Current Events > just got off the phone with my ex, depressed and starting to drink, ama

(+) Yeah! (+)

ama except how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop cause idfk
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Are you a Chad?
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Why are you depressed and why were you talking to your ex?
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Pepys Monster posted...

Are you a Chad?

definitely not a chad

masticatingman posted...

Why are you depressed and why were you talking to your ex?

depressed because the breakup was my fault and i ruined possibly the best relationship i'll ever have. could have seen starting a family and growing old with this girl. I was talking to her because i'd been asking her to call so we could talk for the past few days and she finally caved. Things ended badly and i never really got a chance for closure or anything, which is why i'd been asking.
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drunk bump
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What did you do to mess up the relationship
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Forlorn_Ass posted...

What did you do to mess up the relationship

TheDarkCircle posted...

Forlorn_Ass posted...

What did you do to mess up the relationship

rhklce posted...

TheDarkCircle posted...

Forlorn_Ass posted...

What did you do to mess up the relationship

the whole thing is kind of a long story so I guess i'll summarize as best i can. A few years ago I was friends with this other girl, who i knew she didn't like because of things that happened in the past between them. But i still texted her and shit for a few months without my girl knowing. Nothing romantic from either of us, but eventually she found out that i still talked to this girl and that started up a whole mess of insecurities between the two of us that lasted for years. I ended up kicking the other girl to the curb in a pretty fucked up way considering she was my friend but to me it was worth it because imo i had done wrong in hiding it and if it made my girl feel better then it was something i was willing to do. It was still something that got brought up whenever she was mad at me or we got in a fight though. Which we did quite a bit.

Fast forward to almost 2 months ago now and we got in a big fight over i don't even really remember what. But basically I ended up getting super pissed and calling her fat. Which I knew was one of her insecurities and that it would cut her like she was cutting me. Not talking just calling her fat either but going on about it, i texted her gifs of finding nemo where dori was speaking whale, the whole nine. I was a pretty big piece of shit because i knew how bad it would hurt her. Well it worked. That was pretty much the last straw, her and I have talked very little since then and what little talk we have had wasn't good. I don't think I'll ever be able to make it right.
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do you think it can still work out between you both?
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HighOnSolar posted...

rhklce posted...

TheDarkCircle posted...

Forlorn_Ass posted...

What did you do to mess up the relationship

i texted her gifs of finding nemo where dori was speaking whale

Im fucking sorry but lmao
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Forlorn_Ass posted...

HighOnSolar posted...

rhklce posted...

TheDarkCircle posted...

Forlorn_Ass posted...

What did you do to mess up the relationship

i texted her gifs of finding nemo where dori was speaking whale

Im fucking sorry but lmao

She's gonna be those fab to fit revenger girls on an article someday.
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400-600 on average.
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HighOnSolar posted...

It was still something that got brought up whenever she was mad at me or we got in a fight though. Which we did quite a bit.

HighOnSolar posted...

Fast forward to almost 2 months ago now and we got in a big fight over i don't even really remember what. But basically I ended up getting super pissed and calling her fat. Which I knew was one of her insecurities and that it would cut her like she was cutting me. Not talking just calling her fat either but going on about it, i texted her gifs of finding nemo where dori was speaking whale, the whole nine. I was a pretty big piece of shit because i knew how bad it would hurt her. Well it worked.

Don't feel bad. If you hadn't done something to cause the breakup, she eventually would have. Constantly getting into fights where you bring up things completely irrelevant to the issue at hand just to make the other person feel bad is a telltale sign of a relationship that won't last. If anything you should just avoid doing that shit in the future and watch for girls that try it on you.
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Forlorn_Ass posted...

HighOnSolar posted...

rhklce posted...

TheDarkCircle posted...

Forlorn_Ass posted...

What did you do to mess up the relationship

i texted her gifs of finding nemo where dori was speaking whale

Im fucking sorry but lmao

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Parappa09 posted...

do you think it can still work out between you both?

I don't think so no. I do wish though. As big a piece of shit as I was, i've never met any girl like her that i had such a connection with. Not ashamed to say i'm pretty quiet dude in person for the most part but it was like I could talk to her about anything. And we did. Hours and hours a day i could talk to this girl. Should probably mention that the majority of our relationship was long distance. I first met her when she was on vacation in Australia about 4-5 years ago, she's from Texas. But yeah, seeing as talk was the biggest thing we had, we spent a lot of days together. I dropped more than a few friends, one guy who was like a brother to me, I pretty much became a hermit so we could spend our free time playing xbox and talking and shit.

I feel like I'm just rambling now but I don't know. I wish we could work out. I've had almost 2 months now to think about what a piece of shit I've been, i've started working towards bettering myself, but i don't think she's going to budge. She doesn't even want to be friends or talk or anything. I fucked up pretty royally. To be honest there's still a small bit of hope that maybe I can show her I've started changing and that she could some day forgive me, but it's pretty much nonexistant at this point. I don't remember everything that was said on the phone because i was a mess for half of it, but I do know that she's seeing someone else already, 2 dates in. Whether or not he's just a rebound i don't really care. But the thoughts that have been running through my head the past 2 months have been killing me.

Shadowplay posted...

Don't feel bad. If you hadn't done something to cause the breakup, she eventually would have. Constantly getting into fights where you bring up things completely irrelevant to the issue at hand just to make the other person feel bad is a telltale sign of a relationship that won't last. If anything you should just avoid doing that shit in the future and watch for girls that try it on you.

See i agree for the most part but things were getting better which is what kills me. Neither of us were very secure people from the get go but we were working through that shit like a team. I just lost my temper in a horrible way and one time was all it took to fuck me over.
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on the real note tho, as someone who called off an engagement 2 months ago after finding out she was married to the man she told me was her dad (looooong story), dont try to get back together, its not worth it

the damage is done, move on

you sacrificed friends for her and wanted to hurt her as much she hurt you (which is something i did and trust me, it doesnt get any better)

use it as a learning experience

there will always be compromise in relationships, but make sure lines are drawn. dont sacrifice friends and family on the idea of love, you just alienate the people that care about you
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HighOnSolar posted...

i texted her gifs of finding nemo where dori was speaking whale

I was with you until this. People sometimes get pissed off and say hurtful shit they don't mean that you can apologize for but that... That's just petty as fuck and doing like something like that when you're just over text and not even face to face in the heat of the moment is just dumb.
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hahahaha lmfao
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ManSpread posted...

on the real note tho, as someone who called off an engagement 2 months ago after finding out she was married to the man she told me was her dad (looooong story), dont try to get back together, its not worth it

the damage is done, move on

you sacrificed friends for her and wanted to hurt her as much she hurt you (which is something i did and trust me, it doesnt get any better)

use it as a learning experience

there will always be compromise in relationships, but make sure lines are drawn. dont sacrifice friends and family on the idea of love, you just alienate the people that care about you

I know dude... It's just that connection that I can't get out of my head. I'm 26 which I know isn't exactly ancient, but in all my years I'd never met anyone I could talk to like that. I'd been out on little dates before that didn't really mean anything. This was my first real, really real relationship. Lasted about 4 1/2 years, known her about 5. I just can't help but think that if I had smartened up sooner and seen her insecurities as what they were, and not taken them personally but instead done my best to ease her fears, my future might be a lot different than what it is now. The things I got rid of were my own choice, my own mistakes. The friend I mentioned in my previous post wasn't super serious or anything. The guy who was like my brother it's not like she asked me to get rid of him, it's just that I was so caught up on her that I just stopped going out when people asked. Gradually stopped going out period and we sort of just lost contact... Sounds like you have a hell of a story yourself btw.

Gamer99z posted...

I was with you until this. People sometimes get pissed off and say hurtful shit they don't mean that you can apologize for but that... That's just petty as fuck and doing like something like that when you're just over text and not even face to face in the heat of the moment is just dumb.

I feel you. Wholeheartedly. Keep in mind that face to face for us was limited for us to once or twice a year for the time. We had started talking about making a move together but then this all happened. As far as our arguments went, it was angry phone calls and angry texting. Idk why I'm trying to justify what I said because I'm really not. A lot of things have been said back and forth between us over the years, some things not so nice--on both ends. But I sunk really low that day. To say I was dumb is a massive understatement. I've had almost 2 months now to think back on how I got and I still can't say how I did, I just know that i never want to be that person again. looking back I feel like an honest monster, to the person i cared for the most.
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You called her FAT????!!! What were you thinking??? Just go away and leave her alone. She can do better. Can't believe you were so bad. Just go away and let her find a nice guy.

leverageblargh posted...

So she starts out by slinging unrelated shit at you that you're insecure about in your arguments. She never checks that behavior and I suppose you never called her out on it?

Then eventually you start doing it back.

Then she gets her rolls in a twist because you took it a little further with a couple of texts.

Don't dish it out if you can't take it. If you've proved you'll escalate the argument unnecessarily, you shouldn't be surprised when one day the other person escalates it even further. Way of the world.

You're having all this self reflection and grovelled at her feet for a chance to get closure because you actually recognize your mistakes. Can she say the same? Has she learned anything at all about herself?

Idk. Maybe based on the few things I said so far and simplifying it it sounds like that. It's hard to condense 4+ years of something very complicated into a few posts. I couldn't even remember everything if I wanted to. Make no mistake, I was a real piece of shit. For a long time. Both of us have most definitely said things over the years that we didn't mean. It was very very complicated. I knew that in her past she didn't always look the way she does now, she used to get bullied in school for being overweight after her close cousin passed away. That's why I knew it would hurt so bad. And I have no doubt that saying the things I did brought up all sorts of terrible memories and made me no better than those people.

Did we go back and forth? Yeah. Sure we did. But I'm the guy, and I can't stop thinking that if I had just grown the fuck up and been the bigger person and not insulted her that things would be a lot more different than they are now.

leverageblargh posted...

And you guys had seen other in person for a fraction of the time you guys have been together AND y'all were still getting into these level of fights over long distance? What do you think would have happened if you actually married this girl and started a family with her?

C'mon dude be honest with yourself. You got those post post breakup nostalgia goggles on.

Things were absolutely perfect in person which was one of my driving factors. We never fought. We got along with each other like we'd been friends our entire lives. I think if you ask me, being together in person was much easier because it is a lot harder to be insecure your partner when they're right there with you. She was always worried I was hiding people. Which I brought on myself by hiding that girl all those years ago, along with not being exactly forthcoming about other female friends I had at the time. Like I said nothing romantic, there was no cheating or even thoughts of cheating going on. There was just a lot of insecurity. And I still think that it's something that could be worked through together if given the chance. Only I royally fucked that chance.

I'm sure i've got the goggles on you're probably right about that, but how i feel right now is how i felt during the relationship, the only difference being that I was too damn stupid and immature to see that a lot of our fights were caused by pain she was going through. And instead of helping I only made things worse.
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Sounds like she had issues herself
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HighOnSolar posted...

But basically I ended up getting super pissed and calling her fat. Which I knew was one of her insecurities and that it would cut her like she was cutting me. Not talking just calling her fat either but going on about it, i texted her gifs of finding nemo where dori was speaking whale, the whole nine.

Lmao, sending her gifs. Hehehhe, thats pretty funny.

Well, you shouldnt feel too bad. It sounds like your relationship was toxic from the beginning. Bullet dodged is what Im saying. When youve finally moved on, this will all seem like an amusing afterthought.
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a million fish in the sea it will be ok TC
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HighOnSolar posted...

Fast forward to almost 2 months ago now and we got in a big fight over i don't even really remember what. But basically I ended up getting super pissed and calling her fat. Which I knew was one of her insecurities and that it would cut her like she was cutting me. Not talking just calling her fat either but going on about it, i texted her gifs of finding nemo where dori was speaking whale, the whole nine. I was a pretty big piece of shit because i knew how bad it would hurt her. Well it worked. That was pretty much the last straw, her and I have talked very little since then and what little talk we have had wasn't good. I don't think I'll ever be able to make it right.

Yeah, that's a wrap. Any girl with an ounce of self respect won't take a person back after they've crossed the line like this. I mean really, what the fuck were you thinking? I know you were upset but why would you start roasting your girl like that... Did you even like or respect her to begin with? Be honest bruh.
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this is the kind of stuff i was hoping you guys would say, i guess i'm just not feeling it right now. hopefully soon though because it's honestly the hardest thing i've ever had to go through imagining her with someone else after we were so close for so long. don't even know why i made this topic tbh although it is nice getting it off my chest i guess. the only person i could really talk to about stuff was her and it's not exactly like she's the best person to talk to about this, i always just turn into a mess when we try.

Last night was our last time talking unless i break down and try to get in contact again. i told her that if she ever wants to just say hi or catch up or whatever to not be afraid to get ahold of me, that i would like to try and be friends if we could, but she didn't go for it. said it wouldn't help me. she's not wrong i guess. i just miss my best friend.
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Why the hell would you do that to yourself?
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And why would you be mean to your "best friend"? You need to forget her and learn to be a better friend.

You cant change it. Adapt to it. You learned from it so now, improve yourself and treat the next one better.

Deadpool_18 posted...

Why the hell would you do that to yourself?

which part? idk why i contacted her tbh other than I haven't gotten to talk to her in what feels like forever, and honestly i wanted to confirm some of the shitty things that have been bouncing around my head these last 1-2 months. I thought hearing some of it from her directly would help get a little closure and help me be able to start moving on. I wouldn't say it helped or hurt either way tbh I feel just as shitty as I did before we talked.

If you mean me losing my temper and being an insufferable asshole, i really don't know that either. Thinking back to when we first met, we were individually two really cool people. i don't know where along the lines I started to change into a worse person but it happened... just trying to get as far away from being that person ever again as i can. i don't ever want to revisit that state of mind.

JustMyOpinion posted...

If it makes you feel any better, it doesn't sound like you guys were good together. But you need to grow as a person. You acted like a clown to your ex and to your former friend.

yeah... i agree. with the last part at the very least. i just don't think i'll ever be able to make it up or make it right and that makes me incredibly sad. if things were going to end they shouldn't have ended so explosively like they did. wish every day that i could take back the things I said but i don't think i'll ever be able to.
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Nope you can't so you need to move on. Just don't forget what you did so you won't do it to someone else. And it's not one sided....she will have to live with the sting of your words as well.