Current Events > Gf has been pressuring me to propose

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Dustin1280 posted...

Romulox28 posted...

lww99 posted...

I'm not trying to talk her out of it. Just trying to convey one of my bigger hesitations about it.

saying the cost of the (optional) reception is too high isnt really a good reason to not get married imo. it's like saying you don't want to graduate from college because you don't want to have a grad party lol.

Disagree, I WISH the reception was optional, but a lot of women want that as part of the whole marriage thing.

If she is willing to forgo the reception and sign some papers, then you ARE afraid of commitment.

On the other hand, if she is expecting a wedding bash with a reception it's not just a commitment issue.

Weddings are far more complicated then some people make them out to be.

idk you can always do something simple for a reception. and dont forget that guests will bring you cash gifts and this could end up covering the entire cost of the wedding.
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Romulox28 posted...

idk you can always do something simple for a reception. and dont forget that guests will bring you cash gifts and this could end up covering the entire cost of the wedding.

I thought my reception was pretty simple and it's costing us $5,000.

Food for guests is pretty much a requirement, and that is the most expensive part. Unless your families are willing to prepare food for a certain amount of estimates guests (this is a TON of work), this will not be cheap. This ties directly into a venue if you do not have a house big enough to support an open house style reception.

Do you need a wedding cake? That's going to be like $200 minimum unless you plan to go with a standard cake or multiple cakes (losing the classic wedding cake feel).

You are correct about cash and gifts, but assuming that is going to pay for everything is shortsighted. You should be able to do the wedding w/o requiring funds FROM said wedding.

How about pictures, is there a mutual acquaintance of yours that you trust to do proper pictures/videos? OR are you going to need to hire a "professional" to make sure it's done right (roughly $800-1,000 btw)?

In my opinion the hardest part about a wedding and possible reception, is lowering the expectations that you significant other has of said event. It's never going to be like they have "dreamed" and they really need to be 100% okay with that.
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This is a really difficult situation. Not really sure what to do/think at this point.
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lww99 posted...

This is a really difficult situation. Not really sure what to do/think at this point.

Question 1:
Assuming you had unlimited money (so finances were not a concern), would YOU be ok marrying the person you are living with?
IF you cannot say yes to this while being 100% honest with yourself, then you are already fairly screwed and truly don't want that commitment.

Question 2:
Assuming you said yes to the prior question, is your significant other willing to lower her expectations in order to get that commitment?
If your S/O cannot say yes to this question then you are screwed yet again.

Question 3:
If both questions were answered yes 100% honestly, then you both WILL make it work through discussion.

Alternatively, if you don't think it will piss her off, just show her this topic and get her opinions on things that have been brought up.
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lww99 posted...

This is a really difficult situation. Not really sure what to do/think at this point.

what are the reasons you wouldnt want to get married, besides money? i.e. does the thought of being stuck with one person for the rest of your life scare you etc
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So usually this engagement comes naturally and when youre ready.

Whats difficult
What you unsure of

State it. Out of everything posted so far whats difficult and what makes you unsure

Like any problem, identifying it helps solve it. Helps organize the ways to solve it. Goes back to re-verify it solves it. Then finally, solves it. Basically, puts it all together for you. So, whats holding you back my friend
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Honestly it sounds like you're not ready for it.

She definitely doesn't either if she's just expecting someone else to do everything for her. But it's not a competition so don't even go into it.
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