Current Events > Friend probably in an abusive relationship and refuses to see it

(+) Yeah! (+)

For months he's been treating everyone around him worse and worse, has been practically living with this girl from abnormally early, spends so much tine with her that he rarely even sees his family (mind you, he still lived at home prior to dating her), and has now decided to quit the band we are in together, after it made him be away from her for a week. He's been alienating everyone for months and villifying his friends more and more, outright refuses to even try to work things out with any of us. Since they've been dating he's been drinking at least 5 nights a week because she pumps him full of alcohol (mind you, he's only been a legal drinker for a couple weeks), and whenever they're out in public together he's blackout drunk and she herds him away from others.

Her ex is in our same social circle, and refuses to even be near her because she apparently manipulated him to isolate himself from his friends and family, just as my friend has now done, and would tell him to kill himself when they fought. She had him so convinced that everyone he knew hated him and he was alone that he had a mental breakdown and nearly moved back across the country to his home town.


I had a feeling she was manipulating my friend, but after learning about her past I'm genuinely concerned for him, even though he's been acting like a complete piece of shit for months. Apparently the ex explicitly warned him about all of this, on top of all of us (his friends) telling him it seemed unhealthy, and he refuses to see it.


I don't know what to do and I don't want serious harm to come to my oldest friend because he's involved with a legitimate psychopath
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You're dealing with a succubus bro. Good luck in that losing battle
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He's literally on her leash 24/7 and doesn't see how unhealthy it is. I don't know for certain if she threatens anything when he's away, but I have a strong feeling that there is some kind of "get back here, or else" going on based on how he acts whenever he has other obligations. He risked our friends' lives driving erratically while bringing them home one night because he "wanted to go home abd sleep", and was completely unapologetic and dismissive when told he was driving like an ass; he didn't even go home that night, instead having rushed everyone home so he could go back to her house.


He's developed a complete disregard for everyone around him, and while I'm sure that speaks largely of his character as well, the problem has been getting exponentially worse the longer they've been together.
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You can't speak logic to people who are in lust.
There's no reason to it, so there's no reasoning with them.
Unfortunately, it's just something that you have to find out for yourself.

I was in that place and wouldn't listen to anyone.
Broke up with her and a friend asked me about her. Told him to stay way away from her.
He didn't listen. It's just the stupidity of "love", or lust.
It's a part of life.
Sorry.

It seems like the problem is that your friend prioritizes his girlfriend over everyone else and refuses to listen.

In that case, in all honesty, you just have to wait it out until your friend gets royally screwed over by his girlfriend which will inevitably happen with a piece of work like this unless he's dumb enough to get her pregnant.

Now the question is, will you be there to support him after that happens?
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Just let him do his thing, ostracising you and his other friends.
Be a good guy and welcome him back into the fold when he figures it out.
He's going to need you.

Honestly, there's nothing you can do but stand by your friend when the shit hits the fan.
MAybe it's your turn the next time.

At the very least I'm gonna try to compile specific accounts (hopefully message receipts) from the ex and show him and/or call her ass out and make sure she can't get near anyone else in our community.
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saint_rat posted...

Just let him do his thing, ostracising you and his other friends.
Be a good guy and welcome him back into the fold when he figures it out.
He's going to need you.

Honestly, there's nothing you can do but stand by your friend when the shit hits the fan.
MAybe it's your turn the next time.

This is what I do. I don't take it personal when he bails on me for his girl at the time but remind him Im gonna do the same. Then when we start chillin again I act like it never happened aside from a joke here or there
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sing a song backwards.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6uy0wy7e7Vo
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Lost_All_Senses posted...

saint_rat posted...

Just let him do his thing, ostracising you and his other friends.
Be a good guy and welcome him back into the fold when he figures it out.
He's going to need you.

Honestly, there's nothing you can do but stand by your friend when the shit hits the fan.
MAybe it's your turn the next time.

This is what I do. I don't take it personal when he bails on me for his girl at the time but remind him Im gonna do the same. Then when we start chillin again I act like it never happened aside from a joke here or there

This isn't really "lol id rather get laid than hang out", it's literally a psychopath manipulating my friend to ruin his life
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I feel like you're too invested in this guy's life.
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Jiek_Fafn posted...

I feel like you're too invested in this guy's life.

I mean I want my peoples to do well

He's my oldest friend and I've been watching him throw away literally everything and become more and more miserable
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Bump
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