Current Events > Girl I'm seeing can't have sex because she was sexually assaulted

(+) Yeah! (+)

I like her a lot but she can't go past second base right now due to the mental trauma. She was assaulted like 6-7 years ago and has gotten much better since then, but still hasn't been able to have sex. What would you do CE?

Wait until she's ready.

If you truly care for her youll wait however long it takes for her to be ready.

If sex is your motivation find someone else.
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Personally I'd dump her, but I am an asshole so you probably shouldn't do that
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Respect how she processes and views sexuality and go from there.
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Tryhaptaward posted...

Wait until she's ready.

This, and also ask her if there's anything you could do to make her feel more comfortable or safe during intimacy.
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7 years and she still won't have sex with anyone. I'd dump her and move on. Life too short when there are so many other women out there.
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Personally, I'd probably break it off until she was in better state of mind. While you shouldnt pressure her, you're not obligated to wait it out either
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I'd avoid anything serious with her personally. Without intimacy its doubtful most relationship like this would last if she doeasnt overcome her trauma fast enough.

Idk what her feelings toward you are exactly tc but expecting most guys to completely cut off the sex for her is a unrealistic dream no matter how you look at it.

Maybe intimacy toward woman though would help her toward healing?
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Get a side bitch.
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QuantumTheory posted...

If you truly care for her youll wait however long it takes for her to be ready.

If sex is your motivation find someone else.

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QuantumTheory posted...

If you truly care for her youll wait however long it takes for her to be ready.

If sex is your motivation find someone else.

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Speaking from personal experience, without regular sex, relationships are near utterly pointless.
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Prismsblade posted...

I'd avoid anything serious with her personally. Without intimacy its doubtful most relationship like this would last if she doeasnt overcome her trauma fast enough.

Idk what her feelings toward you are exactly tc but expecting most guys to completely cut off the sex for her is a unrealistic dream no matter how you look at it.

Maybe intimacy toward woman though would help her toward healing?

Great way to go from sexual assault to lesbianism. Next youll be suggesting MFF.
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Unless you're all into this, like, with intention to retire with her, feast or famine, just break it off now.
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If TC returns I have two questions for you...

How old are both of you?
How long have you been together?
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Guide posted...

Unless you're all into this, like, with intention to retire with her, feast or famine, just break it off now.

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Here will be the sad possibility though. You'll wait for her until she's ready. You'll be super supportive for her. But she'll be able to tell that she is hurting you. So she will break up with you because she's can't have sex. You'll find out two or three weeks later that she's already sleeping with a new guy she just started to date.
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Lebronwon posted...

If TC returns I have two questions for you...

How old are both of you?
How long have you been together?

26

A little over a month. Not official yet but we've spent a handful of nights together and she's open to something more serious.

SpriteLimit posted...

Personally I'd dump her, but I am an asshole so you probably shouldn't do that

Lebronwon posted...

7 years and she still won't have sex with anyone. I'd dump her and move on. Life too short when there are so many other women out there.

FrisbeeDude posted...

Personally, I'd probably break it off until she was in better state of mind. While you shouldnt pressure her, you're not obligated to wait it out either

All this^

If you're 'seeing her' but you two aren't, and can't, have sex... then you're practically just friends.

Are you saying you can do other things besides sex, or does she stop you at making out (if you can even go that far)?
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umax555 posted...

Lebronwon posted...

If TC returns I have two questions for you...

How old are both of you?
How long have you been together?

26

A little over a month. Not official yet but we've spent a handful of nights together and she's open to something more serious.

Definitely get out. If it had been something longer I could understand sticking it out but you only know her a month. Run away bro.
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Does she care if you seek out sex other places?
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TC it may not be the right option for you and that doesn't make you a bad person it that's the case.

It may be best for her to not date till she's dealt with her issues and sorted them out. Why bring all of that to a new relationship?
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Has seen a professional about this? It sounds like it may benefit her to talk to a professional about this since it's already been 7 years and she still is traumatized by her assault.
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Sex isn't everything, despite what some people say. If you really care about her, stick it out and be there for her.
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She has things she needs to work through and isn't ready for a relationship. You should be friends with her. Is she going to therapy?
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Mr_Karate_II posted...

Sex isn't everything, despite what some people say. If you really care about her, stick it out and be there for her.

Yeah, but if you're someone with a sex drive that needs the stimulation then it's gonna come out in your tone if you can't satisfy that.

I think it's selfish to not have sex with the person you're in a relationship with and expect them to just accept a sexless life. Even when the circumstances are fucked up. You should care about the person you're with enough to not want to take sex away from them completely
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QuantumTheory posted...

Prismsblade posted...

I'd avoid anything serious with her personally. Without intimacy its doubtful most relationship like this would last if she doeasnt overcome her trauma fast enough.

Idk what her feelings toward you are exactly tc but expecting most guys to completely cut off the sex for her is a unrealistic dream no matter how you look at it.

Maybe intimacy toward woman though would help her toward healing?

Great way to go from sexual assault to lesbianism. Next youll be suggesting MFF.

Idk, if that happened to me I might feel more safe having another woman in the room, seeing how comfortable she is doing sexual things. But I don't recommend even thinking about asking her about that, could veeeeery easily end badly for ya lol.
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Some fully and completely stupid shit in this topic.
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What would be really fucked up but quite possible is that she wants dick from everyone else except you so she sells you that BS story.
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First thing that I consider is it's already been 6-7 years and she isn't really close. Can you stick it out and maintain a healthy relationship if it takes 3+ more years? Are you capable of getting close, having her change her mind in an instant, and not get frustrated or irritated with the situation, while trying to remain supportive?

It depends on what kind of person you are and how much you can tolerate, how patient you are, and that's what you need to consider also.
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Maybe see if she's open to non-monogamy? If you want to be with her but gotta satisfy those sexual urges, seeing other people (ethically) could be a decent middle ground.
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Pretty sure she is just gonna be broken for life, tbh. If she's made so very little progress for seven years and is already 26 it doesn't seem like she will ever be in a position to fully enjoy sex again. You might just get some awkward duty sex out of her once in a while and that's it. Who knows when or if that'll happen before the relationship goes sour.

I wouldn't do it unless I was totally undateable/unfuckable and had literally no other options (because then what have you really got to lose right?)
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3 "good" options imo

1.) open relationship
2.) accept it and know it could take a while/forever
3.) leave her now and find what you want

Lebronwon posted...

7 years and she still won't have sex with anyone. I'd dump her and move on. Life too short when there are so many other women out there.

This. Especially since you've only been seeing her a month. If she is still this traumatized 7 years later, then she needs some serious therapy at best.

Lost_All_Senses posted...

I think it's selfish to not have sex with the person you're in a relationship with and expect them to just accept a sexless life. Even when the circumstances are fucked up. You should care about the person you're with enough to not want to take sex away from them completely

Could not agree more.

Maybe she needs to find someone who is asexual.

The people in this topic who automatically assume that their girlfriends are sleeping around if she hasnt put out after a month of dating need to stfu. You guys arent fit to give any sort of relationship advice.
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Suggest "revenge roleplay" and see where it goes.

Tryhaptaward posted...

Wait until she's ready.

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Mr_Karate_II posted...

Sex isn't everything, despite what some people say. If you really care about her, stick it out and be there for her.

Im going with this. Sex is one component to a relationship. If its the most important one for you, Id suggest leaving
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Does she have long black hair
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Girl, bye.
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QuantumTheory posted...

If you truly care for her youll wait however long it takes for her to be ready.

If sex is your motivation find someone else.

This

open relationships are invariably a terrible idea
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If her dramatic ass dont give it up in a week, dump her
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FrisbeeDude posted...

Personally, I'd probably break it off until she was in better state of mind. While you shouldnt pressure her, you're not obligated to wait it out either

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That's a lot of baggage. It's okay to not be able to handle it. Assault is a horrific thing
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Move on simply because it's been several years.
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FrisbeeDude posted...

Personally, I'd probably break it off until she was in better state of mind. While you shouldnt pressure her, you're not obligated to wait it out either

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