Poll of the Day > Calling quits on a 2 year relationship because the other person is unmotivated?

(+) Yeah! (+)

idk man, I like hanging out with my girlfriend. She's really nice and understanding, we've been living with each other for a year now.

She's just bad with money and lazy and messy. Blames it on depression, doesn't go exercise or see a therapist. Doesn't care about anything other than social media and has no hobbies or interests outside of watching sitcoms. No interest in travel other than to Disney World. The few things she does like seems to be things her parents decided on and were parts of her childhood. Makes decisions she knows is bad, lets them snowball. Will spend 11-12 hours in bed on the weekend.

She's super nice and supportive. I initially thought we had a lot in common, but her personality is to just morph and make everyone around her happy. I mentioned it and she said she just wants to make everyone around her happy, and it's fine to just agree with them about everything because that's what makes people happy. It's like she has no autonomy and is purely reactive.

You can break up with anyone for literally any reason you want.

---

hard call, but personally, I need someone who wants to be better, or is working towards something. Someone who has as interest in things, and wants to travel and is open to new experiences. If they were completely unmotivated with no signs of getting better, itd be a dealbreaker for me.

but that might be because of my age and the people Im around rn. Im also kind of a hypocrite because I let my depression keep me from tons of shit.

anyway, if you feel you should break up, you probably should. You gotta do you.

That's kinda the plot of High Fidelity (which is a great movie, BTW)... maybe check it out?

---

You might want to think about why this bothers you

---

Mead posted...

You might want to think about why this bothers you

Because he's money motivated

---

If you're finding you have less in common with your significant other, and that you're feeling unfulfilled, and you're starting to see them as a sort of person you can't see yourself being happy with, then yes, you should probably consider moving on.

They may be a wonderful person, but if you're not really connecting, why bother staying together? Break up, freeing both of you to find someone else who will actually make you happier. And if they're not a wonderful person, that's even more reason not to tie yourself down into a relationship that's going to make you miserable for decades to come because you think it's what you're "supposed" to do.

If nothing else, getting out because things like marriage, kids, or shared property ownership come into the equation means the break-up will be much less messy.
---

Jen0125 posted...

You can break up with anyone for literally any reason you want.

blu posted...

social media

Does she not have a lot of friends? I've heard that social media is often used by those afflicted by depression to compensate for the lack of real-life social interaction.
---

You really wanna take relationship advice from this group of emotionally stunted goobers?

---

Noop_Noop posted...

You really wanna take relationship advice from this group of emotionally stunted goobers?

Hey, since my therapist has taught me how to manage and regulate my emotions I'm no longer emotionally stunted!

---

Yes, there is more to a relationship than looks.

Nobody wants to be stuck in a relationship with someone who cant take care of themselves.

---

Does she have a job?
What does she do with herself during the week?

---

I hate when they blame it on depression or other mental conditions.

Because in one way....you are an insensitive ass if you hold that against them.

But in another way....they could easily be using that as a BS excuse to cover any bad decision they ever make.

This is why I've made it a personal rule to NEVER date someone who takes a lot of prescription medication. Has bipolar disorder. Some kind of emotional trauma and needs to see a therapist or something for.

Because I can't tell you how many guys I have known and been very close friends with....who would have a girlfriend/wife with a condition like that.....and she uses it constantly as an excuse to be a toxic bitch.

"I'm sorry I burned your favorite shirt, called your mom a whore, slapped you across the face, and cheated on you. I forgot to take my pills that day!"

Um. No.

g'bye.

---

sounds like my gf. she is glued to her phone and constantly feeling down about all the supposedly awesome experiences people appear to be having on social media. I have tried telling her it's all fake bullshit and she won't have it. she tries hobbies until she fails once and turns back to her phone because they take effort and aren't instantly gratifying. It's honestly sad, she's addicted to social media and it's making her depressed.

that said, I can help her deal with it. it's not something I would break up with her over, especially since we live together. she is always available to support me too so I should be able to return the favour. it can be hard but relationships all take a lot of work.

Jen0125 posted...

Because he's money motivated

Maybe theres someone on here making 6 figures that can coach him on success.

---

My friend broke up with her boyfriend last year because he was unmotivated and a penny pincher. They were going out for about a little over 2 years too. He was one of the favored employees at work and got a huge bonus. He up and quit the week after (which surprised everyone else, but he always talked to me about how much he hated work).

My friend had just started a new job in a different city. Her commute was 3+ hours. Since he had quit his job, she proposed moving to shorten her commute and he could find a new job. She asked him to look up some places (and that never happened). She found some places and visited them after work. She even facetime'd him to show him around (she told me he sounded apathetic about all of them). She had little tasks here and there for what she needed him to do because she didn't have time to do it with her commute taking so much time. But every time she came home, he was sitting on the couch, smoking, playing games, or watching TV (overall just being a bum). She acknowledged he was going through something and tried to be supportive, but she was dead tired every night (and probably needed support herself). This went on for two months.

Then one night, when they went out with some friends, he ordered a whole bunch of tacos and drinks and asked her pick up the bill. She finally snapped. Prior to that, he had always penny pinched everything. It was always agreed they'd split rent and utilities evenly. But then he started charging her for everything else too. Sometimes she thought he was being super sweet and buying her a meal, only to find out later that he was gonna charge her on Venmo. Even something cheap, like some quick Taco Bell, he'd charge her for a couple dollars. She never charged him for small stuff like that. But suddenly, he bought a whole bunch of things and asked her to pick up the bill.

She broke up with him and he didn't even realize they were broken up (he thought it was just a fight). She didn't return one week (she was really sick of the commute at that point and some coworkers offered her their couch) and that's when he finally realized. He started bombing her with text, phone calls, emails, and anything else he could reach her by. He became way more vindictive too (as opposed to the passive guy on the couch he was prior).

She was still coming back to their apartment, but only on weekends. Eventually, she found a place (I helped her move) and he moved back with his parents (I also heard he blew all of his money, including the huge bonus, but that's not really relevant). The whole situation was a mess (he logged onto her laptop while she was away to go through all her messages and stuff, he refused to take either of the cats they adopted together, he purposely told her late at night that he wouldn't be at the apartment to feed the cats even though his parents place was less than a half hour away, which forced her to ask me stop by and feed them or come down herself to feed them).

The woman I was going out with a few months ago was super unmotivated. She was content with living with her roommates. Didn't even consider the possibility of moving out (or that they would move out). She wasn't interested in trying anything new, though she always had fun when I did bring her to do something new. She was super passive and just going along and doing what everyone else had planned.

---

acesxhigh posted...

that said, I can help her deal with it. it's not something I would break up with her over, especially since we live together. she is always available to support me too so I should be able to return the favour. it can be hard but relationships all take a lot of work.

This is how relationships work. Sad facts people expect theres one person out there thats gonna fit. Being with somebodys all about knowing theyll fall and saying youll be there. Expecting a perfect fit is plain lazy behavior.

---

howre the tits?

---

You can always break up if you want. But just make sure that's what you want...
---

Don't ask GameFAQs for relationship advice.