibes. TC is 34 years old and his dad left them all when he was already an adult and it sounds like his dad just wants to have a relationship with his son. With TC posting in the past having issues with a manipulative and judging mother and having a habit of feeling like everyone is out to get them, theres no telling which party is the issue.

Shut the fuck up. All I said is I'm worried because he's ramping up his attempts to contact and has ambushed me at work before.

He was verbally and physically abusive when I was a kid and he treated me like I was worthless right around the same time he left my mom. My mom has her issues, but he was full of shit about her emotionally abusing him. Unless she was whispering insults in the bedroom, my dad always did whatever the hell he wanted and definitely controlled the household.

I may get annoying and confrontational on CE or whatever, but I have always been passive and a victim IRL. I'm not paranoid or anything. Bad things that happen to me have are historically almost completely beyond my control. And I think I have right to be somewhat concerned when one of the two major political parties in my country has declared war on both my personal life and my livelihood

I would think for a restraining order you would need to have it documented that you have told this person to no longer contact you or show up to places you are. If they continued then it would be restraining order time.

But I'm also not a lawyer.

superbot400 posted...

You can if you can prove its violent.

Thats cool and totally irrelevant because TC said it hasnt been and he doesnt expect it to be.