Current Events > Cuckolding can be positive for some couples, study says

(+) Yeah! (+)

https://www.cnn.com/2018/01/25/health/cuckolding-sex-kerner/index.html

In our current political climate, the term "cuck" -- short for "cuckservative" -- has become an insult of the so-called alt-right, aimed at men they view as spineless and emasculated. The slur has its roots in the concept of cuckolding, or having an adulterous partner.

But, according to a recent study by David Ley, Justin Lehmiller and the writer Dan Savage, acting on cuckolding fantasies can be a largely positive experience for many couples, and hardly a sign of weakness.

References to cuckolding appear in literature as early as the 13th century, usually in the form of male characters who fear that their child has been sired by another man during an act of infidelity. Today, however, cuckolding has become fetishized into a powerful sexual fantasy for some men, who get aroused by the idea of their romantic partner engaging in sexual activity with someone else. Women also share this fantasy, but less so than men.

"This fantasy has been around as long as marriage and sexuality," said Ley, whose book "Insatiable Wives" addresses cuckolding in heterosexual couples. "But we're hearing more and more about it these days, and more people are rejecting the social stigma against this fantasy."

Indeed, the numbers suggest that cuckolding, or at least thinking about it, is more common than you might imagine. For his forthcoming book, "Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help Improve Your Sex Life," Lehmiller surveyed thousands of Americans and found that 58% of men and about a third of women had fantasized about cuckolding.
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"Men are more likely to fantasize about cuckolding, and they do it more often -- but there are a number of women who have these fantasies as well, which points to the need for more research focused on women's cuckolding desires," Lehmiller said.

Initially viewed as a heterosexual phenomenon, it's increasingly prevalent among gay men, too. "I'd long gotten letters from straight couples into cuckolding (usually initiated by the husband), but none from gay couples until after marriage equality began to gather steam," explained writer and activist Savage. To learn more, Savage joined with Lehmiller and Ley for a study of cuckolding fantasies and experiences in 580 gay men.

Their findings suggest that there are similarities between the way gay and straight men view cuckolding, but clear differences, too. Most notably, interracial and BDSM themes don't appear to be as common in gay men's cuckolding fantasies as they are among heterosexual men. The motivations behind these fantasies may also be different.

Part of what makes cuckolding arousing for heterosexual men is that they tend to view it as a taboo act. "In a society or culture that idealizes monogamy, the cuckold fantasy is a current narrative that is available to people to conceptualize their sexual fantasies," said Ley.

But that may not be an influence for everyone. "For gay men, cuckolding isn't quite as taboo because the norm of lifelong monogamy isn't so strong in the LGBT community; however, it can still be arousing for a number of other reasons," said Lehmiller. For instance, fantasies about voyeurism and group sex seem to overlap with those about cuckolding in these men. "It's a sexual desire that can be easily customized to meet a wide range of sexual needs and desires, whether it's taboo sex, novelty, voyeurism or something else," he told me.

And the emotions surrounding seeing your partner with someone else can add to the turn-on, explained Savage. "It's not cuckolding if there isn't an element of humiliation, degradation or denial," he said. "Our erotic imaginations have the ability to turn shame lemons into delicious kink lemonade."

As a sex therapist, one of the more intriguing findings from this study involves the impact of cuckolding on relationships.

"Overall, our research found that for the most part, cuckolding tends to be a positive fantasy and behavior," said Ley. "It doesn't appear to be evidence of disturbance, of an unhealthy relationship, or of disregard for one's partner." But there's an important caveat, added Lehmiller. "We found several personality factors that predict more positive experiences acting on cuckolding fantasies. For those who have a lot of relationship anxiety or abandonment issues, who lack intimacy and communication, and who aren't careful, detail-oriented planners, acting on a consensual non-monogamy fantasy could very well be a negative experience," he said. "In other words, not everyone who has a cuckolding fantasy should think about acting on it."

Remember that sometimes just sharing a sexy thought can be arousing enough -- you don't have to follow through. If you are thinking about acting on a cuckolding fantasy, it's worth stepping back first and making sure your relationship is in a good place and that you have strong sexual communication skills.
"For men and couples considering the issue of cuckolding, it's important there be honesty, integrity, communication, mutuality and shared values," advised Ley. "I've seen men who try to trick their wives into cuckolding them, and this never, ever ends up well."

For couples who do decide to move forward, it's important to take things slow. "The reality of watching your spouse have sex with someone else -- or knowing they're doing it, if you're not there -- is often very different than the fantasy.
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very true
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Uh. Okay. Far be it from me to kinkshame.
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Why not just swing?
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Philoktetes posted...

In our current political climate, the term "cuck" -- short for "cuckservative"

No. It's short for "cuckold."
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Pepys Monster posted...

Philoktetes posted...

In our current political climate, the term "cuck" -- short for "cuckservative"

No. It's short for "cuckold."

In terms of the current political climate, it is cuckservative.
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This is just cucks trying to rationalise their wives cheating on them.

Newhopes posted...

This is just cucks trying to rationalise their wives cheating on them.

Usually its the men's idea in the first place.
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pinky0926 posted...

Newhopes posted...

This is just cucks trying to rationalise their wives cheating on them.

Usually its the men's idea in the first place.

if the woman is any at all sane she's thinking "yesssss" to herself
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www.cnn

Why aren't I surprised
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the world is a fucking stupid place

ChainedRedone posted...

Pepys Monster posted...

Philoktetes posted...

In our current political climate, the term "cuck" -- short for "cuckservative"

No. It's short for "cuckold."

In terms of the current political climate, it is cuckservative.

No, it's still short for cuckold.
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Wtf. Everyday we stray further from Gods light.
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author is probably a cuck
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The truth about swinging is that male partners are far more readily available, which is one small reason I would never consider it. Though I think women are more readily okay with playing second fiddle to a significant other. Funny how that works
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Lmao
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anth0ny posted...

pinky0926 posted...

Newhopes posted...

This is just cucks trying to rationalise their wives cheating on them.

Usually its the men's idea in the first place.

if the woman is any at all sane she's thinking "yesssss" to herself

Usually they either say "wtf why would you want to do this" or they lose faith in the relationship.

There's a lot of memes about swinging but really it's just another kink that is suitable for some people and unsuitable for most people.
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ChainedRedone posted...

Pepys Monster posted...

Philoktetes posted...

In our current political climate, the term "cuck" -- short for "cuckservative"

No. It's short for "cuckold."

In terms of the current political climate, it is cuckservative.

Yes and no, depending on context.

Cuck is usually used by far right conservatives on the internet to disparage progressives. The implication being that they're so weak willed that they'd let someone else, usually a minority, fuck their wife. Its a sort of metaphor for letting other take what is rightfully theirs.

It can be used to disparage lesser conservatives as weak willed: the cuckservatives.
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This is why people mock liberals.
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For those who have a lot of relationship anxiety or abandonment issues, who lack intimacy and communication, and who aren't careful, detail-oriented planners, acting on a consensual non-monogamy fantasy could very well be a negative experience

i find it amusing that the article presents this as though only the weakest of couples would have a negative experience acting out this sexual fantasy

in truth, introducing outside partners is only viable for the strongest of couples with the best intimacy (not to be confused with couples that start non-monogamous; this is far easier to do than changing the terms of a monogamous relationship, especially one-way)
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This fad/meme/obsession needs to die. Healthy people don't think and/or act out like this.
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Estrogen in the water and a diet high in soy leads to liberal propaganda like this

Also, more on topic, I still think the cuckolding thing is largely men, mostly white men for some reason, fetishizing their own insecurities.

They're insecure about their ability to sexually satisfy their wife and they some how turn that into fuel for their own sexual arousal, so they start to get off on the idea of another more capable or endowed, usually black for some reason, man fucking their wife better.

Some might blame it on trends of shaming traditional masculinity in white males or something socially related, but I don't know about all that. Might be a stretch.
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It's sad that a CNN journalist is trying to make the best out of his wife liking Tyrone's long dick style.
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Darkman124 posted...

For those who have a lot of relationship anxiety or abandonment issues, who lack intimacy and communication, and who aren't careful, detail-oriented planners, acting on a consensual non-monogamy fantasy could very well be a negative experience

i find it amusing that the article presents this as though only the weakest of couples would have a negative experience acting out this sexual fantasy

in truth, introducing outside partners is only viable for the strongest of couples with the best intimacy (not to be confused with couples that start non-monogamous; this is far easier to do than changing the terms of a monogamous relationship, especially one-way)

I've also seen it introduce uncertainty into rocksteady relationships which does untold damage in the long run.

I think non-monogamy is fine but really you have to pretty much be a new age hippy to not take issue with it, as well as be completely on the level with your S.O.
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So which subreddit did tc steal this from
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Esrac posted...

Also, more on topic, I still think the cuckolding thing is largely men, mostly white men for some reason, fetishizing their own insecurities.

They're insecure about their ability to sexually satisfy their wife and they some how turn that into fuel for their own sexual arousal, so they start to get off on the idea of another more capable or endowed, usually black for some reason, man fucking their wife better.

Some might blame it on trends of shaming traditional masculinity in white males or something socially related, but I don't know about all that. Might be a stretch.

But is it really that much different than so many other kinks that - if taken at face value - could point to some disturbing emotional issues?

I always see people pointing to cuckoldry as an example of liberal degeneracy or something but curiously the same is never said about women who like to get slapped in the face and things like that. And honestly it seems like most women I've been with want sex a lot rougher than they typically get.
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pinky0926 posted...

Esrac posted...

Also, more on topic, I still think the cuckolding thing is largely men, mostly white men for some reason, fetishizing their own insecurities.

They're insecure about their ability to sexually satisfy their wife and they some how turn that into fuel for their own sexual arousal, so they start to get off on the idea of another more capable or endowed, usually black for some reason, man fucking their wife better.

Some might blame it on trends of shaming traditional masculinity in white males or something socially related, but I don't know about all that. Might be a stretch.

But is it really that much different than so many other kinks that - if taken at face value - could point to some disturbing emotional issues?

I always see people pointing to cuckoldry as an example of liberal degeneracy or something but curiously the same is never said about women who like to get slapped in the face and things like that. And honestly it seems like most women I've been with want sex a lot rougher than they typically get.

Just my persona takel, involving another person in sexual congress when someone has been monogamous is not even on the level of telling your partner you want to try scat. My wife could want to try anything (edit: except like rape fantasy) and I wouldn't think a thing of it. But not this.
Unless someone goes into an open relationship with someone from the start, an indication that one person wants a third party is almost always a bad sign for the other person.
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pinky0926 posted...

Darkman124 posted...

For those who have a lot of relationship anxiety or abandonment issues, who lack intimacy and communication, and who aren't careful, detail-oriented planners, acting on a consensual non-monogamy fantasy could very well be a negative experience

i find it amusing that the article presents this as though only the weakest of couples would have a negative experience acting out this sexual fantasy

in truth, introducing outside partners is only viable for the strongest of couples with the best intimacy (not to be confused with couples that start non-monogamous; this is far easier to do than changing the terms of a monogamous relationship, especially one-way)

I've also seen it introduce uncertainty into rocksteady relationships which does untold damage in the long run.

I think non-monogamy is fine but really you have to pretty much be a new age hippy to not take issue with it, as well as be completely on the level with your S.O.

Yeah. I think even introducing the idea of non-monogamy into a relationship that has thus far been monogamous is asking for trouble.

If my wife brought up the idea of fucking other people, my initial response would probably be to suspect she already was and was looking for a way to do it without getting in trouble for it or she already had a guy in mind. Then I'd probably wonder what was going wrong in our relationship that she felt the need to look for outside sexual intimacy, etc.

I don't think it'd go super well.
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Esrac posted...

Yeah. I think even introducing the idea of non-monogamy into a relationship that has thus far been monogamous is asking for trouble.

If my wife brought up the idea of f***ing other people, my initial response would probably be to suspect she already was and was looking for a way to do it without getting in trouble for it or she already had a guy in mind. Then I'd probably wonder what was going wrong in our relationship that she felt the need to look for outside sexual intimacy, etc.

I don't think it'd go super well.

my wife did ask if i was interested in opening our marriage, and it had similar results. we're okay, i'm confident she's not doing anything behind my back (and have been in open relationships before) but it undermined the depth of my feelings for her in a big way.

in our case, we have friends who have overtly expressed sexual interest in me, so it was less egregious.
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Tropicalwood posted...

long dick style

BOOIIINNNGGGG

Darkman124 posted...

my wife

Divorce her.

If a girl even suggested that shit to me I'd drop her like a bad habit

pinky0926 posted...

Esrac posted...

Also, more on topic, I still think the cuckolding thing is largely men, mostly white men for some reason, fetishizing their own insecurities.

They're insecure about their ability to sexually satisfy their wife and they some how turn that into fuel for their own sexual arousal, so they start to get off on the idea of another more capable or endowed, usually black for some reason, man fucking their wife better.

Some might blame it on trends of shaming traditional masculinity in white males or something socially related, but I don't know about all that. Might be a stretch.

But is it really that much different than so many other kinks that - if taken at face value - could point to some disturbing emotional issues?

I always see people pointing to cuckoldry as an example of liberal degeneracy or something but curiously the same is never said about women who like to get slapped in the face and things like that. And honestly it seems like most women I've been with want sex a lot rougher than they typically get.

I don't know abouy "liberal degeneracy", but I think it is different, yes.

There is a difference between wanting to try something new within the bound of your established relationship and opening that relationship up to other people. I mean, it's one thing to want your husband or boyfriend to be more aggressive or rough in bed; it's another thing to want to replace your boyfriend or husband with a more aggressive and rougher sex partner entirely.
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Darkman124 posted...

Esrac posted...

Yeah. I think even introducing the idea of non-monogamy into a relationship that has thus far been monogamous is asking for trouble.

If my wife brought up the idea of f***ing other people, my initial response would probably be to suspect she already was and was looking for a way to do it without getting in trouble for it or she already had a guy in mind. Then I'd probably wonder what was going wrong in our relationship that she felt the need to look for outside sexual intimacy, etc.

I don't think it'd go super well.

my wife did ask if i was interested in opening our marriage, and it had similar results. we're okay, i'm confident she's not doing anything behind my back (and have been in open relationships before) but it undermined the depth of my feelings for her in a big way.

in our case, we have friends who have overtly expressed sexual interest in me, so it was less egregious.

Yeah, I suspect if my wife started talking about wanting to pursue sex outside our marriage, it'd cause a significant emotional gap between us, at least for me. I know I would be pretty bitter about it.

Not to get too personal, but I would take it as a significant insult because, within our marriage, I do have a notably higher sex drive than she does. I'm up for it nearly every day, she's more a once or twice a week kinda girl. If she asked for sex outside the marriage, I would know it's not just because she felt like she wasn't getting it often enough.
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Whoever did this study sounds like a cuck
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Esrac posted...

Yeah, I suspect if my wife started talking about wanting to pursue sex outside our marriage, it'd cause a significant emotional gap between us, at least for me. I know I would be pretty bitter about it.

Not to get too personal, but I would take it as a significant insult because, within our marriage, I do have a notably higher sex drive than she does. I'm up for it nearly every day, she's more a once or twice a week kinda girl. If she asked for sex outside the marriage, I would know it's not just because she felt like she wasn't getting it often enough.

in my wife's case it was because she's never had sex with anyone except me, which i understood. i was clear that my answer was no, and she has not pressured for it further.
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Esrac posted...

Not to get too personal, but I would take it as a significant insult because, within our marriage, I do have a notably higher sex drive than she does. I'm up for it nearly every day, she's more a once or twice a week kinda girl. If she asked for sex outside the marriage, I would know it's not just because she felt like she wasn't getting it often enough.

Not an insult, but check out the subreddit r/deadbedrooms, if for nothing but to hear about others experiences.

A common theme is relationships with mismatched libidos and how couples reconcile that.

Darkman124 posted...

Esrac posted...

Yeah, I suspect if my wife started talking about wanting to pursue sex outside our marriage, it'd cause a significant emotional gap between us, at least for me. I know I would be pretty bitter about it.

Not to get too personal, but I would take it as a significant insult because, within our marriage, I do have a notably higher sex drive than she does. I'm up for it nearly every day, she's more a once or twice a week kinda girl. If she asked for sex outside the marriage, I would know it's not just because she felt like she wasn't getting it often enough.

in my wife's case it was because she's never had sex with anyone except me, which i understood. i was clear that my answer was no, and she has not pressured for it further.

I see. My wife and I had both had sex with a few other people before another, but we've been monogamous for about a decade. I guess I can understand being curious if you'd only ever had the one sexual partner, but experimenting outside the marriage seems like a recipe for divorce.

My wife has never brought up the idea of seeing other men and I've never asked to see other women. As far as I know, we both like it that way.
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Sounds like a lot of horse shit if you ask me.
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clearaflagrantj posted...

Esrac posted...

Not to get too personal, but I would take it as a significant insult because, within our marriage, I do have a notably higher sex drive than she does. I'm up for it nearly every day, she's more a once or twice a week kinda girl. If she asked for sex outside the marriage, I would know it's not just because she felt like she wasn't getting it often enough.

Not an insult, but check out the subreddit r/deadbedrooms, if for nothing but to hear about others experiences.

A common theme is relationships with mismatched libidos and how couples reconcile that.

I wouldn't call our bedroom dead, I just want sex more often than she does. It is sometimes frustrating for me, but nothing that is crippling to our relationship.

Her usual reason for declining advances is she is too tired. Which I understand, because we both work fulltime and have two kids. The difference, I guess, is while being tired can hamper her libido, it doesn't reduce mine.
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Esrac posted...

I wouldn't call our bedroom dead, I just want sex more often than she does. It is sometimes frustrating for me, but nothing that is crippling to our relationship.

Her usual reason for declining advances is she is too tired. Which I understand, because we both work fulltime and have two kids. The difference, I guess, is while being tired can hamper her libido, it doesn't reduce mine.

It doesn't have to be completely dead for their to be something fundamentally wrong. If she cared about your wants she would make time and find the energy to have sex with you more. I'm not saying she has to be a living sex doll for you but something should be done to meet both of your needs, otherwise what's the point of the relationship.

leverageblargh posted...

Liberal propaganda

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clearaflagrantj posted...

Esrac posted...

I wouldn't call our bedroom dead, I just want sex more often than she does. It is sometimes frustrating for me, but nothing that is crippling to our relationship.

Her usual reason for declining advances is she is too tired. Which I understand, because we both work fulltime and have two kids. The difference, I guess, is while being tired can hamper her libido, it doesn't reduce mine.

It doesn't have to be completely dead for their to be something fundamentally wrong. If she cared about your wants she would make time and find the energy to have sex with you more. I'm not saying she has to be a living sex doll for you but something should be done to meet both of your needs, otherwise what's the point of the relationship.

While I might be inclined to agree, as I am in the same boat, there are things like my wife finding out she's in perimenopause and is in the process of getting DHEA levels check and a full blood panel. Sometimes it's not that a man/woman just doesn't want to, but that they can't, so to speak. And just learning this today, there are steps like OTC medication that can help.

And I am not saying this to be a dick (lol) or contrary, just an FYI for anyone that might be struggling with opposing sex drives with their mate.
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pinky0926 posted...

I always see people pointing to cuckoldry as an example of liberal degeneracy or something but curiously the same is never said about women who like to get slapped in the face and things like that. And honestly it seems like most women I've been with want sex a lot rougher than they typically get.

Cuckoldry just isn't comparable to rougher sex. That's grasping at straws (tiny dicks).
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Well, I guess most CEmen will have long, healthy relationships

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Esrac posted...

I don't know abouy "liberal degeneracy", but I think it is different, yes.

There is a difference between wanting to try something new within the bound of your established relationship and opening that relationship up to other people. I mean, it's one thing to want your husband or boyfriend to be more aggressive or rough in bed; it's another thing to want to replace your boyfriend or husband with a more aggressive and rougher sex partner entirely.

They're obviously different but I don't see much of a distinction in terms of which points to more mental problems (simply because I think neither points to mental problems).

Wanting to get smacked across the face while saying "hit me Daddy" is no more or less weird than wanting to have sex with multiple people while in a relationship, I feel. The only difference is one is easier to feel ok with.
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I mean I guess. Definitely not for me.
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