Current Events > AITA for ending a friendship because she made new friends and made 0 time for me

(+) Yeah! (+)

this happened about 3 years ago.

i had a very close group of friends. we loved each other and we cared about each other dearly. i lived with one of them as roommates and even helped her get into grad school, since i had just graduated. i considered her my best friend. she was like a sister to me.

i had just started dating my current fiancee when i noticed she started pulling away from me. she had started grad school and was getting to know all sorts of new people. at first this was fine, she was making new friends, and i had a girlfriend so it made sense we'd see less of each other. but then it became too much. shed ignore my texts, never talk to me at home, etc. she'd come home, talk a bit, and then lock herself in her room and id never see her.

i got frustrated. angry, even. so i figured, if she was going to cut me out, i was going to cut her out. so in those brief moments where she talked to me, i kept it brief and ignored her. after a while she began to notice and suddenly got upset at me.

she confronted me one night and said that i shouldn't be mad at her for not making time for me, which i disagreed with. you should make time for your friends. the argument went on and on and on and i basically told her im done with her.

i stopped talking to her and cut her out of my life entirely. which meant i cut out my other friends in that group of friends too. they never tried to reach out to me or hear my side of the story so i guess she got to them first.

i moved out with my girlfriend and yeah.

Am i the asshole?
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Sounds like you both have differing accounts of what friendship is supposed to be and how yours played out.

Plus the whole fiancee thing...it's not uncommon for some friends to drift away once you start bringing the marriage game into the social circle while they're still flying solo. There's a multitude of reasons singles get turned-off hanging out with their newly engaged friends. This commonly applies to both men and women.

I'm not saying condone it, but it's not a rare phenomena. The whole "best friends forever" deal can be surprisingly conditional. And when those conditions change, which is very typical with life, sometimes it can rip out the foundations in which the friendship existed on. For example, I suspect you getting engaged changed more between you two than you realize...
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Ill be straight up with you. I had to learn this the hard way but friends come and go dude.

People can be friends one time then all of a sudden not care much for you anymore. This has happened to me MANY times.

Unfortunately people just feel that they outgrow you or lose interest. Its probably nothing personal. Time just went on and she just had different preferences.
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you just grew apart
really nothing to stress about. you guys realized you had other things in life that were more important than spending time with each other. that's how it goes.

you could reach out and she would probably be happy to hear from you and see how everything is. if you really cared for her as a friend, you'd probably like to catch up right? doesn't mean you have to talk again like you used to, but why not if you actually did gaf?
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Sounds like there are some unresolved feelings seeing as this all started, by your words, when you started dating your now fiancee. I don't think your friend is going to be honest with herself if you confront her on this.
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wouldn't it be funny if the reason she cut back on spendin time with you is because of all the time you started spending away from her with your new fiancee?
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even if you don't get 100% of the attention you want from a person, you should still be nice when you get 10% of that time. because they're your friend, not family or lover, don't heap obligations on them and become bitter when they're not met. it's good to have friends who don't set ultimatums or demand more time.

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