Current Events > Best friend since childhood is to marry in the next year, it really upsets me...

(+) Yeah! (+)

My best friend since childhood is planning on getting married in July the next year, and it really upsets me...

He used to be one of those guys who didn't just do things because "that's what normal people do" so hearing this is troubling to me.

I don't talk to him much anymore but you'd think if it wasn't just "weddings are a thing you do" marriage it'd have heard more than "oh I have a steady girlfriend now" I'd have heard shit about how he was crazy in love or whatever.

I never heard that, I never heard him say shit like "I get what love songs are all about, I'm crazy about her"

And if you aren't crazy about somebody you should not get married to them, so idk what the fuck is going on.
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Grow up.
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I think some people define "growing up" as "doing things not because they are what one wants to do but because it's what you are SUPPOSED to do" and if that's true then "grow up" is the dumbest suggestion you can recommend to anybody.

Having responsibilities is fine, but sacrificing your will to fit in to a cultural expectation is moronic and I hope that's not what is beings suggested here.

If that's not what people are saying then please elaborate @Trumpanzee and @CrimsonRage

Though "Please elaborate @Trumpanzee" is probably not a prudent sentence to ever write.
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Marriage is just a "thing you're supposed to do" though.

aside from the tax benefits the only reason to do it is because it's a tradition that makes people happy. It doesn't matter how mature you are or how much you love the other person
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WizardPowers posted...

Marriage is just a "thing you're supposed to do" though.

aside from the tax benefits the only reason to do it is because it's a tradition that makes people happy. It doesn't matter how mature you are or how much you love the other person

Why the hell would you do something just because you are supposed to? How can you say unironically that it makes sense to you for people to get married without strong profound unquestionable love for each other?
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joe40001 posted...

Why the hell would you do something just because you are supposed to? How can you say unironically that it makes sense to you for people to get married without strong profound unquestionable love for each other?

I personally wouldn't if I had the choice. I hope my future wife is smart enough to see they're pretty big scams and either A) doesn't want one at all or B) wants a very inexpensive one that her parents help pay for. And I would only go along with B because it would make her happy.
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Seeing your clueless whining is always amusing to me. Never change, Joe.
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WizardPowers posted...

joe40001 posted...

Why the hell would you do something just because you are supposed to? How can you say unironically that it makes sense to you for people to get married without strong profound unquestionable love for each other?

I personally wouldn't if I had the choice. I hope my future wife is smart enough to see they're pretty big scams and either A) doesn't want one at all or B) wants a very inexpensive one that her parents help pay for. And I would only go along with B because it would make her happy.

In the future I'd recommend to not propagate cynicism you don't endorse. When you say "But it is 'just a thing you do'" it seem very much like you are saying "But it is just a thing you do... and that's how it should be".

I try to be careful in topics about police shootings and stuff because the more we say things as satirical fact in a "can you believe this bullshit" kinda way, the more the narrative becomes that those cynical outlooks are actually and acceptable reality.
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CrimsonRage posted...

joe40001 posted...

I think some people define "growing up" as "doing things not because they are what one wants to do but because it's what you are SUPPOSED to do" and if that's true then "grow up" is the dumbest suggestion you can recommend to anybody.

Having responsibilities is fine, but sacrificing your will to fit in to a cultural expectation is moronic and I hope that's not what is beings suggested here.

If that's not what people are saying then please elaborate @Trumpanzee and @CrimsonRage

Though "Please elaborate @Trumpanzee" is probably not a prudent sentence to ever write.

Writing it off as "he's just doing it because society tells him too" is immature. Perhaps he really loves the woman and wants to marry her. People's views change as they get older.

What views?

My point is that people should only marry when they are deeply in love with the other person and while we don't talk much that doesn't seem like that's what's going on here.
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joe40001 posted...

In the future I'd recommend to not propagate cynicism you don't endorse. When you say "But it is 'just a thing you do'" it seem very much like you are saying "But it is just a thing you do... and that's how it should be".

That's how it comes across to you. You can only speak for yourself. And he in no one needs to change his speak to better fit your ear.


joe40001 posted...

My point is that people should only marry when they are deeply in love with the other person and while we don't talk much that doesn't seem like that's what's going on here.

Since you don't talk to him often, often have trouble grasping what people are saying and what they mean, and all you really know is that he's getting married, wouldn't it be more prudent to talk to him and find out how he feels rather than complain about how others should live their lives?
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"Honey, youre "friend" is crying about us on a video game sites socoal board"

"Who?"
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You sound like a terrible friend hopefully you arent invited to the wedding.
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have you ever thought that maybe getting married is actually what he wants?

get over it. you sound a clingy little B with this post.

Bandit_Keith posted...

joe40001 posted...

In the future I'd recommend to not propagate cynicism you don't endorse. When you say "But it is 'just a thing you do'" it seem very much like you are saying "But it is just a thing you do... and that's how it should be".

That's how it comes across to you. You can only speak for yourself. And he in no one needs to change his speak to better fit your ear.

In so far as he might care how it sounds to everybody and in so far as I am a subset of everybody I offered my feedback, it was not a mandate of behavior and I do not believe he took it as such.
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Some of you seem to infer that by sincerely expressing my feelings on this I am being unfairly demanding on him. I haven't said or required anything of him, I'm just expressing my feelings and my concern that he is getting married out of social convention, which is something I'd presume none of us would wish upon good friends.
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Maybe she wanted to get married and he wants to make the woman he loves happy?

Or is making the woman he loves happy just an act of "social convention?"
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CrimsonRage posted...

joe40001 posted...

Some of you seem to infer that by sincerely expressing my feelings on this I am being unfairly demanding on him. I haven't said or required anything of him, I'm just expressing my feelings and my concern that he is getting married out of social convention, which is something I'd presume none of us would wish upon good friends.

He's getting married. Why read so much into it? As his childhood friend, you should be happy for him.

Just because something makes him happy doesn't mean I should necessarily be happy for him.
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joe40001 posted...

CrimsonRage posted...

joe40001 posted...

Some of you seem to infer that by sincerely expressing my feelings on this I am being unfairly demanding on him. I haven't said or required anything of him, I'm just expressing my feelings and my concern that he is getting married out of social convention, which is something I'd presume none of us would wish upon good friends.

He's getting married. Why read so much into it? As his childhood friend, you should be happy for him.

Just because something makes him happy doesn't mean I should necessarily be happy for him.

you're a shitty friend.
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EmeralDragon23 posted...

Maybe she wanted to get married and he wants to make the woman he loves happy?

Or is making the woman he loves happy just an act of "social convention?"

It can depend. But if he is truly deeply in love with her than I don't have much of an issue.
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JustMyOpinion posted...

I'm just expressing my feelings too and I feel you're an immature kid. It cuts both ways.

Oh that's fine then.
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If i didn't have shit ton of mental and health issues, i would only get married if we had a kid, other wise. I just don't like the idea of being legally tied to someone, and put lots of money on one day celebration and invite lots of people i don't want to even see.

My ideal relationship would be us living in our own homes and we would forever be in the dating phase. Still being more than friends and would stay few days in either of us homes now and then. No marriage, no kids, no moving together. I don't think anyone would be willing to be in that kind of relationship, but its the only kind i would be willing to.

Just a my thoughts. Not that this has anything to do with tc, lol
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CrimsonRage posted...

joe40001 posted...

CrimsonRage posted...

joe40001 posted...

Some of you seem to infer that by sincerely expressing my feelings on this I am being unfairly demanding on him. I haven't said or required anything of him, I'm just expressing my feelings and my concern that he is getting married out of social convention, which is something I'd presume none of us would wish upon good friends.

He's getting married. Why read so much into it? As his childhood friend, you should be happy for him.

Just because something makes him happy doesn't mean I should necessarily be happy for him.

As long as the relationship isn't unhealthy and his fiancee isn't a terrible person, there is no reason to not be happy for him unless you don't like him. Are you his friend or not?

Ah, you are smart enough to be more measured than @Drpooplol and @JustMyOpinion. That's the key, it's not simply enough that he's happy, he could be happy doing heroin or in a cult and I wouldn't be happy for him then. I also want it to be healthy/safe/good and I think a loveless marriage can be very dangerous to a person, probably as bad as certain drug habits. That's why I'm concerned.
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Imagine thinking people's response to your topic signifies how smart we are. I'm aware people can be happy for poor reasons, but I've seen you post on this website a lot. Judging the situation from how much I know you, I just think you're being a shitty friend just like how people usually think you're a shitty person in general.
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you sound really fucked up in the head TC. like that type of non dangerous fucked up, just really depressed

dont worry, im the same way

joe40001 posted...

My best friend since childhood is planning on getting married in July the next year, and it really upsets me...

He used to be one of those guys who didn't just do things because "that's what normal people do" so hearing this is troubling to me.

I don't talk to him much anymore but you'd think if it wasn't just "weddings are a thing you do" marriage it'd have heard more than "oh I have a steady girlfriend now" I'd have heard shit about how he was crazy in love or whatever.

I never heard that, I never heard him say shit like "I get what love songs are all about, I'm crazy about her"

And if you aren't crazy about somebody you should not get married to them, so idk what the fuck is going on.

You said yourself you don't talk to him much anymore. As
How do you know he doesn't talk about that stuff with someone else?

And even if he doesn't, not everyone talks about those feelings out loud like that
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Maybe your friend really is crazy in love.

I dislike the concept of marriage. Tax benefits aside, it's nothing more than an archaic tradition the world doesn't need. I'm sure we could find other ways to obtain the same type of tax benefits.
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CrimsonRage posted...

So you're mad he grew up?

Trumpanzee posted...

Grow up.

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emblem boy posted...

joe40001 posted...

My best friend since childhood is planning on getting married in July the next year, and it really upsets me...

He used to be one of those guys who didn't just do things because "that's what normal people do" so hearing this is troubling to me.

I don't talk to him much anymore but you'd think if it wasn't just "weddings are a thing you do" marriage it'd have heard more than "oh I have a steady girlfriend now" I'd have heard shit about how he was crazy in love or whatever.

I never heard that, I never heard him say shit like "I get what love songs are all about, I'm crazy about her"

And if you aren't crazy about somebody you should not get married to them, so idk what the fuck is going on.

You said yourself you don't talk to him much anymore. As
How do you know he doesn't talk about that stuff with someone else?

And even if he doesn't, not everyone talks about those feelings out loud like that

Monday posted...

Maybe your friend really is crazy in love.

To be clear. I'm not saying he isn't deeply in love and if that's the case I'm happy for him, I'm saying that I'm worried he's not and in that case I'm upset by the whole thing.
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Personally, I'd never get married unless the tax breaks were that good.

But your reasoning for being so upset and troubled by this makes no sense. You leaped to a very moronic conclusion and you're fretting about it instead of talking to your friend. I don't think you know how actual friends are around each other and how they speak to each other. The truth is he very may well have moved on, grown up, fallen in love and you're simply not close enough with him anymore to know how he feels about this person. Not everybody who is deeply in love shows it the way your opening post describes it.

If you had spoken to him about this and he lead you to believe he wasn't madly in love and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, then you'd be getting at least a few response that lined up with how you feel. But for the most part people see your behavior as childish and selfish. Because you've baselessly jumped to a conclusion and it makes no sense.

To be clear, we are telling you that a reaction of thinking that he might not be getting married for the right reasons(or your reasons, which is another discussion all together) is quite asinine, unless you are leaving out a whole hell of a lot of the story. Which then begs the question of why you'd make the topic to begin with while leaving out pertinent details.

Why did you make the topic, by the way? Because it's not like you often take CEs advice when you make topics.
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Bandit_Keith posted...

Why did you make the topic, by the way? Because it's not like you often take CEs advice when you make topics.

To share how something made me feel.

Isn't that what CE is for? Talking about stuff and how we feel about it?
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No.
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I think this was a movie
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