Current Events > CYOA: You're a socially awkward superhero with no villains to fight.

(+) Yeah! (+)

Fossil posted...

HotLap posted...

LordFarquad1312 posted...

C.

Is there a place where your previous CYOAs are archived?

https://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/586631-aerial-assault

hahaha, muffin mai boy

edit: I lost it at summer camp

C

Fossil! How've you been my muscley beef boy? Thank god you're not a mod anymore because I'm not sure Buttplay Mime would survive.
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I too like option C
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HotLap posted...

Fossil! How've you been my muscley beef boy? Thank god you're not a mod anymore because I'm not sure Buttplay Mime would survive.

Good man, still beatin along.

Haha, you mean because that cyoa of Burgess and I didn't last too long? Good times.
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So I'm Ozymandias?
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C.

Fucking, you're finally back. And what a story to come back with.

This makes me want to start writing a new CYOA, but I told myself I wouldn't until I finished my novel, which I'm so close to finishing but I've had writers block for almost two years now, plus working on SiivaGunner in addition to college is so time consuming. I'll probably cave and write something new soon, though.

Either way, I'm so happy you're back and I'm ready to see where this story goes.
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C
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Chaze_the_chat posted...

C.

Fucking, you're finally back. And what a story to come back with.

This makes me want to start writing a new CYOA, but I told myself I wouldn't until I finished my novel, which I'm so close to finishing but I've had writers block for almost two years now, plus working on SiivaGunner in addition to college is so time consuming. I'll probably cave and write something new soon, though.

Either way, I'm so happy you're back and I'm ready to see where this story goes.

Wait, you're THE SilvaGunner? Holy shit!
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LordFarquad1312 posted...

Chaze_the_chat posted...

C.

Fucking, you're finally back. And what a story to come back with.

This makes me want to start writing a new CYOA, but I told myself I wouldn't until I finished my novel, which I'm so close to finishing but I've had writers block for almost two years now, plus working on SiivaGunner in addition to college is so time consuming. I'll probably cave and write something new soon, though.

Either way, I'm so happy you're back and I'm ready to see where this story goes.

Wait, you're THE SilvaGunner? Holy shit!

I'm in charge of the channel that does the funny flintstones edits
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Bump
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If I can't update Saturday, it'll probably be another Monday update. Thanks for keeping this bumped guys.
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Chaze_the_chat posted...

Bump

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teepan95 posted...

Chaze_the_chat posted...

Bump

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Chaze_the_chat posted...

teepan95 posted...

Chaze_the_chat posted...

Bump

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bamp
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C
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bump
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This is why it is hard to get into cyoa that are not finished.
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fire_bolt posted...

bump

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Chaze_the_chat posted...

fire_bolt posted...

bump

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fire_bolt posted...

Chaze_the_chat posted...

fire_bolt posted...

bump

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Chaze_the_chat posted...

fire_bolt posted...

Chaze_the_chat posted...

fire_bolt posted...

bump

Haven't forgotten about this. Been working lots of overtime lately but things should cool off soon. Thanks for keeping it bumped.
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HotLap posted...

Haven't forgotten about this. Been working lots of overtime lately but things should cool off soon. Thanks for keeping it bumped.

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fire_bolt posted...

HotLap posted...

Haven't forgotten about this. Been working lots of overtime lately but things should cool off soon. Thanks for keeping it bumped.

THlS SHALL LIVE
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tag for future reading
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again
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fire_bolt posted...

THlS SHALL LIVE

Never say die
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I'll finally have time to update this tomorrow! Sorry it took so long and thanks for sticking with it.
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HotLap posted...

I'll finally have time to update this tomorrow! Sorry it took so long and thanks for sticking with it.

Can't rush in quality.
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I'm about nine beers deep, but a promise is a promise. Writing the update now.
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C) Try to talk to the gunmen and try to learn more about them.

You sit quietly with the group of hostages as you continue to watch the situation in front of you unfold. A few hostages are crying silently to themselves, but all of them are too terrified to move or speak. Seeing how scared they are puts you on edge even more than you already were. They all truly believe they could die today. What's worse is you know you can't die today and you have the skills at your disposal to save them, but you also truly believe they could all die today.

The weepy hostages are stressing you out, you decide to turn your attention back to the gunmen. Bryant slams his phone shut and cusses into the air again. The unnamed gunman gives Bryant an "I told you so" type of look. Jerry unwraps another lollipop and goes to work on it while giving you a dirty look from across the room.

"One more time," Bryant mutters as he dials his mystery number once more.
"Dude, come on," the second gunman scolds him. "He's not there."
"Well, fuck! What else am I supposed to do Marco?" Bryant shouts.
"Fine, keep calling him," Marco gives up. "It's a waste of time, though. Tell him, Jerry."
"Do what you feel, man," Jerry says. "I got a basket of lollies, a loaded gun, and a dozen hostages. I got all the time in the world."
As Bryant's call goes to voicemail for what must be the umpteenth time, he rears back and spikes the phone into the ground, splintering it into a hundred pieces.
Jerry lets out a single snort despite his efforts to control it.
Marco looks at Jerry and announces, "Awkwaaaaard."
Bryant's face goes scarlet as he veers around and demands, "How the fuck are the two of you so calm about this?" He points to the windows and shouts, "We're surrounded! That police perimeter is getting bigger by the minute. Geno drove off, there's absolutely no way out of here. And Marco, you're sitting there cracking jokes while Jerry's trying to eat with weight in hard candy."
"Hey!" Jerry interjects. "I'm not just eating hard candy."
"Oh no?" Marco inquires.
"Yeah, I ate one of the lollipop sticks too. I think it was like super tightly rolled paper or something," Jerry explains. "It was gross, and I knew it was gross about halfway through, but I'm a finisher so now I have an entire lollipop stick to digest."
"Oh, you're a finisher, Jerry? So how are you going to finish this?" Bryant demands.
Jerry's mouth makes a smacking noise as he pulls his latest lolly out of his mouth. "This is finished, dude."
Marco chimes in, "Bryant, you remember when you were younger and you would walk into an exam, flip over the test, and just laugh to yourself at how hopelessly fucked you were as you read through the questions?"
"Yeah," Bryant sighs.
"This robbery became a high school trigonometry test the second Geno drove away," Marco explains. "It's over."

"Yeah, it's over," you think to yourself. "But how does it end?"
Bryant drops to his knees and screams a long, drawn out curse word into his hands. Bryant's finally realized what Jerry and Marco did awhile ago - his life as a free man is over. You're witnessing a broken man.
"Can I get a sucker?" Marco asks Jerry.
Jerry tosses him a purple one. "Here's a grape."
Marco tosses it back. "Fuck that, I want a root beer flavored one."
"Psssh, like I didn't immediately eat all the root beer ones first. That's the best flavor, bro."
A flint of heartbreak flashes across Marco's eyes. You're witnessing a broken man. Not as broken as Bryant, but still slightly broken.
---

You shuffle up off the ground. Several hostages gasp and a few quietly murmur for you to get back down. You hop over to the gunmen with the confidence of a sixteen year old boy who doesn't know what cosine is. Bryant sees you coming and picks his gun up off the floor and aims it at you without rising from his knees. "BACK on the FLOOR, Shit Man!"
As the gun is pointed at you, you instinctually make an effort to put your hands up, but since your hands are taped behind you, you instead accidentally lurch forward and face plant on the ground.
Marco immediately breaks from his root beer flavored anguish and bursts into laughter. Jerry chuckles softly as he shakes his head and mutters to himself, "Tehehe, fuckin' Shit Man, dude."
You hold back your tears and shame as best you can as you bring yourself into a kneeling position. You turn your back on Jerry and Marco to face Bryant and tell him,"Nothing irreversible has happened yet. You haven't killed anybody, and you're still alive. This all gets a lot worse if you do something you can't take back."
"I can't take back taking a bank hostage, Shit Man," Bryant says exasperated as he lets the gun fall back to his side. "My life is done."
"They don't give you a life sentence for a bank robbery," you tell him without any real knowledge if that's true. "You fucked up, but this isn't the end."
"Great speech, I feel so reformed," Marco rolls his eyes.
You ignore Marco and focus on Bryant with more blind assumptions, "I can tell you've never killed anyone before and you don't want to start now. If you do, your life goes from temporarily fucked to permanently fucked."
"Temporary, permanent- doesn't matter," Marco chides. "Fucked is fucked. Can't unfuck someone to make them a virgin again."
"Please," you beg Bryant. "Just listen to me."
"Nah, I'm with Marco on this one," Bryant says to your dismay. He motions to the hostages and continues, "Once I'm in a squad car, they're all going to do everything they can to make sure I never see the light of day again."
"They're all scared and confused," you tell him. "Maybe if we knew why this was going on, we'd understand each other better. Let's John Q this bitch."
"What?" Bryant asks, confused.
"John Q, that movie with Denzel where he takes the hospital hostage," you explain.
"I've seen that," Marco says. "Good movie. Denzel like bonds with the hostages and they all say what a good man he is in broken English when he releases them."
Jerry looks at his phone and pipes up, "Shitty movie, only has a 23% on Rotten Tomatoes."
"Oh don't be a tomatoslave, Jerry," you tell him.
"Yeah, screw you Jerry," Marco adds. "John Q was good, you root beer hogging son of a bitch."
"I'll see you in hell, Marco," Jerry responds. "Probably in about five minutes when I kill myself or am gunned down by police."
"No!" you interject. "Nobody wants that, can we just try the John Q thing, please?"
"Why should we?" Bryant demands.
"Because this is probably the last piece of human interaction you're going to have for a while that doesn't happen from inside of a prison. Or..." you turn to Jerry, "this is the last piece of human interaction you'll have before you kill yourself or are gunned down by police."
Bryant thinks for a moment before sighing deeply. "Fine."
---

"Okay," you begin. "I think what made the hostages so compassionate towards Denzel Washington is that they knew why he was doing what he was doing."
"I call dibs on having a black child that needs a heart transplant!" Marco exclaims.
"You can't use the actual plot from John Q, it doesn't apply to you," you tell him. "Besides, we're not even in a hospital."
"Fine," Marco retorts. "I call dibs having a black child who needs three bags full of money."
"I'm gonna... I'm gonna come back to you," you tell Marco before turning to Bryant. "Why are you here?"
"I got text about a job. Said that there was some building that was nearly destroyed across town, all the cops were preoccupied, and this should be an in-and-out kind of gig. Clearly he was wrong though."
You have to make a considerable effort to not bury your face in your hands. Your little diversion downtown is the reason the bank's being robbed. You soldier on and say, "No, not about that. Why are you robbing banks in the first place?"
Bryant thinks for awhile. "I uh... I made a joke once."
"What do you mean?" you ask.
"I grew up in an area where not many kids are destined for success," Bryant begins. "And the school administration knows that, the teachers know it, but I don't think the kids know it. When I was in first grade, the teacher was explaining something to the class, and I made a joke. I don't even remember what the joke was anymore, but the entire class laughed. I'd never felt that before. It was just me and my mom growing up, but she had to work a couple jobs just to keep us going, so she was always too tired to laugh. Making all these kids laugh at once made me feel like... I don't know... like I was on top of the world, I guess."
You see that all of the hostages have their attention turned to Bryant.
"Anyways, I wanted to keep that feeling going. So I made more jokes in class, got more laughs, and continued to feel great. Sure, I got in trouble for it now and again, but when a note was sent home for my mother she never really came down on me about it." Bryant takes a deep breath. "But what I didn't know was that I already had a reputation in the teacher's circle as one of the kids who wasn't going to make it. They assumed I didn't want to learn, and given the area I lived in, the teachers decided to focus on the ones that did. My mom was too tired to discipline me, too tired to tell me to shut up and listen for a change, so I became sort of a class clown. I remember when I was in middle school, I tried to stay late to understand a math problem, but the teacher just told me that if I wanted to learn maybe I shouldn't have been fooling around in class. And that he would only help me if I brought along the other two dozen kids I had distracted from learning that day."
"What a dick," you say.
"I know, right?" Bryant agrees. "Anyways, since convincing twenty five other kids to stay after school with me wasn't going to happen, I continued on the path I was on. After awhile, people had the thought that if I acted out in class, maybe I'd act out in other ways too. I was drinking and smoking pot by age twelve, had a couple scrapes with the cops... I dropped out when I was sixteen. I tried to get a job, but at this point I had a bit of a reputation around town as a smartass and a burnout, so no one would hire me. A year after I dropped out I just asked my mom why she let me do it. Why did she let me drop out? Why did she never discipline me or tell me to shape the fuck up when I came home drunk or high before I was old enough to drive? And she told me, 'It wouldn't have done any good, you've always been like this.' And that's when I realized. Not only did the teachers give up on me, but my own mother did on the very day that first note was sent home."
You nod solemnly. This is John Q as fuck.
---

"She passed awhile back," Bryant begins the end of his tale. "Basically worked herself to death working menial jobs, because she was one of the ones the teachers gave up on too. I do odd jobs here and there to try to make it, but I don't really know how to do anything. I don't have an education. So when the odds jobs dry up, I need to do stuff like this to make ends meet. All because I liked making kids laugh when I was six...A couple years after she died and I spent a few weeks on the street, it started becoming harder to see the humor in things. I guess I don't really makes jokes much anymore. I just... I don't know. I miss the way things used to be."

A hush falls over the room as Bryant finishes his story. He's undoubtedly responsible for his own actions, but damn if every authority figure in his life didn't fail him. Jerry breaks the tension by saying, "I liked the ending where you said how all the joy in your life was gone."
"What did you just say to me?" Bryant growls.
Jerry raises his hands as he talks with a lollipop in his mouth, "No, I didn't mean it like that, it's just... I'm listening to you talk about being class clown and all that and I'm thinking to myself... well you're not very funny."
You facepalm as Bryant stares daggers at Jerry.
"I mean no offense or anything, I was just thinking toward the end of the story that I've never heard this motherfucker tell a joke in my life, but then you said the joylessness part and it got... I mean I guess I got closure on the issue."
Bryant stands up angrily and shouts, "Well let's hear your uh... John ...Q... god damn story or whatever."

"Alright," Jerry agrees. "I'm Jerry. I'm five feet, eight inches tall, which I've been told is short for a man. I'm also a recovering nervous pisser."
Marco starts laughing again while leaning against the counter.
"Shut up, Marco," Jerry grunts. "It's an affliction that affects thousands of people."
"You said you were a recovering nervous pisser?" you ask.
"Right, yeah. I haven't been unable to pee in front of strangers in about eighteen months now," Jerry states proudly. "I remember every time I was unable to go next to a stranger it was just the most uncomfortable, awkward silence I've ever experienced. I'd unzip, he'd unzip, we'd both hear his stream begin to hit the urinal, and we'd both never hear my stream begin. Then he would stop, and I could already sense that he was uncomfortable, but was also giving me the benefit of the doubt. Like maybe I've also been going the entire time but his stream was just super loud for some reason. But nope, my urinal's bone dry, amigo. At this point, sheer panic has set in and I'm trying to force out something - anything to break the tension. I'm beet red in the face, but nothing's coming. As he's shaking off, the guy next to me just sees me as some weirdo with his dick in his hand who doesn't know how to breathe. He walks away, and in my anxiety attack my brain decides it's a good idea to follow the guy to the sinks, like that will save me. Now I have to wash my hands next to him like I also just pissed with a dumb look on my face that says, 'Ha-ha-ha, I feel so much better, isn't it crazy that we both just pissed ha-ha-ha'. Every single time."
---

You look over at Marco who seems to be in physical pain and his face is as red as a pissless Jerry, but he's at the very least trying to be respectful by not laughing out loud.
"One day at college I'm getting ready to take a whiz when somebody pulls up at the urinal next to me and I think 'Oh here we go again'. But I look over and it's just a friend of mine, Todd. What a relief! It's not a stranger, I can go in peace. I wanted to cry tears of happiness, but not out of my eyes. However, the tears don't come. I still can't go. The whole process just repeats itself like I never met this guy before. After Todd leaves the bathroom I punched a paper towel dispenser in frustration. I was so angry, but I didn't know who to be angry at. I couldn't help what was happening to me. I saw Todd later that week. He was distant. Our friendship never recovered. I miss the way things used to be... before I couldn't pee in front of Todd."
Bryant, while slightly annoyed that Jerry stole his line, seems surprisingly sympathetic to Jerry's story.
"Anyways, I soon figured out a common thread between the people I can't urinate in front of," Jerry says. "Everyone my bladder failed near, I thought was cooler than I was. I don't know why this makes me freeze up, but it does. If I ever peed in front of you before eighteen months ago, you may not realize it but it was possibly the biggest insult you've received in your lifetime. I listened to some self help tapes, got a little more confident, and can pee in front of more people than I could before. I just need to avoid my triggers. Like, an alcoholic should never go to a bar. And for me, if I ever see a guy in a leather jacket at a urinal, I should go pee in a stall. Still, there are so many things in my life that are outside of my control - like my height, my bladder issue, and the turmoil in the Middle East - that I need something to feel like I'm in control. This is it. Everyone in this room is under our control. Waving a loaded gun around seems to make everyone forget that my flesh gun ain't loaded."

"Thanks... thanks for sharing Jerry," you say. Bryant's reasoning that he's here because an underfunded education system and an overworked mother failed him seems a little more valid than Jerry's "I don't pee good" story, but you decide not to tell him that. Instead you decide to move onto Marco. "And you?"
"I am addicted to heroin," Marco says. "I am currently out of heroin and do not have money to buy more heroin. I do not have a job to buy heroin because I was fired for missing too many shifts."
"Why did you miss your shifts?" the bravest hostage in the world asks from the edge of the room.
"Funny story," Marco replies. "I was actually high on heroin. So yeah, that's my John Q story... heroin."
"...Maybe we should have started with you, Marco," you say.
"Yeah," he agrees. "But hey, at least the three of us can see what prison heroin is like thanks to Jimmy's bad intel."
"I'm never going to be able to pee in front of a mysterious cellmate," Jerry confesses. "Thanks a lot, Jimmy."
"This Jimmy have red hair by any chance? Lives uptown with his wife and smokes in secret?" you ask.
Bryant perks up a bit. "Yeah, what do you know him or something?"
---

You made the connections in your head fairly easily. You destroyed an office building, sending almost every cop in the city to Sloan Harbor. You land on Jimmy's roof and admit what happened to him. He realizes the bank will be unguarded and texts Bryant's crew to rob it. God dammit, nobody has fucking flip phones anymore. The burner that Bryant destroyed looked identical to Jimmy's. And the worst part is, Jimmy tried to keep you in his apartment, away from the robbery by talking to you about what a hero you are and piling eggs onto your plate. Yeah, that's it. Boost Fatty's confidence by telling him he's amazing and giving him food. Fuck Jimmy.

You feel yourself getting Dry Jerry red in the face as you answer, "Yeah I know him. I was there when he texted you about this job. He only knew about Sloan Harbor because I told him about it. And I only knew about it because I was the one who accidentally did it."
Jerry stands up out of his chair, letting his basket of lollipops fall out of his lap and spill out onto the floor. "Is Shit Man that superhero guy Jimmy was talking about?"
You punch the island in the middle of the lobby, splintering the wood and sending it across the room. "Call me Shit Man one more time."
Bryant, Jerry, and Marco all take out your guns and point them at you. However, Bryant is the first to realize it won't have any effect on you. He comes up with a plan as he slowly turns his aim towards the hostages. "Okay then, Hero Guy. Since you're all powerful and shit, you're going to get us out of here. And if you don't agree in the next ten seconds, we start shooting hostages."
Upon hearing the shift in strategy, Jerry and Marco also turn their aim towards the now terrified hostages.

What do you do?

A) Try to talk them out of their new plan. John Q was going well.
B) Agree the help them escape to protect the hostages.
C) Call their bluff. These men aren't murderers.
D) Attempt to kill all three of them before they can fire a shot.
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B)

worth it
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B
You need to have some words with Jimmy anyway.
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Yeah, I'm fine with B
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A and B.

Looks like we got ourselves a nemesis.
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Bump.
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b
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HotLap posted...

Bump.

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I'll be in Baltimore until Sunday, no update til at least then.
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Bump so I can catch up
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Holy shit this almost died
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teepan95 posted...

HotLap posted...

Bump.

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b
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