Current Events > I feel one of my best friends has an addiction and enables me with it

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Virus731
07/16/17 12:54:30 PM
#1:


I've been spending more time with one of my friends and although I've always known what he does, he kind of kept it more in the closet and didn't really let too many people know. Recently when I've been with him he's been willing to do this activity with me and I don't really want to say no. I enjoy it and I like sharing an activity with a friend, I'm just worried that his addiction will spill over to me.

I feel like the only way to keep myself away from said activity is to avoid hanging out with him in situations that we can partake, but he is like one of my favorite people in the world and I don't want that, but I can't say no. Even worse is finding out that quite a few of my friends do it and it just seems so normal for some people. It makes people really edgy, quick to react and sometimes downright rude and it's not the way I want to see or interact with my friends.

I still wouldn't do it by myself, or even pay for the experience, but I'm worried that if I keep hanging out with people that I love, respect and often look up to I'm going to end up like the worst of them, even though I don't think I have a massively addictive personality (whatever that means)

sorry for the rant CE, I'm a bit strung out and have no one in the world to talk to about this. I do need to see someone someday for my mental health
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Dustin1280
07/16/17 12:55:57 PM
#2:


how about you start by clarifying the "activity."
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Virus731
07/16/17 1:13:50 PM
#3:


Dustin1280 posted...
how about you start by clarifying the "activity."


What does it matter? An unhealthy addiction is an unhealthy addiction. Also I don't mean to come off as placing any blame on my friend at all, obviously it's my choice to partake with him,
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Dustin1280
07/16/17 1:15:59 PM
#4:


dead topic
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ImTheMacheteGuy
07/16/17 1:16:12 PM
#5:


this feels like some kind of bait topic
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#6
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_Near_
07/16/17 1:21:06 PM
#7:


Virus731 posted...
Dustin1280 posted...
how about you start by clarifying the "activity."


What does it matter? An unhealthy addiction is an unhealthy addiction. Also I don't mean to come off as placing any blame on my friend at all, obviously it's my choice to partake with him,


Because it depends on how much I should care about it. Smoking cigarettes and doing meth are two different things.
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Weezy_Tha_Don
07/16/17 1:25:42 PM
#8:


Virus731 posted...
Dustin1280 posted...
how about you start by clarifying the "activity."


What does it matter? An unhealthy addiction is an unhealthy addiction. Also I don't mean to come off as placing any blame on my friend at all, obviously it's my choice to partake with him,


topic list
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Virus731
07/16/17 1:37:17 PM
#9:


_Near_ posted...
Virus731 posted...
Dustin1280 posted...
how about you start by clarifying the "activity."


What does it matter? An unhealthy addiction is an unhealthy addiction. Also I don't mean to come off as placing any blame on my friend at all, obviously it's my choice to partake with him,


Because it depends on how much I should care about it. Smoking cigarettes and doing meth are two different things.


Well one of those two things of what you suggested is what we're talking about. I just don't want to specifically say because mods can be antsy, but I'm not trying to discuss the use of it, I'm just trying to express this difficult set of emotions I'm feeling.

ImTheMacheteGuy posted...
this feels like some kind of bait topic



Not at all. This is something I should probably keep in a diary and express to someone at a later date, but I'm at work and yeah have had a weekend where I saw some of my friends in a different, scary light.
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#10
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Virus731
07/16/17 1:45:00 PM
#11:


shockthemonkey posted...
Ok so your buddy smokes weed errrryday and you like to smoke so you hang out with him and wait what's the problem?


Read the above post. Often times I go a months without doing the offending activity, but this month I've seen him have a psychotic episode (from what I assume was not sleeping enough) and heard he's at the point of doing it most evenings. He works and maintains a normal life with lots of friends that love him, including myself. I look up to him in a way so when I see that he's doing ok with his addiction it almost seems like it's ok to do it.

I have another friend who has convinced himself that it's fine to use and that society has created a stigma to say that it ruins EVERYONE'S lives. He thinks some people are built for it and it actually improves them. He thinks that I shouldn't feel any shame for doing it because I should be proud of everything I do.

I dunno man, it's all kinda sick. I think I'm just going to stay home for the next few weekends and focus on being healthy.
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lob_city_3
07/16/17 1:45:59 PM
#12:


Why does everyone think he's talking about weed? He mentioned being "edgy and quick to react"

Not a side effect of weed, probably just tweeking.

I have a few friends that smoke meth on the ref and I didn't know it until a few months ago. Just tell your friend like I told mine, it's fine if you do it but I really don't want to be around when you're doing it, it's not my style. He should understand
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glitteringfairy
07/16/17 1:47:14 PM
#13:


Lol this topic is sad
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Virus731
07/16/17 1:50:02 PM
#14:


lob_city_3 posted...
Why does everyone think he's talking about weed? He mentioned being "edgy and quick to react"

Not a side effect of weed, probably just tweeking.

I have a few friends that smoke meth on the ref and I didn't know it until a few months ago. Just tell your friend like I told mine, it's fine if you do it but I really don't want to be around when you're doing it, it's not my style. He should understand


Yeah I think that might be the best way. I'm completely not comfortable with it and I get a lot of self loathing afterwards. Doesn't help that I've been up for 2-3 days with a fried brain, but my attitude says "it won't kill you and you'll only do it every couple of weekends to pack in more partying". I think I'll just have to ask me to leave me out of it when he wants to do it. I have really bad fear of missing out though when I'm at a friends house and they all go into a room together. Sometimes I'll just be sitting in a room by myself until they come and and it's just so difficult for me to not be with my friends having fun and laughing.
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Sativa_Rose
07/16/17 1:51:15 PM
#15:


The first thing you have to do is stop using yourself because you're gonna get addicted. I am assuming this is either meth or cocaine based off of the OP. Then after that, you have to decide whether or not its worth hanging out with them if they are using. What you can't do though is continue using yourself because hard drugs are hard drugs.
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Sativa_Rose
07/16/17 1:51:56 PM
#16:


Virus731 posted...
Doesn't help that I've been up for 2-3 days with a fried brain


damn son get off the crystal fast. I've seen firsthand what getting addicted to that stuff does to people.
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glitteringfairy
07/16/17 1:52:21 PM
#17:


Sativa_Rose posted...
The first thing you have to do is stop using yourself because you're gonna get addicted. I am assuming this is either meth or cocaine based off of the OP. Then after that, you have to decide whether or not its worth hanging out with them if they are using. What you can't do though is continue using yourself because hard drugs are hard drugs.

It's literally weed
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Sativa_Rose
07/16/17 1:53:20 PM
#18:


glitteringfairy posted...
Sativa_Rose posted...
The first thing you have to do is stop using yourself because you're gonna get addicted. I am assuming this is either meth or cocaine based off of the OP. Then after that, you have to decide whether or not its worth hanging out with them if they are using. What you can't do though is continue using yourself because hard drugs are hard drugs.

It's literally weed


2-3 days with a fried brain on weed?

lol son
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lob_city_3
07/16/17 1:54:09 PM
#19:


Sativa_Rose posted...
glitteringfairy posted...
Sativa_Rose posted...
The first thing you have to do is stop using yourself because you're gonna get addicted. I am assuming this is either meth or cocaine based off of the OP. Then after that, you have to decide whether or not its worth hanging out with them if they are using. What you can't do though is continue using yourself because hard drugs are hard drugs.

It's literally weed


2-3 days with a fried brain on weed?

lol son


Lmao this, I wanna see someone get stoned and stay up for three days
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glitteringfairy
07/16/17 1:54:11 PM
#20:


The Devils lettuce!
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#21
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#22
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Virus731
07/16/17 1:56:14 PM
#23:


Sativa_Rose posted...
The first thing you have to do is stop using yourself because you're gonna get addicted. I am assuming this is either meth or cocaine based off of the OP. Then after that, you have to decide whether or not its worth hanging out with them if they are using. What you can't do though is continue using yourself because hard drugs are hard drugs.


Yeah that's exactly what I'm afraid of. I've never used it by myself, done it at home and can't even use the utensil by myself so I'm really hoping there is still time for me. I don't do it regularly enough to call it a habit at all and I don't feel any call to it when I'm not around, but it is insidious.


Sativa_Rose posted...
damn son get off the crystal fast. I've seen firsthand what getting addicted to that stuff does to people.


Yeah watching my friend flip out over perceived slights was horrible. It was so out of character for him and it really scared me.
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lob_city_3
07/16/17 1:56:43 PM
#24:


Virus731 posted...
lob_city_3 posted...
Why does everyone think he's talking about weed? He mentioned being "edgy and quick to react"

Not a side effect of weed, probably just tweeking.

I have a few friends that smoke meth on the ref and I didn't know it until a few months ago. Just tell your friend like I told mine, it's fine if you do it but I really don't want to be around when you're doing it, it's not my style. He should understand


Yeah I think that might be the best way. I'm completely not comfortable with it and I get a lot of self loathing afterwards. Doesn't help that I've been up for 2-3 days with a fried brain, but my attitude says "it won't kill you and you'll only do it every couple of weekends to pack in more partying". I think I'll just have to ask me to leave me out of it when he wants to do it. I have really bad fear of missing out though when I'm at a friends house and they all go into a room together. Sometimes I'll just be sitting in a room by myself until they come and and it's just so difficult for me to not be with my friends having fun and laughing.


Ya I feel you, me and my friends are hanging out then they need to go tweek out. If he's your friend he shouldn't have a problem with it. O smoke weed but I know what friends are cool with me smoking around them and which ones aren't.
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Virus731
07/16/17 1:59:36 PM
#25:


Sativa_Rose posted...
2-3 days with a fried brain on weed?

lol son


I can't stay awake for longer than 5 hours of my medicinal herb.

shockthemonkey posted...
Shouldn't be smoking meth every day, that'll definitely fuck with your brain chemistry. Don't really know what you can do to help, but it doesn't seem like you're encouraging him if he does it every day and you do it every few months.


Yeah, I don't feel I'm encouraging him and he doesn't encourage me, just facilitates my choice to do it. If he wasn't around I'd probably have no interest in it, but because I trust and respect him so much I feel safe with him. He's going overseas soon so I'm really hoping this will be a good time for him to try and curb the addiction, because yeah... every day makes someone very volatile. I have two friends in this situation and one of them has some incredible anger issues, while the person I'm referring to in this post is a good dude who can handle his shit. I'm just worried for him.
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Virus731
07/16/17 2:05:37 PM
#26:


lob_city_3 posted...
Ya I feel you, me and my friends are hanging out then they need to go tweek out. If he's your friend he shouldn't have a problem with it. O smoke weed but I know what friends are cool with me smoking around them and which ones aren't.


My friend group is pretty much accepting of all substances as long as they aren't known for being addictive or requiring a utensil that isn't a bong or a straw. I don't think he'll have a problem at all but I don't know if I should just keep quiet for the next few weeks or perhaps say to him "your habit has made me uncomfortable to be around you at times so I hope you understand that for my own sake I need to separate myself from you while you do this."

I want him to know that I want to be his friend forever but I am concerned about his well being, even though he still has it some what under control. I dated a girl earlier this year who did it a fair bit and whenever she did it I just left the room or pretended to be asleep. I had to break up with her though because I couldn't stand the idea of being intimate with someone who used because I was worried it would make me comfortable with it.

It's so odd. I never really experienced this until a year or so ago and it's like all of a sudden appearing in my life even though I am not asking for it at all.
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lob_city_3
07/16/17 2:17:14 PM
#27:


Ya man, it all just kind of showed up one day for me too. Just be careful, that shit can turn sideways real fast.

Also him going over seas should help, hopefully he won't be able get it as easily.
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Twin3Turbo
07/16/17 2:21:17 PM
#28:


It's only fitting that I'm watching the breaking bad marathon that's on right now
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lob_city_3
07/16/17 2:26:10 PM
#29:


Twin3Turbo posted...
It's only fitting that I'm watching the breaking bad marathon that's on right now


I was watching bar rescue reruns, thanks for the heads up
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Virus731
07/16/17 2:33:05 PM
#30:


Twin3Turbo posted...
It's only fitting that I'm watching the breaking bad marathon that's on right now


I remember my house mate saying that he didn't enjoy the concept of Breaking Bad because he thought that it wasn't something that should be broadcast on TV as it may normalize use. At first I didn't agree with him, but now I'm starting to see it is a shitty drug.

lob_city_3 posted...
Ya man, it all just kind of showed up one day for me too. Just be careful, that shit can turn sideways real fast.


Yeah, it's absolutely got a fun and games vibe about it at first. Get charged, walk away and then party for hours with other things. Recently though, it's become get charged, walk away, realize you could be more charged, hide away. Rinse and repeat. It's sad when I've seen people, including myself, miss large chunks of parties because they are too busy hiding in a room.

lob_city_3 posted...
Twin3Turbo posted...
It's only fitting that I'm watching the breaking bad marathon that's on right now


I was watching bar rescue reruns, thanks for the heads up


I just Googled it. Sounds like a fun show.
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itachi15243
07/16/17 2:33:09 PM
#31:


Virus731 posted...
Well one of those two things of what you suggested is what we're talking about. I just don't want to specifically say because mods can be antsy, but I'm not trying to discuss the use of it, I'm just trying to express this difficult set of emotions I'm feeling.


If it is meth, you're going to have to be very, very cautious. I say that as someone who used to have an addiction to raw fentanyl, and even I wouldn't dare play with the fire you are tc. It's very addictive, and the addiction happens... You really don't realize it's there. I can't say much more because of mods, just be careful.

If you ever find yourself hanging out with him in hopes of that, or trying to hangout with him because of that, I'd recommend you stop.

It is of my opinion that you should be allowed to do as you please with your own body, but that you should also be warned and prepared
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MrMallard
07/16/17 2:37:24 PM
#32:


Virus731 posted...
sorry for the rant CE, I'm a bit strung out

It's heroin O_O

nah, jk. whatever it is, you need to chill out on it for a while. I'm sure if you're like "nah, I'm not into it today dude" and be as chill and laid back as you can, your friendship will be as good as ever. If you respect whatever thing he's doing to himself, he should hopefully respect that you're not as into it as he is.
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Virus731
07/16/17 2:38:06 PM
#33:


itachi15243 posted...
If it is meth, you're going to have to be very, very cautious. I say that as someone who used to have an addiction to raw fentanyl, and even I wouldn't dare play with the fire you are tc. It's very addictive, and the addiction happens... You really don't realize it's there. I can't say much more because of mods, just be careful.


I understand. I know I'm safe from it if I don't associate with people while they are doing it. Even if I know a friend has it, I won't ask for any unless they whip it out themselves. I'm also capable of turning it down but once I get a few drinks in me I stop caring about it and ask myself "what's the big deal".

itachi15243 posted...
If you ever find yourself hanging out with him in hopes of that, or trying to hangout with him because of that, I'd recommend you stop.


I like doing other things with him, but those things are more in a party, social atmosphere. I've found what he uses is really anti-social. You think that you're fine and it becomes really easy to socialize, but you are absolutely not yourself. You interact with people with a bullshit sense of confidence that can be off-putting and inappropriate and that makes me loathe even more.

itachi15243 posted...
It is of my opinion that you should be allowed to do as you please with your own body, but that you should also be warned and prepared


Yeah, I think that's the point my other friend was making by saying he's not ashamed of his use, but that seems to serve as a deflection for when people are concerned.
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Sativa_Rose
07/16/17 2:38:20 PM
#34:


also I would advise to not let any more meth smokers in your house or in any position where you could become a victim of theft
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Virus731
07/16/17 2:41:56 PM
#35:


MrMallard posted...
If you respect whatever thing he's doing to himself, he should hopefully respect that you're not as into it as he is.


That's really sound advice. I guess I couldn't really stop him doing what he wants to his body if I tried, but I can make myself known and let him know that I don't judge him and even though I feel this way I still want to be his friend.
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Virus731
07/16/17 2:45:31 PM
#36:


Sativa_Rose posted...
also I would advise to not let any more meth smokers in your house or in any position where you could become a victim of theft


One of my house-mate's best friends is a pretty bad addict. I've also become friends with him since I moved in to my house, but his addiction is just beyond. I think he's been a somewhat function addict for some time. I do trust him in our house but only just. He hasn't stolen anything from me but I've noticed he has a loud mouth and is quick to turn/get venomous on people. I like him as a person but I've learned to not confide in him and keep him at an arms length.

The use of (most) amphetamines is completely banned in my house so the people that come over do know the rules. I think it's helped me learn that some drugs are great, some are bad and some can be both.
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Alucard188
07/16/17 2:46:02 PM
#37:


Honestly, try and help your friend by seeing if he's receptive to substance abuse programs. However, it's quite likely that he'll believe himself to be in control of it, and will refuse to listen to you, or may even be violent over it. If that does happen, I would cut off ties with him until he bottoms out and quits the substance. If he's no longer hiding his usage, it's not that he's comfortable around you guys when doing it; he just needs the hits more than he needs the discretion.

Know that partaking in this activity doesn't start and end with merely doing it. I mean, he's got to get it from somewhere, right? You don't control his dealers, you can't control his other friends, and you can't control what he does. What you can do is control what you do. For your sake, you should stop hanging around with him.

Sativa_Rose posted...
also I would advise to not let any more meth smokers in your house or in any position where you could become a victim of theft


Also a good point. Drugs need money, and while your friend may be able to afford it, there are a lot of them that will turn to petty theft and armed robbery to get that fix.

Virus731 posted...
The use of (most) amphetamines is completely banned in my house so the people that come over do know the rules.


Nothing's stopping them from using before coming over, though. You have to worry about that part.
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Virus731
07/16/17 2:55:12 PM
#38:


Alucard188 posted...
Honestly, try and help your friend by seeing if he's receptive to substance abuse programs. However, it's quite likely that he'll believe himself to be in control of it, and will refuse to listen to you, or may even be violent over it. If that does happen, I would cut off ties with him until he bottoms out and quits the substance. If he's no longer hiding his usage, it's not that he's comfortable around you guys when doing it; he just needs the hits more than he needs the discretion.


I don't know how he'd feel about that. He wouldn't get violent and he would listen, but I don't think he thinks he needs to stop yet. He did confide that he's worried that he's "bored" of it, though I think that meant more that he wants to get off it rather than he's searching for a larger hit. He's a really caring, sweet and genuine guy and he loves other people. I've rarely seen him get angry in the years I've known him, but he has a horrible habit of bottling shit up as he doesn't want to burden other people. I also may have over-spoke about the discretion thing. He still doesn't like people knowing and got really upset with the other friend I mentioned that while at a party, the other friend basically wove a pipe around and scaring some poor girl because he didn't care who knew. That really upset me too... just because he's comfortable doesn't mean everyone is.


Alucard188 posted...
Know that partaking in this activity doesn't start and end with merely doing it. I mean, he's got to get it from somewhere, right? You don't control his dealers, you can't control his other friends, and you can't control what he does. What you can do is control what you do. For your sake, you should stop hanging around with him.


I'll just say that he doesn't deal it himself and he doesn't actually have to interact with anyone to get it. I think he often more than not does it by himself as most of his friends aren't very accepting of it. In my cases it does start and end there so it seems even more casual because I've never dealt with scumbags, just my friends. Though that gives me more power to stop it happening again for myself.


Alucard188 posted...
Also a good point. Drugs need money, and while your friend may be able to afford it, there are a lot of them that will turn to petty theft and armed robbery to get that fix.


Yeah, I 100% agree with the point. The friend in question is quite well sorted, works a good job and often times more than not looks after me if I ever need food or a drink or something. I wouldn't want to count the amount of money he's probably spent on me in passing.

Also thanks for being cool with this topic... I am really am just trying to express something in my life and kind of get help and reassurance.

Alucard188 posted...
Nothing's stopping them from using before coming over, though. You have to worry about that part.


Oh absolutely, in fact one or two offenders do this often. Though both of these people are incredibly trusted and have shown to be "decent" users. I feel they respect my house mate, myself and the rules that we have enough that if they were going to do these things, they'd steal from other people.
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Alucard188
07/16/17 3:01:24 PM
#39:


Virus731 posted...
Also thanks for being cool with this topic... I am really am just trying to express something in my life and kind of get help and reassurance.


The only reason this topic still exists is because you're not advocating for the use of drugs. This topic reads like someone who is in a precarious situation regarding drug use and how to balance that with a friendship. For that matter, I wouldn't mention again your dalliances with drugs.
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Virus731
07/16/17 3:03:45 PM
#40:


Alucard188 posted...
Virus731 posted...
Also thanks for being cool with this topic... I am really am just trying to express something in my life and kind of get help and reassurance.


The only reason this topic still exists is because you're not advocating for the use of drugs. This topic reads like someone who is in a precarious situation regarding drug use and how to balance that with a friendship. For that matter, I wouldn't mention again your dalliances with drugs.


Understood. This topic alone has helped me regain my head about it all and I can see things a bit more clearly. He'll be going overseas in the next few weeks anyway so it'll be a good break for him and a good time for me to forget this shitty month of over-indulgence.
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Kid_Buu
07/16/17 3:12:51 PM
#41:


protip: dont smoke meth
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Virus731
07/16/17 3:15:25 PM
#42:


Kid_Buu posted...
protip: dont smoke meth


It's similar to how I feel about cigarettes.... I wish I never tried them. I quit smoking for a while but went back to it because I missed the taste and the activity of it and although I've probably only done meth on 10-15 separate occasions over a 6 year timeline, I still know what it tastes like :/
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Dustin1280
07/16/17 4:55:10 PM
#43:


If this is meth, then you have a serious issue to deal with.

Meth is one of the worst drugs out there.

A. You should not partake in any meth going forward, it's a terrible terrible drug.

B. You should not associate with him while he is using it, tell him you don't want to hang with him while he is high on meth.
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