Current Events > CE, give me your opinions on what I should do in this situation.

(+) Yeah! (+)

A friend of mine knows this girl, and apparently she needs a place to stay, and wants to know if I could help out. He said she can't stay at her friend's house tonight. Apparently she's running from an abusive home and her mother hit her with a baseball bat. I tried asking how long she would need, but he replied with saying she could get a job if needed, and help pay rent. He told me she was an ex of his, and assured me she was a pretty nice person.

That kind of worries me, since I wasn't expecting to suddenly take on a possible roommate out of the blue. I'm a pretty shy person, kind of nervous around other people, and I've never lived with someone before. Also, it would kind of interfere with my private life as well.

On the other hand, I would feel like a total jerk if I denied my friend's friend a place to stay. I would assume her only options would be to go back to an abusive home, or onto the streets. And I've seen a few actual homeless people around here, and that shit doesn't look fun.

I kind of don't want a sudden roommate, but I don't want to be an ass, either. Anyone got any advice/suggestions/opinions/plans of action I should take?
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If he's so concerned about her, why can't she stay at his? Or, she could stay with other family members (her aunts/uncles or cousins or grandparents etc).

Your home is where you feel most comfortable, so if you're not willing to let a stranger intrude (which, in fairness, nobody can blame you for), then respectfully decline but say you would like to help. Perhaps you can offer her a lift to the next town to another friend/family friend?
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Luigi and Tails posted...

If he's so concerned about her, why can't she stay at his?

For one, he lives with his mom and dad in a family of 6.

Or, she could stay with other family members (her aunts/uncles or cousins or grandparents etc).

Your home is where you feel most comfortable, so if you're not willing to let a stranger intrude (which, in fairness, nobody can blame you for), then respectfully decline but say you would like to help. Perhaps you can offer her a lift to the next town to another friend/family friend?

I don't have a car. ;_; That's not a bad idea, though...
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Bump for any other ideas. Maybe I'll let her come over and let her stay until we can find another place for her.

...Typing that out makes me realize that might be a dumb plan.
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He could offer her a sofa for a night or two while she gets herself sorted out. She must have other friends she can sofa-hop too while she finds her feet.

Not sure how it works in the US, but a Megabus (coach) travelling cross-country costs less than a tenner. If someone I didn't know wanted a lift to Scotland (from London), I'd not bother, but if I knew they were hard up, I'd pay the 5 for the bus to take them there.
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let her in under fwb conditions
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Do you have a spare room for her yo stay in?

I'd suggest letting her stay for a month ir two, but make it very clear that that's the timeline. She has to have a place lined up by then, or before then.

I've done that for a friend. It works rather well if when you're up front and set guidelines.
I told my buddy he had a month free, and then the second month he was paying rent + bills and the third month he wouldn't be here.
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he replied with saying she could get a job if needed, and help pay rent.

Unless shes in high school or something she should already have a job?? If you do say yes. Rent and strong unbreakable rules are necessary. No compromises

Personally I would say no especially if you are shy. Sounds like a recipe for you to be taken advantage of.
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STPeachbooty posted...

let her in under fwb conditions

I don't even care about sex. "fwb" conditions for me would be totally different.

Eat More Beef posted...

Do you have a spare room for her yo stay in?

I'd suggest letting her stay for a month ir two, but make it very clear that that's the timeline. She has to have a place lined up by then, or before then.

I've done that for a friend. It works rather well if when you're up front and set guidelines.
I told my buddy he had a month free, and then the second month he was paying rent + bills and the third month he wouldn't be here.

Even 1-2 months sounds like awhile. But no, I don't have a spare room for her. I have a 2-room apartment. Living room/kitchen and bedroom. And if she comes over, I'll keep that in mind. You know, if I absolutely have to do this.

Luigi and Tails posted...

He could offer her a sofa for a night or two while she gets herself sorted out.

I highly doubt his family would allow that. His dad's kind of an asshole, so I can easily see that not happening.

She must have other friends she can sofa-hop too while she finds her feet.

Not sure how it works in the US, but a Megabus (coach) travelling cross-country costs less than a tenner. If someone I didn't know wanted a lift to Scotland (from London), I'd not bother, but if I knew they were hard up, I'd pay the 5 for the bus to take them there.

Well, sofa-hopping might not be a bad idea either. Also, the cross-country travel idea really only works if we know there's a destination she can go to.

Also, my friend just informed me she has a large suitcase, and she's in the next freaking town. He said he doesn't know how she could get to my apartment, and suggested, "Uber?" Who's gonna pay for that?? I mean, I literally can't my card doesn't actually work with the Uber app.
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I'll be honest, your friend sounds like he's dumping his problem on you. Tell him you would love to be in a position to help but, since she's far away, you can't drive, she's got baggage (no pun intended), and he seems to expect you to pay for everything, it's not going to work.

It's not your problem to know if she has a place to go or not. Send her $20 to go towards a taxi/train/bus/plane etc and be happy you've done your charitable deed.
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Yeah this sounds like a bad idea. I agree that it sounds like your friend is dumping his problem onto you. Having someone you don't know living in your home for an unspecified amount of time, especially if you're shy or non-confrontational, just seems like it will put you in a position to be taken advantage of unless the girl is a saint. Offer to help in some other way if you want, but just politely decline like others are saying.
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So you don't even know what she's like at all? I don't know if I'd do it, personally. You're always running the risk of the person being a leech. Staying longer than you would want, being messy/inconsiderate, eating your food, etc. That's assuming they live a relatively clean life otherwise and aren't into drugs/won't also be stealing from you. It's a pretty big gamble. You would also be giving up a lot of your privacy/peace since it doesn't sound like you have that big of a place to begin with. What if she tries to seduce you and you get pulled into a bs situation with someone that obviously has a lot of emotional baggage? Not good.

She could also be a really nice person and an overall pleasure to host. Maybe she cooks, keeps the place clean and after a while gets a job and contributes some rent money.

The former seems to be more common, unfortunately.

Edit: I would most likely just say sorry and that you're not comfortable doing it/don't have a big enough place to accommodate another person. I still find it to be almost a red flag that she doesn't have any other friends willing to have her, especially a girl friend. What's so bad about her that a literal stranger is her only option?
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You guys are kinda saying what I'm thinking. I'm really apprehensive about doing this. Reasonably, it is a pretty big risk with someone I've seriously never met. I feel like even if I try politely declining, I'll get guilt-tripped into doing it, on top of already feeling guilty if I successfully turn-down the offer.

Yeah, just as I thought, I'm kinda getting guilt-tripped. If he can assure me it's just for tonight, maybe...
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As others have said, exploring other of hers/family etc all seem the best place to start, especially because they know her more than you do. That being said, I wouldn't be opposed to somebody crashing a week or so with me, though I *would* be very clear about what my routine is, if that makes sense.

How old are you, your friend, and this girl?What do you know about the kinds of girls he's dated?

Stop saying maybe, start saying no. If it's a big risk, why are you even entertaining the idea any more?
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I would not do it, your friend sounds like he is dumping his problem on you.
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