Current Events > Give this girl a pass or nah?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Ive been running around with a coworker the past week after about a year of sexual tension. Found her interesting for a while, but didnt broach for personal reasons. She made a move instead. So were feeling each other out and it feels like there might be something there, because theres more than just sex and bounce involved.

Well were hanging out in a group last night and shes asking me to come home with her later. Loose plans made. Not an hour later, she bounces to hang with a different group of friends and a guy a mutual friend is swearing to me up and down is just a friend and nothing more. That shit took me to a dark place because Ive been down that road with women who tossed me like a whim to fuck someone else while weve been out. Whether thats what went on or not, thats whats emotionally evoked from experience.

I dont know what I want from this girl enough to want to clip her wings, and the time table doesnt warrant it, either. But I also have certain expectations for sleeping with someone Im seeing, because it requires a certain surrender of vulnerability and evolves into an increasing level of attachment. I have a personality that struggles to take people on casually, and its an unfortunate cross to bear in the modern dating environment, because Im not trying to push a relationship that I dont even know if I want. But should I get involved with someone like that if it picks at old scars?
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So sadly I don't think I actually have any relevant advice to give TC, but I wanted to commend you on being honest with yourself about which parts of the situation were hers and which parts were from your own reactions/hangups :)

Pics?

DAWKlNS_RETURNS posted...

Pics?

I agree with hoth here, in that pics would help in formulating relevant advice.
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I was gonna give an opinion but you wrote way too much man
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No pics?
No advice!
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So much drama. Just keep it as it is so you can keep being dramatic.
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ImTheMacheteGuy posted...

DAWKlNS_RETURNS posted...

Pics?

I agree with hoth here, in that pics would help in formulating relevant advice.

I'm Dawkins.

I think you shouldn't go for her. If she wanted it to be more serious, she would've hinted at it. You will only hurt yourself if you keep pursuing her in that way. But I do believe that you shouldn't close your heart to the prospect of a serious relationship, it can be a very rewarding experience, if both you and the girl are committed to it, and truly in love with one another.
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As long as you are aware you can get hurt and you can deal with it then go for it, but it sounds like you dont so be friends with her and tell her the truth and move on and find someone who wont play games with you.
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I think you two need to have a sit down and talk about what you're looking for. If she wants to "see" other people while you're in the feeling out/up stage, then at least you know and can invest whatever appropriate amount of time in her you see fit.

If you're not willing to have that chat, then I'd say bounce out. It doesn't sound like you're ready for something extremely casual, whoch is what this sounds like to me.

Also. I can't help but think this is just a parody topic and you're acting as Anakin, based on your username, haha.
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Bullet_Wing posted...

DAWKlNS_RETURNS posted...

ImTheMacheteGuy posted...

DAWKlNS_RETURNS posted...

Pics?

I agree with hoth here, in that pics would help in formulating relevant advice.

I'm suspended, so even though I'm Hoth, it would also make sense for me to be Dawkins, because I would be suspended either way.

Yes, we know

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That Chad did some pounding

Eat More Beef posted...

I think you two need to have a sit down and talk about what you're looking for. If she wants to "see" other people while you're in the feeling out/up stage, then at least you know and can invest whatever appropriate amount of time in her you see fit.

If you're not willing to have that chat, then I'd say bounce out. It doesn't sound like you're ready for something extremely casual, whoch is what this sounds like to me.

Less of an issue with seeing other people, though I think thats pre-sex shit, and more of an issue with bouncing while were out and talking about going home together. Thats bad news bears, and Ive put up with more than enough of it in my life. Even casually, that shit brings up a lot of painful memories and puts me in a dark place.

And, speaking of, the whole casual sex thing is pure immaturity. You dont have to be exclusive, but its still a situation built on trust, respect, and communication. Im tired of hearing its virtues espoused by people who bounce from relationship to relationship and have no foundation in their life. Ive had successful sex only arrangements, and it was implicitly understood that it was all we were looking for. There was no flavor of the night romance, wed just meet up, talk, fuck, and peace out.
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shockthemonkey posted...

Not all casual relationships are only about sex though. Plenty of people in non-exclusive relationships still go out and have fun together.

Ive also been in that situation for about a year now and weve slowly tapered off to focus on other people. Theres still a difference.
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How old are y'all
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