Current Events > could you be friends with someone who oppose gay marriage?

(+) Yeah! (+)

all this anger towards ellie got me thinking. could you be friends with someone who thinks marriage should solely be between a man and a woman?

Or is that a deal breaker?
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Definitely not.

My girlfriend thinking being gay is a choice is enough to deal with.
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EffectAndCause posted...

My girlfriend thinking being gay is a choice

This means she's attracted to women...you have some opportunities here
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Sure but I would try to change their mind if possible.
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no
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To answer the question, it depends how obnoxious they are about it. If they generally keep their opinion to themselves, or politely agree to disagree with others, I really don't gaf.
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all marriage is gay
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no
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Sure. I personally don't care who wants to get married and if they do, who cares? Spoiler alert, jsut because people have different views that you don't agree with doesn't mean you can't be friends, work together, be civil. This is obviously a worthless view if they are opening aggressive or violent.
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Hmmm...
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PIITB415 posted...

Sure. I personally don't care who wants to get married and if they do, who cares? Spoiler alert, jsut because people have different views that you don't agree with doesn't mean you can't be friends, work together, be civil. This is obviously a worthless view if they are opening aggressive or violent.

Sometimes differing views matter. Not always, but sometimes, and it depends on the individual. The context as to why that person has that view matters and would determine if I could be friends with them.
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Holy_Pumpkin posted...

PIITB415 posted...

Sure. I personally don't care who wants to get married and if they do, who cares? Spoiler alert, jsut because people have different views that you don't agree with doesn't mean you can't be friends, work together, be civil. This is obviously a worthless view if they are opening aggressive or violent.

Sometimes differing views matter. Not always, but sometimes, and it depends on the individual. The context as to why that person has that view matters and would determine if I could be friends with them.

there's also a big difference between shitty harmful political views and "different views that you don't agree with"
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EndOfDiscOne posted...

EffectAndCause posted...

My girlfriend thinking being gay is a choice

This means she's attracted to women...you have some opportunities here

Shit, I could spin this, youre right.

My usual response is If being gay was a choice, fucking NOBODY would choose it. Everyone would rather have an easy, universally accepted hetero life.
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EndOfDiscOne posted...

To answer the question, it depends how obnoxious they are about it. If they generally keep their opinion to themselves, or politely agree to disagree with others, I really don't gaf.

Fuck no. I'd drop them like a hot potato.
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No. The only people who oppose gay marriage are religious nuts and i don't see myself been friend with any of them

averagejoel posted...

Holy_Pumpkin posted...

PIITB415 posted...

Sure. I personally don't care who wants to get married and if they do, who cares? Spoiler alert, jsut because people have different views that you don't agree with doesn't mean you can't be friends, work together, be civil. This is obviously a worthless view if they are opening aggressive or violent.

Sometimes differing views matter. Not always, but sometimes, and it depends on the individual. The context as to why that person has that view matters and would determine if I could be friends with them.

there's also a big difference between shitty harmful political views and "different views that you don't agree with"

That's true, but I'd still be a lot more willing to have a cordial relationship with someone who held a harmful political view because they're ignorant and don't truly mean any harm and could be swayed as opposed to someone who is zealously brainwashed and act out on their views.

If someone opposes gay marriage for whatever reason that I would disagree with as someone who is in favor of gay marriage, I'd still be willing to be their friend if it was for example some religious bullshit they seemed to be indoctrinated into but still treat gay people cordially and with respect. Of course I would hope to bring them perspective and be happy if they changed their views over time with my influence.

If someone else opposes gay marriage and routinely acts like gay people in general are just crazy people they don't want to associate with and should be treated as lesser than humans because of their degeneracy, then fuck them.
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could you be friends with someone who oppose gay marriage?

Ironically enough, yes, but the situation is often one where my company is not aware that I am gay myself.

I'm a gay man who has been unconventionally friends with and currently still is on amicable terms with individuals who would not approve of my gay lifestyle, nor gay marriage. Of course they're also not aware of my homosexuality. It's a risky dance, but I'm good at it. I had to be.

And it's not entirely an uncommon experience for the average American homosexual who grew up under less supportive conditions (like heavily religious rural towns or impoverished city ghettos where being noticeably different is a liability). Occasionally acting straight to avoid persecution is an unintentional tradition for many of us, even now. Pockets of bigotry still live strong regardless of institutionalized pro-gay rhetoric, standards and PSAs. There's still incentive for us to hide in certain environments where those protections don't adequately reach...

That does not mean we're totally incapable of also learning to adapt and live well under such limiting conditions. It's just not ideal to do 24/7 and eventually we need to come up for air (in places where we can openly express our sexuality). Sometimes that can lead to peculiar socializing for the more daring of us that typically would not be possible if everything was out in the open. This has allowed me to occasionally befriend someone bigoted towards LGBTQ folk, yet who were still entertaining company with favorable qualities I could experience. It's like swimming with sharks who are unaware you're prey. It can be oddly fun and occasionally beneficial (although I would not recommend it to everyone).

That being said, I've had some complicated truces and company in my lifetime. I've got a good poker face and I'm not a stranger to walking close to the fire. I also do not see things as black and white, but rather shades of gray for the sake of true clarity. Because it's that clarity that prevents me from being burned while walking outside of safe spaces.

Funny fact: there's actually a notable number of out gay people who are opposed to gay marriage not out of internalized bigotry, but because they disagree with the concept of marriage entirely. They see it as a heteronormative standard that the LGBTQ communities do not need for fulfillment. To put it bluntly: they see the institution of marriage as toxic...
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Hell no

Sometimes that can lead to peculiar socializing for the more daring of us that typically would not be possible if everything was out in the open. This has allowed me to occasionally befriend someone bigoted towards LGBTQ folk, yet who were still entertaining company with favorable qualities I could experience. It's like swimming with sharks who are unaware you're prey. It can be oddly fun and occasionally beneficial (although I would not recommend it to everyone).

You're a stronger person than me. I try to avoid people who are anti-LGBT unless I don't have a choice.
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Yes, but only if its something they keep to themselves. I dont really think bad thoughts need to define someone unless they step over an edge into like the outspoken homophobe, white supremacist, etc area where you can no longer just say they might change.

Yes, of course I could and indeed already have friends who oppose gay marriage (and gay adoption).

I disagree with them but they have the right to their opinion.
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vocedelmorte posted...

No. The only people who oppose gay marriage are religious nuts and i don't see myself been friend with any of them

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im gay so why the hell would i be friends with a homophobe
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ClockworkHare posted...

Funny fact: there's actually a notable number of out gay people who are opposed to gay marriage not out of internalized bigotry, but because they disagree with the concept of marriage entirely.

i never got this argument

"i dont like it therefore it should be illegal" is pretty selfish.
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Guns_of_Verdun posted...

ClockworkHare posted...

Funny fact: there's actually a notable number of out gay people who are opposed to gay marriage not out of internalized bigotry, but because they disagree with the concept of marriage entirely.

i never got this argument

"i dont like it therefore it should be illegal" is pretty selfish.

that isn't the argument
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Guns_of_Verdun posted...

ClockworkHare posted...

Funny fact: there's actually a notable number of out gay people who are opposed to gay marriage not out of internalized bigotry, but because they disagree with the concept of marriage entirely.

i never got this argument

"i dont like it therefore it should be illegal" is pretty selfish.

Most of them I've met were not actually making that argument. They just did not agree with the concept of marriage in general. They were not actively protesting gay marriage, just choosing not to participate nor promote it. It does not make much sense for those opposed to the idea of marriage to be obligated to cheer it on for others.

As someone who's personally turned down 3 marriage proposals and have been quite satisfied with my committed partner of 4 years, I could see part of their point. I, however, did participate in local events to promote LGBTQ marriage rights for the benefit of my friends who wanted it. While I got a nice feeling from contributing for the sake of others that way, I still did not see it as an obligation for being a good person. I never shamed or pressured any of my LGBTQ peers who showed apathy towards the issue. They had a lot on their plates already.
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nah
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No, I don't want to be friends with bigots.
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hyperpsycho posted...

Sometimes that can lead to peculiar socializing for the more daring of us that typically would not be possible if everything was out in the open. This has allowed me to occasionally befriend someone bigoted towards LGBTQ folk, yet who were still entertaining company with favorable qualities I could experience. It's like swimming with sharks who are unaware you're prey. It can be oddly fun and occasionally beneficial (although I would not recommend it to everyone).

You're a stronger person than me. I try to avoid people who are anti-LGBT unless I don't have a choice.

Ironically I can put up with hanging around someone who's anti-gay (provided they don't know i'm gay). I've had some unexpectedly worthwhile experiences and connections doing that. Some of these were bizarrely comical to the point my friends crack jokes about it now. Given the potential awkwardness and risk, I would not promote this as something all gay people should do. Far from it. I'm just gifted at it.

The type of active or passive bigotry I found I could not tolerate in such a way within my social circles was actually racism. No matter how awesome the company was otherwise, I would have to give them up once they were casually outspoken about their racist views. I just have a low endurance for witnessing racial bigotry. It's an inevitable dealbreaker for me. One that I'm willing to forgive if the person makes amends and changes their ways. Sadly that's been a rarity.
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I feel like id get annoyed by it after awhile.
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DeathDeathSong posted...

im gay so why the hell would i be friends with a homophobe

Opposition to gay marriage is not the same as homophobia.
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lol yes it is
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Sure I dont see why not. As long as you arent up Im my fave about it then I dont care. Thats like saying you cant be friends with someone of a different political party or Religion
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They're allowed to feel how they wanna feel.
As long as they don't bring it up all the time then I wouldn't care.
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hell nah
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Yes. I'm tolerant of differing opinions and viewpoints.
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DeathDeathSong posted...

lol yes it is

Don't reply to RealDill. It's not worth it.
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hyperpsycho posted...

DeathDeathSong posted...

lol yes it is

Don't reply to RealDill. It's not worth it.

RealDill is a liberal intentionally pretending to agree with terrible things
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Do I think gay people should be allowed to get married? Yeah. But I don't think the state can force to have to marry gay couples if the church doesn't want to.