Current Events > Question for those of you who faced bullying when you were in school.......?

(+) Yeah! (+)

If your bullies wanted to apologize to you today, would you accept most of their apologies'?
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bump
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I'd only accept apologies in the form of cash
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Probably. Holding onto that stuff is bad news. I have more issues with the night I was jumped by a gang of cowardly frat bros who got away scot free.
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Most definitely. I understand hurt people hurt people and that kids are assholes. Im
not perfect myself.
I was horribly bullied as a kid and my advice to everyone who uses it as a motivation to get better and improve your life-thats great. Do it. But Eventually that motivation will wane when youve seen that you are way better than that and those who hurt you switch your motivation to showing the kids who are being bullied and hurt that it gets better and they can do anything they put their minds too. Do it for them. Not out of spite.

If anyone wants to talk about it Id love to help. Feel free to PM me any time. It gets better. Dont give up

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Imagine internalizing something so insignificant for so many years lmaooo

I'd probably be like "yeah, fine, it's okay," if only to get the situation over with. I haven't seen any of them in years, and likely won't see them again in the future, so I don't feel as if accepting their apology in a genuine manner actually matters.

If they wanted to take things a step further and become friends, well, then I'd have an issue.
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Conflict posted...

Crash posted...

Was gonna say no, but I like this idea:

gunplagirl posted...

I'd only accept apologies in the form of cash

Why on Earth should I let them get away with treating me badly? What, just do they can "feel better" and clear their conscience? Give me a break. People who bully others deserve nothing but lives of endless misery.

It sounds to me like you're not open to the idea that people can change for the better

if they have changed for the better, then they should legitimately feel bad for what they did and try to make amends. cash is one way of making amends.
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Yes, but that is not something I would demand of anybody else. Forgiveness is good for the soul when it is feasible, but it is not for everyone or every situation.

My situation is strange in a couple of ways. One of those ways is that I went cyclic: after a period where things got particularly bad, I learned to take the same kind of sadistic entertainment from tormenting others that people were taking from tormenting me. It would be several years before I came to my senses about this. I choose to forgive because I have relevant sins of my own to atone for. That's not something that applies to everybody.
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I was the bully, and apologized to anyone I could remember who I made feel like shit. Was hard
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I honestly really hope my bully is dead I hated him back then and I still hate him now. No amount of begging will ever make me look back on that and decide to forgive them.
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The only real bully I had ended having a shit life and OD'd a few years ago so ehhh
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Conflict posted...

Expecting cash payouts for shit that happened in school honestly borders on infantile

You don't have to forgive your bullies, and I empathize with people who are traumatized from them, but... cash? Lol.

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Of course. We were just dumb kids, and they probably had shit going on in their lives that led them to do what they did. Plus, clinging to resentment doesnt do me any good.
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No. I'll carry that shit with me for the rest of my life, so they can too.

Yes I'm bitter, sue me.
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Conflict posted...

Expecting cash payouts for shit that happened in school honestly borders on infantile

You don't have to forgive your bullies, and I empathize with people who are traumatized from them, but... cash? Lol.

it doesn't seem like anyone in here is actually expecting cash. they're just not accepting apologies unless they come with cash
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I don't really care. I moved on ages ago. I don't even remember the names of anyone who bullied me when I was a kid. But that was 20+ years ago.
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i had a bully once. but i had to apologize to him cause i broke his nose. so i guess this doesn't really apply to me.
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I'm not actually expecting money. Just like I'm not actually expecting any of my bullies to have changed. The best apology is changed behavior. But that means nothing with people I have zero intention of ever dealing with again.

And if they seek me out and ignore the harm they've done just to try and feel better about themselves by saying sorry without actually taking any other action to make amends? Fuck them, they aren't sorry I'm any way that even tries to make up for what they did, I don't need to know some bully realized what they did was wrong. Know what I do need though? To keep living my life with all the years of bullshit and fuckery that I had to deal with and resolve and work on.

The years of abuse and trauma that I've been working on just to get to a zero sum game. Believe me, therapy and meditation have done great in my life. But not having that abuse thrown back in my face is part of what helps me not break down again.

So yeah, if they track me down to reach out and apologize, I don't give a fuck, I'm asking for money because that would actually help me. Knowing that some fucker from back in the day thinks in their self righteous delusions that they're better and saying sorry can help me when I've already been resolving that shit for years? That doesn't help me one damn bit.

Maybe if they do apologize in person I can have them lick the bottom of my shoe instead, and grovel. But otherwise, I won't buy it even if I was in the market for an apology.
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tremain07 posted...

I honestly really hope my bully is dead I hated him back then and I still hate him now. No amount of begging will ever make me look back on that and decide to forgive them.

@tremain07 do you feel like youve let it go though or do you still think about it daily?

harboring hate lets him win man (if you do-not accusing)

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@gunplagirl

why would you stoop to their level though?

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SSMajinVegeta2 posted...

tremain07 posted...

I honestly really hope my bully is dead I hated him back then and I still hate him now. No amount of begging will ever make me look back on that and decide to forgive them.

@tremain07 do you feel like youve let it go though or do you still think about it daily?

harboring hate lets him win man (if you do-not accusing)

I haven't let it go I just haven't thought about him or that in a long time until this topic I'll probably forget it by the end of the week
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bump
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Id tell em there was no need to apologize and laugh the whole thing off. We all done stupid things as a kid.

Sure. There were two that ended up coming into where I worked years ago. One as a regular customer, and one was helping remodel the place later. Neither apologized, but in just treating me like a person I ended up forgiving them. We didn't become friends or anything, but it wasn't bad to see them or talk with them. They really had matured into respectful adults, so I couldn't hold it against them any more.
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Interesting question. I was picked on, but i don't feel it was too bad. I never gave them any thought outside of trying to avoid them at school, and put them out of my mind entirely after I graduated. There's no real hurt feelings or resentment there, so i probably would.
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bumpio
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No. Fuck them and everything they stand for.
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BipBapBam posted...

No. Fuck them and everything they stand for.

everything they stand for?
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It takes alot for an adult to admit they were wrong about something and apologize.

If the apology feels sincere to me, I usually accept it.

That being said, I was bullied alot in school and attended an inner-city school. Most of my classmates came from poor families, including myself. I completely understand the situations most of my bullies were coming from.
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Yeah kids are kids

Nope. They made my life hell from 1st to 7th grade and they can all go fuck right off. Preferably off a rocky cliff.

I've been tackled, put down, had bugs put in my hair, kids thought it was funny to pull girls underwear down for whoever was wearing a dress at the water fountain, ostracized, groped and chased.

Has everyone been an asshole at some point in their lives? Yes. But not everyone whose been an asshole is a bully.
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gunplagirl posted...

I'd only accept apologies in the form of cash

That's weird.

gunplagirl posted...

I'd only accept apologies in the form of cash

They partly owe me therapy after all

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Beating up someone to the point theyre in coma for months (not me, my best friends brother) and have relearn how to walk and speak requires more than just an apology. Hell, the principal that told their mother that it might be best if your sons transfer to another school instead of expelling the bullies should have to do more than just apologize imo.
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A few people in this topic blatantly exhibiting the "eye for an eye" mindset.

The lack of self-awareness is astounding.
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Stagmar posted...

Beating up someone to the point theyre in coma for months (not me, my best friends brother) and have relearn how to walk and speak requires more than just an apology. Hell, the principal that told their mother that it might be best if your sons transfer to another school instead of expelling the bullies should have to do more than just apologize imo.

Lil_Bit83 posted...

Nope. They made my life hell from 1st to 7th grade and they can all go fuck right off. Preferably off a rocky cliff.

I've been tackled, put down, had bugs put in my hair, kids thought it was funny to pull girls underwear down for whoever was wearing a dress at the water fountain, ostracized, groped and chased.

Has everyone been an asshole at some point in their lives? Yes. But not everyone whose been an asshole is a bully.

Oh how awful ):

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Stagmar posted...

Beating up someone to the point theyre in coma for months (not me, my best friends brother) and have relearn how to walk and speak requires more than just an apology. Hell, the principal that told their mother that it might be best if your sons transfer to another school instead of expelling the bullies should have to do more than just apologize imo.

That's horrible. I'm sorry he went through that. School staff is the other reason bullies are allowed to thrive. Lazy fucking bastards.
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didnt get bullied
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Damn_Underscore posted...

A few people in this topic blatantly exhibiting the "eye for an eye" mindset.

The lack of self-awareness is astounding.

When people do you wrong, you want them to get a taste of their own medicine. Its madenning when authority figures ignore the ones who continuosly harm and ignore or blame the ones who get hurt year in and year out.

Your seeming lack of self-awareness and empathy is sadly very typical.
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Lil_Bit83 posted...

Damn_Underscore posted...

A few people in this topic blatantly exhibiting the "eye for an eye" mindset.

The lack of self-awareness is astounding.

Your seeming lack of self-awareness and empathy is sadly very typical.

lmao what is this supposed to mean?

This isn't just an eye for an eye mindset, this is hypothetically imagining a former school bully would actually come back and apologize to you, and you wouldn't accept the apology because he/she wasn't punished enough for his/her actions.

This exact mindset is why prison in American society is still a place for punishment rather than rehabilitation and it is the norm for criminals to get worse in prison.

You are part of the problem.
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I was only "bullied" once, when three guys decided to mock me when my mother had a heart attack. After I handled that, I'd just be fucking shocked that they could stand in front of me without shitting themselves. I'd probably just laugh at them and walk away.
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bumphs
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i don't think it's a reasonable hypothetical, since most bullies have entirely forgotten about their victims

i've put what bullying i experienced behind me--but if one of them came to me and apologized, i expect my reaction would be "okay." i have no interest in absolving guilt, just living my own life
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Yeah

It was middle/high school, I got over it.
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No, they would be doing it for themselves and I dont owe them anything.
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Sackgurl posted...

i don't think it's a reasonable hypothetical, since most bullies have entirely forgotten about their victims

i've put what bullying i experienced behind me--but if one of them came to me and apologized, i expect my reaction would be "okay." i have no interest in absolving guilt, just living my own life

I was on the receiving and giving end of bullying. Granted my bullying was usually in the form of exaggerated retaliation, I still remember many of the more prominent cases and people involved. I remember what Ive done more than I remember things others did to me.