Poll of the Day > I'm supposed to go to a wedding this weekend and I feel fate is telling me don't

(+) Yeah! (+)

I had to take time off of work to attend but now the person covering for me can't do it, my catsitter is unavailable, I have to take time off later this month to visit my dad before he starts chemo, and I don't really enjoy weddings. It is 10 hours of driving. Plus I don't know anyone, I'm just a +1.

I feel rude as fuck thinking about bailing but this is turning into a logistical nightmare and beyond that I'd seriously prefer to be almost anywhere doing anything other than attending a stranger's wedding.

If I was asked now I'd say no. But I was asked a month or two ago and just not given specifics until things were getting cut close. Now it's all difficult.

Was told it won't be held against me if I can't go, I just do my best to not go back on my word. Argh.
---

Doctor Foxx posted...

Was told it won't be held against me if I can't go,

Well there you go.

Doctor Foxx posted...

I just do my best to not go back on my word.

As well you should. But as you've pointed out, things fell against you to the point that it would be excessively taxing for you to figure out a way to make it happen.

Apologize and say you can't make it. Literally a non-issue. Plus your date gets two meals instead of one win win. My favorite part of a wedding is the no shows. More food.

The last wedding I was invited to that I completely blew off took place on September 10th, 2001.

Had I gone, I basically would have been trapped on the opposite side of the country for about a week or so, give or take.


---

ParanoidObsessive posted...

The last wedding I was invited to that I completely blew off took place on September 10th, 2001.

Had I gone, I basically would have been trapped on the opposite side of the country for about a week or so, give or take.

Or you would have changed the flow of time and who knows what kind of life we'd be living here

Dang it PO
---

I don't believe in fate, but I like to live as if I did.

Yeah, I'd take those as signs as not to go. That, and I would really hate driving 10 hours.
---

I love open bars more than the poor suckers getting hitched love each other, but I'll not be driving 10 hours just to get to one.

Red_Frog posted...

I love open bars more than the poor suckers getting hitched love each other, but I'll not be driving 10 hours just to get to one.

I don't even think there is one and that's probably for the best because I'd just get too drunk and embarrass myself. Because that's how I roll with social anxiety and events when booze comes along
---

Why would you ever want to go to a wedding?
---

VeeVees posted...

Why would you ever want to go to a wedding?

I don't. I was asked to join my boyfriend in attending one for his friends. Then I didn't get the fine details (date, location) confirmed until about 2 weeks ago. So it's on me for not getting other things secured before then, this has just not been my top priority.

So basically the only reason I feel bad is having to say no to him after I said I would. Leaves him alone on the drive and at the hotel. I'm sure he'd still have an enjoyable time at the wedding seeing his friends. I feel nothing to those other randos.

I don't even like going to weddings for people I know, and I know no one there (and I guess they're all pretty close). It's nightmare fuel.
---

So just don't go?
---

I'm sure they'll understand if you can't get away due to your job, just be sure to send a gift heh.
---

VeeVees posted...

Why would you ever want to go to a wedding?

I'd say it depends on how close you are to the couples. Maybe I haven't been invited to that many but I consider it an honor to be invited especially when the couples are limited on how many guests they can invite.

Among the weddings I have attended for family and friends I always look forward to them as I am close to said family member or friend so I enjoy celebrating such joyous occasion with them. To some degrees these weddings are almost like family reunions since certain family members don't attend our annual Thanksgiving or Christmas parties.

On another note though, I have been fortunate that all the weddings I have attended are local so easily within an hour drive away. The furthest wasn't even that far and just involved a one hour boat ride to.

Doctor Foxx posted...

I don't even like going to weddings for people I know

Curious. Is it just a hassle to spend the time traveling, outfitted, possibly using up half or your entire day, giving the gift, etc?
---

InfestedAdam posted...

Curious. Is it just a hassle to spend the time traveling, outfitted, possibly using up half or your entire day, giving the gift, etc?

It's a large social gathering and they make me anxious. The travel, outfits, and time can add difficulty to the event. I don't get paid time off so I lose wages to take the time off. Gift isn't as much of a worry.

With friends and family it's not so bad, it can be nice to see people you know. With people you've never met, oh boy, not so great
---

Doctor Foxx posted...

Red_Frog posted...

I love open bars more than the poor suckers getting hitched love each other, but I'll not be driving 10 hours just to get to one.

I don't even think there is one

Doctor Foxx posted...

I had to take time off of work
I have to take time off later this month to visit my dad before he starts chemo
I don't really enjoy weddings
It is 10 hours of driving.
Plus I don't know anyone, I'm just a +1.

Based on this list, you wouldn't have ever said yes so if breaking plans is that serious to you, even with these conditions, be sure to ask specifics in future.
Fate can go perform autofellatio, don't be so melodramatic. It's just life stuff so toughen up.
Call them to say you can't make it and send a nice gift like a grown ass man.
---

Syntheticon posted...

Based on this list, you wouldn't have ever said yes so if breaking plans is that serious to you, even with these conditions, be sure to ask specifics in future.
Fate can go perform autofellatio, don't be so melodramatic. It's just life stuff so toughen up.
Call them to say you can't make it and send a nice gift like a grown ass man.

I said yes because it's for someone I care about. The time off wouldn't be so bad if I was given details a bit more ahead of time (I was only told the month, not date or location). But I couldn't plan for my dad getting sick or my petsitter to be gone for a while. From time to time you do things you don't particularly enjoy for people you care about. That's life. At this point it's just inconvenient and frustrating and I don't have many options.
---

ParanoidObsessive posted...

The last wedding I was invited to that I completely blew off took place on September 10th, 2001.

I don't believe that. Who the heck gets married on a Monday?

HillChange posted...

ParanoidObsessive posted...

The last wedding I was invited to that I completely blew off took place on September 10th, 2001.

I don't believe that. Who the heck gets married on a Monday?

Well, to be fair, that particular friend was sort of a nut. It wouldn't surprise me if it was a Monday.

But it's entirely possible I'm mis-remembering and it was actually the 9th.

I mostly just remember it because one friend of mine DID go to the wedding, and he WAS stuck there (in Seattle), and because another friend of mine also blew it off, and I was like "See, aren't you glad we didn't go?". I just checked my old e-mail to see if I had one from around then, but apparently not. So I can't say for 100% sure which day it was.

But the point of the story is the same regardless of whether or not I forgot the exact date like the old person that I am.


---

You really don't need to stress about this as much as you appear to be. You said yourself it wasn't going to be held against you if you couldn't make it, so in all seriousness why are you still hung up on this? It's not healthy for you when you've got plenty of other things to legitimately stress about, like a father with cancer. As someone who got hitched recently, believe me when I say the couple is not going to care one jot whether you're there or not. This is going to be one of the most special days in their entire lives even if no one was there to share it. Your boyfriend would probably be happier if you were there, but like you said he's still going to have a good time with his friends regardless. You made a good faith effort to go and it's just not happening, so lighten up on yourself. Just send a gift and a card and explain the circumstances you've told everyone here, and everything should be fine. If someone is seriously going to make a stink about you not coming after that, that person is being selfish and does not have your best interests at heart.
---

Lirishae posted...

You said yourself it wasn't going to be held against you if you couldn't make it, so in all seriousness why are you still hung up on this? It's not healthy for you when you've got plenty of other things to legitimately stress about, like a father with cancer.

It was something I said I'd do, I don't like to go back on my word. Beyond that I'm stressed by having so many things out of my control impacting what is going on that I feel like I should do more to compensate. Life is stress right now.

Lirishae posted...

You made a good faith effort to go and it's just not happening, so lighten up on yourself. Just send a gift and a card and explain the circumstances you've told everyone here, and everything should be fine.

That's where I'm hung up. Should it have been more? And I'm not planning to send a gift. I know absolutely nothing about this couple, not even their names, no registry information. They're not my friends. I will ask if there's a gift he's getting that I can contribute to but I have this feeling he wasn't going to get his friends a gift either.
---

Doctor Foxx posted...

That's where I'm hung up. Should it have been more? And I'm not planning to send a gift. I know absolutely nothing about this couple, not even their names, no registry information. They're not my friends. I will ask if there's a gift he's getting that I can contribute to but I have this feeling he wasn't going to get his friends a gift either.

I don't think you have any obligation to get a gift, especially if their actual friend wasn't planning on it (which is interesting imo).
---

RCtheWSBC posted...

Doctor Foxx posted...

That's where I'm hung up. Should it have been more? And I'm not planning to send a gift. I know absolutely nothing about this couple, not even their names, no registry information. They're not my friends. I will ask if there's a gift he's getting that I can contribute to but I have this feeling he wasn't going to get his friends a gift either.

I don't think you have any obligation to get a gift, especially if their actual friend wasn't planning on it (which is interesting imo).

As I've learned he can be cheap and I just think he is the type to not think about it. He hasn't mentioned anything about a gift or the registry.

I'm still a little embarrassed from seeing he tipped 5% on the weekend when we were out and thank fuck I had cash to correct it. No tipping debates, if you're going to tip don't leave an insulting amount.

But yeah don't think his friends are going to get much from him if they do get anything.
---

Anybody who knows me personally knows not to invite me to weddings. Last time someone asked me what I would like for my wedding, I went on a 30 minute tirade about how weddings are self indulgent wank fests that do nothing but give florists, caterers, and planners jobs that they don't deserve.

As a result, I have been to two weddings my entire life, and hopefully they will be the only two.
---

Doctor Foxx posted...

I'm still a little embarrassed from seeing he tipped 5% on the weekend when we were out and thank fuck I had cash to correct it. No tipping debates, if you're going to tip don't leave an insulting amount.

Oh wow >_> yeah I agree with you there

Don't worry about backing out, though. That's life sometimes. You aren't a worse person for this and it's certainly understandable why you need to do it. Take care of yourself!
---

Seriously Doctor Foxx, you are making this situation a lot more stressful on yourself than it has to be, possibly because you're stressed about everything else =/ That's the point I was trying to get across to you in my first post. Not being able to keep your word sucks, but shit happens, you know? You have more important stuff to worry about than that, like your dad. I'm pretty sure if it was someone else in your shoes, you would be totally understanding and cool with them not showing up, right? And no one is going to care about this in three months, so try to keep things in perspective. Anyone who gives you crap about not being able to make it when you have perfectly good reasons is not really your friend. Whatever you do or don't do, the couple is not going to care like I said. The only thing you're thinking about is your amazing husband/wife and how long you have to put up with the reception before you start on your honeymoon, lol. If your boyfriend can't understand that you tried your best to come and things didn't work out, you honestly shouldn't be dating him.
---

Dikitain posted...

Anybody who knows me personally knows not to invite me to weddings. Last time someone asked me what I would like for my wedding, I went on a 30 minute tirade about how weddings are self indulgent wank fests that do nothing but give florists, caterers, and planners jobs that they don't deserve.

As a result, I have been to two weddings my entire life, and hopefully they will be the only two.

Was one of them your own?

Yeah I don't really like weddings. The industry is ridiculous, people get way worked up over them, and it seems like a large debt to take on for a newly wed couple.

RCtheWSBC posted...

Oh wow >_> yeah I agree with you there

Don't worry about backing out, though. That's life sometimes. You aren't a worse person for this and it's certainly understandable why you need to do it. Take care of yourself!

Thank heck I asked after seeing the receipt looked wrong. That's my regular restaurant and my regular server and I felt so bad. She must have been really disappointed.

I think the work situation is sorted and I may be able to get a different pet sitter. At this point I'd rather just back out. That's where I feel shitty.

Lirishae posted...

Seriously Doctor Foxx, you are making this situation a lot more stressful on yourself than it has to be, possibly because you're stressed about everything else =/ That's the point I was trying to get across to you in my first post. Not being able to keep your word sucks, but shit happens, you know? You have more important stuff to worry about than that, like your dad.

Yeah if it was someone else I'd understand. I'm having a really hard time with things lately and this is just a bit too much on my plate to deal with. It's doubtful I'd even relax and have a good time. I feel like I've been atrocious company lately. Maybe I should take that time off for myself and just enjoy some R&R with the cats.
---

Doctor Foxx posted...

I think the work situation is sorted and I may be able to get a different pet sitter. At this point I'd rather just back out. That's where I feel shitty.

Do you, boo. Like Lirishae said, this is really a drop in the bucket compared to other things going on at the moment. Treat yourself to some self-care me-time.
---

Doctor Foxx posted...

Dikitain posted...

Anybody who knows me personally knows not to invite me to weddings. Last time someone asked me what I would like for my wedding, I went on a 30 minute tirade about how weddings are self indulgent wank fests that do nothing but give florists, caterers, and planners jobs that they don't deserve.

As a result, I have been to two weddings my entire life, and hopefully they will be the only two.

Was one of them your own?

Yeah I don't really like weddings. The industry is ridiculous, people get way worked up over them, and it seems like a large debt to take on for a newly wed couple.

No, I am not married. If I ever do get married I would just prefer going down to city hall, getting our licence, and maybe a small party with family and close friends after. Nothing on the scale of a "Wedding".
---

I went to a wedding recently. Do not recommend. In fact, I've attended a lot of weddings over the years, not one of which I'd describe as being worth the trip. Granted, if even *one* had been local, it wouldn't be so bad.
---

Just send a nice gift, and let them know that with the money you saved by not traveling they got a better gift. (even if that isn't true you can still say that.)