Current Events > Holy shit, my cousin and his wife abandoned their (15 year-old) son.

(+) Yeah! (+)

Knowledge_King posted...

Ruvan22 posted...

Where would you send a 15 year old that wasn't following the household rule of "don't ever smoke pot"?

With a family member. Maybe a friend's house. Maybe a homeless shelter.

So at 15, you would create a homeless child? Because they smoked pot?

Ruvan22 posted...

Knowledge_King posted...

Ruvan22 posted...

Where would you send a 15 year old that wasn't following the household rule of "don't ever smoke pot"?

With a family member. Maybe a friend's house. Maybe a homeless shelter.

So at 15, you would create a homeless child? Because they smoked pot?

Not necessarily that reason. But if that's a dealbreaker for the parent...

Is that a dealbreaker for me? Not sure. But again, your house your rules needs to apply somewhat.
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I hope she ends up regretting this choice and that he shuns her entirely and she lives the rest of her life not laying eyes on her child again.

Knowledge_King posted...

But again, your house your rules needs to apply somewhat.

Any parent who operates like that is just swinging their dick around.
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I mean, teenagers shouldn't smoke pot. It's one of the only confirmed damaging effects of the drug. He needs to sit down and read the research for himself if he parents can't be bothered to explain it.
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dave_is_slick posted...

Any parent who operates like that is just swinging their dick around.

No, they're expressing their authority and teaching the child what life is like. That's always the case in every situation. The person with the authority makes the rules.
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Knowledge_King posted...

dave_is_slick posted...

Any parent who operates like that is just swinging their dick around.

No, they're expressing their authority and teaching the child what life is like. That's always the case in every situation. The person with the authority makes the rules.

Haha, no. The one with authority, if they actually know how to use it, is open to suggestions. My dad eventually learned that.
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Knowledge_King posted...

dave_is_slick posted...

Any parent who operates like that is just swinging their dick around.

No, they're expressing their authority and teaching the child what life is like. That's always the case in every situation. The person with the authority makes the rules.

This is the logic that child abusers (and domestic abusers in general) use. It's not a blanket "my house my rules" As a parent you're responsible for raising your child properly and humanely. The fact that the latter needs to be said to you is making it feel like my initial assumption was correct.
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The latest as of today: My aunt is still here (today was my grandpa's last day of radiation treatment), but apparently my cousin went to the uncle's house and collectively my uncle and cousin were both trash talking my aunt (AKA, my cousin's own mom and my uncle's ex-wife), as well as said that my cousin's son "has always been weird, even as a baby", and evidently are planning to try to send him off to some sort of foster home or mental institution. My aunt is still planning to sue for custody, but she's now worried that they're going to send the son off before she returns.

I don't know what the trash talking entailed, but what I've heard is that they were talking about her "as if she were a dog", which sounds terrible, especially for my cousin to be saying about his own mother just because she took in the son that he abandoned.

On a totally unrelated note, my other cousin, who lives down here, had her house broken into today. I feel really terrible for my aunt in all of this, as her grandson is being abandoned, her son is treating her like absolute shit, and her daughter was just robbed, all while her dad is still fighting off lung cancer (though, he's thankfully recovering overall, so hopefully things are looking up on that front) and she's trying to help plan and pay for her daughter's wedding. Everyone in my family is pretty stressed right now, but my aunt in particular is under an insane amount of pressure right now.
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They sound unstable as hell.
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Tc, there is one good thing I've seen with this; and that's how the rest of the family seems to have rallied around your aunt and her grandson. At least she has a support network made up of you and the same parts of your family, that has to count for something.
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sounds like they want him out of the picture so they can smoke his pot

Blitz4532 posted...

Tc, there is one good thing I've seen with this; and that's how the rest of the family seems to have rallied around your aunt and her grandson. At least she has a support network made up of you and the same parts of your family, that has to count for something.

Yeah, for sure. I've always been really close with my aunt and my cousin (her daughter, not her son who I don't care if I never see again at this stage), and my mom and grandparents are all behind her as much as they can be.

Honestly, I wonder if she'll end up moving down to MO from PA at this point. She was mostly staying up there to be around her grandkids, but one of them is getting disowned (and she's going to try for custody), and it sounds like she'll be unlikely to get to see her granddaughters again with how my cousin is acting. Meanwhile, her parents, sister, niece/nephew, and daughter all live in MO. If things pan out as they seem to be going, I could see her just moving down here for good.
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Thats abandonment and they can get prosecuted for it.
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Probably isn't the first time he's fucked over his parents. Money has probably gone missing, if they smoke some cigs too. If I had the nerve to steal when I was younger by tar I'd get the H beat out of me.

He's lucky they didn't just outright murder him for smoking that weed. People have died for way less, for walking on the carpet with their shoes!
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Pics of the wife plz
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dave_is_slick posted...

Haha, no. The one with authority, if they actually know how to use it, is open to suggestions. My dad eventually learned that.

Sometimes. Sometimes they aren't. And part of growing up is learning to adapt to that.

I'm not saying parents shouldn't be open to suggestions, but somethings are non-negotiable. Just like in life with the law or a boss or a landlord, etc.

CProtectionSvce posted...

This is the logic that child abusers (and domestic abusers in general) use.

Well that's a stretch in logic. Just because terrible people use something doesn't make it terrible.

It is in fact a thing that living in someone's house means you follow their rules. And if their rules are unfair you leave. As a child growing up, you stay within the rules and then leave when you're grown/can. It's basics.

And if they're abusers, well everyone agrees they're terrible and the law literally is such that they'll get in trouble if reported/found out (in theory).
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So nobody in your family can drive him to school?
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Knowledge_King posted...

dave_is_slick posted...

Any parent who operates like that is just swinging their dick around.

No, they're expressing their authority and teaching the child what life is like. That's always the case in every situation. The person with the authority makes the rules.

Please don't have children
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Knowledge_King posted...

Well that's a stretch in logic. Just because terrible people use something doesn't make it terrible.

It is in fact a thing that living in someone's house means you follow their rules. And if their rules are unfair you leave. As a child growing up, you stay within the rules and then leave when you're grown/can. It's basics.

And if they're abusers, well everyone agrees they're terrible and the law literally is such that they'll get in trouble if reported/found out (in theory).

No, that is common sense. Parents have a responsibility to provide and care for their children and that is both a moral and legal responsibility that trumps the "my house my rules" concept you idealize so much. The fact that you prioritize the latter over the former speaks about the type of person you are.
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dotsdfe posted...

-Apparently it was more due to fighting than specifically the pot, but the pot was the final straw that caused them to kick him out.

Fighting with who? If pot was the final straw, what else has he been getting up to? Are there other children in the picture? (you mentioned granddaughters) Is he a danger/potential danger to the rest of the family? What else have they tried in the past? Therapy, counselling, law enforcement?

I don't agree with what your cousin did, but there might be more to the story than we're getting here.
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They sound like Jehovah's Witness parents.
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Dorfl_2 posted...

dotsdfe posted...

-Apparently it was more due to fighting than specifically the pot, but the pot was the final straw that caused them to kick him out.

Fighting with who? If pot was the final straw, what else has he been getting up to? Are there other children in the picture? (you mentioned granddaughters) Is he a danger/potential danger to the rest of the family? What else have they tried in the past? Therapy, counselling, law enforcement?

I don't agree with what your cousin did, but there might be more to the story than we're getting here.

Per everything I've heard, it's just a lot of arguing.

The background that I've heard is that their family moved away from their old home over the past summer. In the process, they left behind their family (both sets of grandparents, mostly) and friends, and moved into a remote house in the mountains. When they did so, the cousin's son got really irritable and argued with his mom in particular quite a bit, because he didn't want to move. According to my aunt and what she knows, there hasn't been any physical violence involved.

I don't think he'd ever hurt either of his sisters. He gets along really well with them. The last time I saw the kid, which was a year and a half or so ago, he was helping a lot with the youngest daughter (a year and a half old at the time), and while he'd argue with his other sister (7 years old or so, at the time), it wasn't anything beyond typical brother/sister arguments, and they'd get along otherwise. My aunt and other cousin have both attested to the fact that he loves his sisters and would never hurt them, and neither has heard a word about something like that happening. I don't think that he's a danger to the rest of the family.

As for what else they've tried, I haven't heard anything, but I'm not positive there.
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Hopefully CPA takes him away and puts him in a home where he can smoke all the weed he wants. Seems like a win/win situation for both sides.
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tbh sounds like it's better for the kid that way, assuming the aunt doesn't just dump him into foster care.
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Knowledge_King posted...

Well if it's actual abandonment, yeah. Hence I need more time to pass. It could just be kicking him out of the house which is similar but less abrupt/shocking as they know what's going on.

You can't kick a minor out of the house. You can't even kick adults out of the house without proper eviction paperwork. The only way to remove a minor from a property is to evict their parents/legal guardians
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BewmHedshot posted...

tbh sounds like it's better for the kid that way, assuming the aunt doesn't just dump him into foster care.

Doubtful. He's 15 years old and she's probably his grandma.

It's a bit too late for Foster care
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Complete_Idi0t posted...

It's too late to save him. Once the pot virus gets into his system it's impossible to cure and easily transmitted. Unfortunately it's the only way to be sure you won't get infected.

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EpicKingdom_ posted...

Why the fuck are you talking about this shit for here? Go do something about it.

What the fuck is wrong with you?
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that's really sad. the aunt sounds cool and everyone else especially the dad sound like assholes tbh. he's probably better off with her
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The parents could be criminally charged for that, and they should be.
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Put his parents in check and let them know they're doing a mediocre if not bad job of parenting

You don't just forget and abandon somebody because of one mistake. Doesn't matter how strict your expectations and standards are for your son. That's not right, it says a lot to the son too. All in all, terrible thing to do to a kid
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EpicKingdom_ posted...

Why the fuck are you talking about this shit for here? Go do something about it.

Hey man, he got 4 people to cheerlead him and agree that it's bad

Very helpful in the long term
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Type up an anonymous letter and mail it to them.

Letter:

What you're doing is not only wrong, it's illegal. [Your aunt] is in no position to take care of your child for you, and several of us have decided that we're going to report this to the CPS if you don't fix this immediately. You have until [date].
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SpiralDrift posted...

Type up an anonymous letter and mail it to them.

Letter:

What you're doing is not only wrong, it's illegal. [Your aunt] is in no position to take care of your child for you, and several of us have decided that we're going to report this to the CPS if you don't fix this immediately. You have until [date].

that's hella illegal lmao
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catboy0_0 posted...

SpiralDrift posted...

Type up an anonymous letter and mail it to them.

Letter:

What you're doing is not only wrong, it's illegal. [Your aunt] is in no position to take care of your child for you, and several of us have decided that we're going to report this to the CPS if you don't fix this immediately. You have until [date].

that's hella illegal lmao

Is it? Well that's why he should do it anonymously. Plus if they told the police about it they'd basically be turning themselves in.
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everybody itt.... hes not a kid hes 15 and probably not the first issue that has come up with him. too old to put up for adoption probably and they are sick of his shit.
me amd my girl are about to have her middle child sent away pr become a ward of the state too. there is no helping some kids and you can't allow one child to destroy literally everything and ruin the lives of the family. you all assume too much, there is probably a list of issues with that young man
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GasMonkey posted...

hes not a kid hes 15

umm
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GoodOlJr posted...

EpicKingdom_ posted...

Why the fuck are you talking about this shit for here? Go do something about it.

Hey man, he got 4 people to cheerlead him and agree that it's bad

Very helpful in the long term

If there was something that I could realistically do about it, I would do it, but there really isn't. If something happens and my aunt can't take him in, or there's something that I'm needed for, I'd certainly volunteer. But given that they're halfway across the country and that my aunt seems to be taking the appropriate steps in pursuing custody, there isn't really a lot that I can specifically do for the time being.

I said upfront that it's a bit of a blogfaqs topic, but it's a pretty stressful situation and one that I needed to vent about. Not being able to do much is part of the frustration.
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GasMonkey posted...

everybody itt.... hes not a kid hes 15 and probably not the first issue that has come up with him. too old to put up for adoption probably and they are sick of his shit.
me amd my girl are about to have her middle child sent away pr become a ward of the state too. there is no helping some kids and you can't allow one child to destroy literally everything and ruin the lives of the family. you all assume too much, there is probably a list of issues with that young man

What do u think the age of consent should be

Kitt posted...

monkmith posted...

call the cops, its illegal to abandon your children.

For real, do this.

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Talk about Drama-Rama
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The parents are fucking up by preventing him from going to school.
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Kineth posted...

The parents are fucking up by preventing him from going to school.

they're fucking up in more ways than that
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GasMonkey posted...

everybody itt.... hes not a kid hes 15 and probably not the first issue that has come up with him. too old to put up for adoption probably and they are sick of his shit.
me amd my girl are about to have her middle child sent away pr become a ward of the state too. there is no helping some kids and you can't allow one child to destroy literally everything and ruin the lives of the family. you all assume too much, there is probably a list of issues with that young man

You and your girl are failures as parents. Go ahead and send off the middle child. Give up and tell yourself you've done everything you could.

There are two possibilities. Your post is a joke or you are.

So....about those pics of the wife...
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****, a kid I went to high school with ran away from his parents to live with his 25yo gf and now they're successful and happily married with like three kids.

I really can't imagine parents doing the abandoning though.
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TheMikh posted...

*, a kid I went to high school with ran away from his parents to live with his 25yo gf

How... How old was this dude?
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dave_is_slick posted...

TheMikh posted...

*, a kid I went to high school with ran away from his parents to live with his 25yo gf

How... How old was this dude?

16 or 17 iirc
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dotsdfe posted...

Well, apparently their son got caught smoking some pot, so they took him to my aunt's house (3-4 hours away from them) last week and left him there, then cut off all communication with my aunt

That's a really shitty thing to do to the aunt.
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