Current Events > Should a trans person reveal they are trans before a date?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Esrac posted...

Nah, man. If there is something abnormal about you that a reasonable person could believe would put off a potential romantic partner, you should disclose it as soon as is feasible. Being trans is probably one of those things.

If it's that important to you, you should be the one asking.

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OctilIery posted...

No is the only correct option. It is entirely up to them when they reveal it and nobody is owed an answer before they give it.

I mean, in the end it is up to them, sure. But there probably is a time period in which they should let someone know. And if they don't or are purposely"hiding" it... Well why and is that alright
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Garioshi posted...

If it's that important to you, you should be the one asking.

Nah. That's dumb.

They should inform potential partners.

Guns_of_Verdun posted...

Being a minority doesn't make you wrong dude

Most of the world opposes gay rights

Being the majority doesnt make them wrong.

Most of the world isnt against imprisoning criminals.

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malenz posted...

I don't think so. Definitely before sex. I don't know about telling the person unless you vibe with them though.

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Wokebebe posted...

Most people have problematic sexual preferences that they need to change.

If only there was some sort of therapy to convert them. I'm sure we could all be happy then.

Garioshi posted...

Esrac posted...

Nah, man. If there is something abnormal about you that a reasonable person could believe would put off a potential romantic partner, you should disclose it as soon as is feasible. Being trans is probably one of those things.

If it's that important to you, you should be the one asking.

Yeah, like that would ever go over well with a date: "Just to be sure, you weren't born with a penis?"

I'm guessing 99 times out of 100 the date is going to be offended that someone would even considering asking her such a rude question and storm off and permanently block you from all forms of contact.
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Most men only want to date cis women so yes they should.

They're just being shitty and selfish if they don't

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Paragon21XX posted...

Yeah, like that would ever go over well with a date: "Just to be sure, you weren't born with a penis?"

I'm guessing 99 times out of 100 the date is going to be offended that someone would even considering asking her such a rude question and storm off and permanently block you from all forms of contact.

Which is still better than being murdered because your date was "so shocked and disgusted".

Trans people would be a lot more open if doing so didn't come with huge risks.

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Paragon21XX posted...

Yeah, like that would ever go over well with a date: "Just to be sure, you weren't born with a penis?"

I'm guessing 99 times out of 100 the date is going to be offended that someone would even considering asking her such a rude question and storm off and permanently block you from all forms of contact.

So maybe it's not that big of a deal?

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this topic will be no different from the last, lol.

unless perceptions have evolved since the last time. I guess there was enough time to process new info for those who were actually processing
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Umbreon posted...

Which is still better than being murdered because your date was "so shocked and disgusted".

Trans people would be a lot more open if doing so didn't come with huge risks.

Probably a good reason to let people know well before the date then...

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Should be one of the first things known before/during a romantic date for safetys sake. You have no way of predicting whether a person would freak out or not, especially if things get physical.

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If it's just a one time thing, excluding something more intimate, in which case yes, then no. If they don't plan on seeing said person again then it's up to them.

Long term, yes. If you can't be honest with me, lie, or avoid it entirely how do you expect it to go anywhere or last? It doesn't necessarily have to be right at the first conversation, but at least tell me before feelings start to develop. Trust and honesty are important, without either it's not going to last.

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Making a meal for a vegan thats really meat.

Vegan eats it and gets mad when its revealed.

Lol why you mad, you liked it didnt you?

Lots of posters on CE on this topic.

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thanosibe posted...

Making a meal for a vegan thats really meat.

Vegan eats it and gets mad when its revealed.

Lol why you mad, you liked it didnt you?

Lots of posters on CE on this topic.

Plenty of people get exposed when integrity meets agenda.
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Yes, they should. Don't waste people's time.

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thanosibe posted...

Making a meal for a vegan thats really meat.

Vegan eats it and gets mad when its revealed.

Lol why you mad, you liked it didnt you?

Lots of posters on CE on this topic.

Should people with dietary restrictions tell people who might be preparing food for them?

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No.

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Strider102 posted...

If it's just a one time thing, excluding something more intimate, in which case yes, then no. If they don't plan on seeing said person again then it's up to them.

Long term, yes. If you can't be honest with me, lie, or avoid it entirely how do you expect it to go anywhere or last? It doesn't necessarily have to be right at the first conversation, but at least tell me before feelings start to develop. Trust and honesty are important, without either it's not going to last.

Pretty much this. Like, I understand why some might want to delay the talk, but at the end of the day, they're purposely hiding it.

Garioshi posted...

Paragon21XX posted...

Yeah, like that would ever go over well with a date: "Just to be sure, you weren't born with a penis?"

I'm guessing 99 times out of 100 the date is going to be offended that someone would even considering asking her such a rude question and storm off and permanently block you from all forms of contact.

So maybe it's not that big of a deal?

I mean, this whole thing is obviously a hypothetical for the vast majority of people
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Anteaterking posted...

Should people with dietary restrictions tell people who might be preparing food for them?

I understand the point being made here.

But society never tried to kill anyone for being vegetarian/vegan as far as I know.

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Umbreon posted...

Anteaterking posted...

Should people with dietary restrictions tell people who might be preparing food for them?

I understand the point being made here.

But society never tried to kill anyone for being vegetarian/vegan as far as I know.

I don't think introducing an extreme nullifies the very valid point, nor does it have much to do with the topic question. You say you understand, but do you agree?
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DrunkieBrewster posted...

I don't think introducing an extreme nullifies the very valid point. You say you understand, but do you agree?

Is it an extreme, though? I know there's a very high rate of violence against trans people, but what are the odds here?

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Umbreon posted...

I understand the point being made here.

But society never tried to kill anyone for being vegetarian/vegan as far as I know.

I'm just using his analogy. I don't think the two are comparable.

The hard part that I have with the "People have killed people after discovering they were trans" line of argument is that it's victim blaming, especially in a topic where you have people itt who are basically saying "I'm the person who might murder someone if I found out they were trans!"


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Yes, people have been killed over this.

If you want to know something about a person, its on you to ask them.
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Of course. Its their problem if they cant find many guys who are ok with it.

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Anteaterking posted...

I'm just using his analogy. I don't think the two are comparable.

The hard part that I have with the "People have killed people after discovering they were trans" line of argument is that it's victim blaming, especially in a topic where you have people itt who are basically saying "I'm the person who might murder someone if I found out they were trans!"

Point out the posters in the topic saying that.

Guide posted...

DrunkieBrewster posted...

I don't think introducing an extreme nullifies the very valid point. You say you understand, but do you agree?

Is it an extreme, though? I know there's a very high rate of violence against trans people, but what are the odds here?

Murder is an extreme, yes.

There's nothing to gain from discussing this with individuals who can't allow themselves to be human enough to acknowledge a valid argument, though.

Once the goalpost starts moving, it's best to take that as a hint about that person.
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Anteaterking posted...

Umbreon posted...

I understand the point being made here.

But society never tried to kill anyone for being vegetarian/vegan as far as I know.

I'm just using his analogy. I don't think the two are comparable.

The hard part that I have with the "People have killed people after discovering they were trans" line of argument is that it's victim blaming, especially in a topic where you have people itt who are basically saying "I'm the person who might murder someone if I found out they were trans!"

who said that?

and anything can be compared. this intellectual dishonesty is problematic.
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RickyTheBAWSE posted...

who said that?

Nobody. He's full of shit.

PleaseClap posted...

If you want to know something about a person, its on you to ask them.

Ehh, we generally have different discussions when with the other person when starting new relationships. Some arise from purposely asking, and some arise organically from conversation. Are you saying questions about if someone is trans or not should get to the point where it's a common question to ask in a new relationship?

I mean, this whole thing is a hypothetical for the vast majority of people since most won't be in this situation. I can't really see it becoming a "common" topic for most
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Esrac posted...

RickyTheBAWSE posted...

who said that?

Nobody. He's full of shit.

I'm pretty disappointed that these types of comments go ignored by the people who are trying to pick apart every body else's post who don't share their narrative.

it's like you can be just as crazy as you want to be as long as you agree with them.

it's easy to spot the frauds and disingenuous. their energy changes when the narrative is challenged.
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RickyTheBAWSE posted...

I'm pretty disappointed that these types of comments go ignored by the people who are trying to pick apart every body else's post who don't share their narrative.

it's like you can be just as crazy as you want to be as long as you agree with them.

it's easy to spot the frauds and disingenuous. their energy changes when the narrative is challenged.

It's a thing that happens where some trans-activist-minded people resort to "you just want to abuse/kill them". Or, if the the person arguing against them is trans, to harass and abuse them with insults like "bootlicker" and telling them that the people they associate secretly want to kill them.

Do you guys actually have free will? Legit question. It's just that we just had this topic, and it's strange to me how eager people are on either side of the argument to jump back into the spin cycle.

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viewmaster_pi posted...

Do you guys actually have free will? Legit question. It's just that we just had this topic, and it's strange to me how eager people are on either side of the argument to jump back into the spin cycle.

This one has a super telling poll though
The posts are wholly extraneous

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The Trent posted...

This one has a super telling poll though
The posts are wholly extraneous

I know, it makes everything even more pointless. All I can say is that I'm sorry common sense and decency offend like 10 people here

e: my bad, 24 people

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RickyTheBAWSE posted...

and anything can be compared. this intellectual dishonesty is problematic.

And things can be bad comparisons, like that one is. Idk why you're trying to claim it's intellectually dishonest to call it out. I followed up on their comparison, I just don't think they represent close enough situations to try to draw conclusions from them.

RickyTheBAWSE posted...

who said that?

Anyone who needs to know upon first encountering someone whether or not they are transgender has the same mindset as the people who go into a "trans panic" and kill people.

You know what I would do if I went on a few dates with someone and then they revealed they were transgender? I would say that we weren't sexually compatible and end things. I wouldn't question my sexuality or worry about how close I had come to encountering a penis.

If that information is revealed before having sex, which is the time most people are suggesting it should be revealed by, what exactly is the harm that has transpired? That you've wasted some hours going on dates with someone?

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Esrac posted...

RickyTheBAWSE posted...

I'm pretty disappointed that these types of comments go ignored by the people who are trying to pick apart every body else's post who don't share their narrative.

it's like you can be just as crazy as you want to be as long as you agree with them.

it's easy to spot the frauds and disingenuous. their energy changes when the narrative is challenged.

It's a thing that happens where some trans-activist-minded people resort to "you just want to abuse/kill them". Or, if the the person arguing against them is trans, to harass and abuse them with insults like "bootlicker" and telling them that the people they associate secretly want to kill them.

I don't think I've seen bootlicker used as an anti-trans insult, but I'm not going to pretend that everybody makes sense either lol.

something about being indignant makes many people think being infantile is acceptable though.
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Crash posted...

The woke mob told me that transwomyn are exactly the same as biowomyn, so what is there to tell? There's no difference! They're both womyn!

This but without the obnoxious sarcasm.

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Anteaterking posted...

RickyTheBAWSE posted...

and anything can be compared. this intellectual dishonesty is problematic.

And things can be bad comparisons, like that one is. Idk why you're trying to claim it's intellectually dishonest to call it out. I followed up on their comparison, I just don't think they represent close enough situations to try to draw conclusions from them.

RickyTheBAWSE posted...

who said that?

Anyone who needs to know upon first encountering someone whether or not they are transgender has the same mindset as the people who go into a "trans panic" and kill people.

You know what I would do if I went on a few dates with someone and then they revealed they were transgender? I would say that we weren't sexually compatible and end things. I wouldn't question my sexuality or worry about how close I had come to encountering a penis.

If that information is revealed before having sex, which is the time most people are suggesting it should be revealed by, what exactly is the harm that has transpired? That you've wasted some hours going on dates with someone?

we're going to have to agree to disagree. I see rhetoric with no substance, hypotheticals and other things I'm not really in the mood to navigate around, lol.
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Yeah bootlicker is typically used when someone tries to excuse the terrible actions of a cop purely because they're a cop.


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The Trent posted...

This one has a super telling poll though
The posts are wholly extraneous

I mean, does anyone actually think a trans person should NEVER tell anyone they are trans?

I voted yes in some topics before, but that doesn't mean I think trans people need to do it right away. Not everyone is comfortable with spilling their deeply personal, possibly traumatic past to everyone who chooses to speak to them.

And we need to decide on a narrative. Does no one care if someone is trans? Or do they need to tell everyone because most cis people are disgusted by trans people and "bad things" will happen when they find out?

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Anteaterking posted...

And things can be bad comparisons, like that one is. Idk why you're trying to claim it's intellectually dishonest to call it out. I followed up on their comparison, I just don't think they represent close enough situations to try to draw conclusions from them.

Anyone who needs to know upon first encountering someone whether or not they are transgender has the same mindset as the people who go into a "trans panic" and kill people.

You know what I would do if I went on a few dates with someone and then they revealed they were transgender? I would say that we weren't sexually compatible and end things. I wouldn't question my sexuality or worry about how close I had come to encountering a penis.

If that information is revealed before having sex, which is the time most people are suggesting it should be revealed by, what exactly is the harm that has transpired? That you've wasted some hours going on dates with someone?

There you go. You don't have to say you'd kill a transperson. You just have to no want to date one and that's the same as being okay with killing them. Truly the most exceptional of takes.

RickyTheBAWSE posted...

I don't think I've seen bootlicker used as an anti-trans insult, but I'm not going to pretend that everybody makes sense either lol.

something about being indignant makes many people think being infantile is acceptable though.

It's not an anti-trans insult, it's an insult thrown at people who activists want to accuse of sucking up to the people that oppress and abuse them. A communist might use it against a blue collar worker who defends corporate policies and a trans-activist might use it against transwomen who defend JK Rowling.

Esrac posted...

There you go. You don't have to say you'd kill a transperson. You just have to no want to date one and that's the same as being okay with killing them. Truly the most exceptional of takes.

I think he's just saying anyone so worried about even interacting with a trans person by accident is a fucking weirdo.

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OctilIery posted...

No is the only correct option. It is entirely up to them when they reveal it and nobody is owed an answer before they give it.

Think about the reason theyd want to hide that information.

Because the guy might no longer be interested once they know.

That reason alone is enough to tell them that theyre the selfish asshole for NOT telling the guy.

Not to mention its fucking stupid because some dudes may literally murder you if they realize they just banged a trans AFTER banging a trans.
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EffectAndCause posted...

Think about the reason theyd want to hide that information.

Because the guy might no longer be interested once they know.

That reason alone is enough to tell them that theyre the selfish asshole for NOT telling the guy.

Not to mention its fucking stupid because some dudes may literally murder you if they realize they just banged a trans AFTER banging a trans.

Yes surely that is the only possible reason a trans person may not introduce themselves as "Hi. I'm trans."

Surely

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hockeybub89 posted...

Yes surely that is the only possible reason a trans person may not introduce themselves as "Hi. I'm trans."

Surely

Uh, yes, absolutely, because its widely known to be a dealbreaker for many guys in a dating scenario, which this is.
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hockeybub89 posted...

I think he's just saying anyone so worried about even interacting with a trans person by accident is a fucking weirdo.

That's being disingenuous and too generous to him. We aren't talking about being worried about interacting with a transperson, we are talking about whether or not they should let you know before you date them. And he said that, if you think they should, then you're basically saying you would want to kill them.

He isn't saying it's weird, he explicitly said it's the same mindset as someone who would kill them.