Poll of the Day > can an incel be a 'nice guy'?

(+) Yeah! (+)

i understand not all incels are nice guys, but i feel like a good portion of them could be, ok?

you people know all too well when it comes to this subject matter, so answer the question, ok?

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Pretty sure all incels are nice guys, unless they're an incel 'cuz their lower half was blown off in 'nam

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Lokarin posted...

Pretty sure all incels are nice guys, unless they're an incel 'cuz their lower half was blown off in 'nam

alright, so as an incel yourself, you're not a nice guy. i very much doubt you've used sex as a currency for being friendly, because you're not motivated enough to leave your bed, ok?

that was my nice way of saying you don't know what you're fucking talking about, go back to bed, ok?

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No, blaming others for your lack of sex is not something nice guys do.

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Aculo posted...

alright, so as an incel yourself, you're not a nice guy. i very much doubt you've used sex as a currency for being friendly, because you're not motivated enough to leave your bed, ok?

that was my nice way of saying you don't know what you're fucking talking about, go back to bed, ok?

my legs were blown off in 'nam though

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Yeah those are usual the ones that get stuck in friend zones because they dont understand that kindness does not necessarily equate to being desirable

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SunWuKung420 posted...

No, blaming others for your lack of sex is not something nice guys do.

hey old man, educate yourself before popping off with dumb responses, ok?

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Nice%20Guy

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Do you mean a "nice guy" or an actual person who is nice and respectful?

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If a guy is just struggling to find a decent girl to sleep with, and won't settle for empty, loveless booty calls....then of course he can still be a perfectly nice guy.

In fact, a lot of guys struggling to get laid ARE nice guys.

They aren't willing to settle for some temporary lust relationship.

They want a real relationship. Monogamy. A wife. Love.

And they won't settle for anything less, so it sadly makes them very lonely for prolonged periods of time.

By definition, they would be incels. Because they WANT a relationship, but struggle to find a decent one.

Some guys are severely limited in their options based on their geographical locations, and the availability of single women in their area.

Some guys just aren't attractive enough for many superficial women.

The fact that this even needs to be a question is kinda sad, and only highlights the problems that men face when being judged by the opposite sex.

"Oh, he's not getting laid, so that MUST mean he's racist/sexist/has a terrible personality, etc etc."

Wrong.

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GreenKnight127 posted...

If a guy is just struggling to find a decent girl to sleep with, and won't settle for empty, loveless booty calls....then of course he can still be a perfectly nice guy.

In fact, a lot of guys struggling to get laid ARE nice guys.

They aren't willing to settle for some temporary lust relationship.

They want a real relationship. Monogamy. A wife. Love.

And they won't settle for anything less, so it sadly makes them very lonely for prolonged periods of time.

By definition, they would be incels. Because they WANT a relationship, but struggle to find a decent one.

Some guys are severely limited in their options based on their geographical locations, and the availability of single women in their area.

Some guys just aren't attractive enough for many superficial women.

The fact that this even needs to be a question is kinda sad, and only highlights the problems that men face when being judged by the opposite sex.

"Oh, he's not getting laid, so that MUST mean he's racist/sexist/has a terrible personality, etc etc."

Wrong.

spoken like a true incel

hurr hrrr urrur dur dur hur!!! (beat ya to it, LMAO)

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i feel like in a lot of cases, being a 'nice guy' is just a stepping stone towards being an incel.

once they realize that social decency is not currency for sex, they stop showing that social decency (and in the process they stop being 'nice guys'). once they stop showing any sort of social decency, everyone makes the decision to socially ostracize them, leading to them becoming incels. they no longer believe that sex with women is a possibility, and so they no longer feign respect for them, which in turn assures their original assumption that sex is an impossibility for them.

its sort of a fucked up situation. these guys are so fucking insufferable that nobody really wants to deal with them, but its not like ignoring them makes them go away. it is a social issue and the "victims" of it make it really hard for anyone to want to deal with them in any sort of constructive manner.

by its very nature, it isnt possible for this behavior to be hereditary, which leads me to believe its got to be something in their environment. SOMETHING is happening to these guys during their formative years that is almost completely impeding their social development.

is it too late to save them? probably, and personally i have no desire to do so. however, i feel like it is at least worth trying to find and examine the root cause so we can try to stop making MORE of these miserable fucking people.

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Would any "nice guy" even label himself as "involuntary celibate"? I feel like there is a fine line between being unrealistic with losing ones virginity and being in a situation where losing it simply is not feasible. How many "incels" fall under the former instead of the latter?

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InfestedAdam posted...

Would any "nice guy" even label himself as "involuntary celibate"? I feel like there is a fine line between being unrealistic with losing ones virginity and being in a situation where losing it simply is not feasible. How many "incels" fall under the former instead of the latter?

like i said, i think its a stepping stone. over time their unrealistic expectation turns sex into an actual impossibility.

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InfestedAdam posted...

Would any "nice guy" even label himself as "involuntary celibate"? I feel like there is a fine line between being unrealistic with losing ones virginity and being in a situation where losing it simply is not feasible. How many "incels" fall under the former instead of the latter?

Does ANY guy legitimately enjoy admitting to their friends that they aren't getting laid? Or (God forbid) admitting that they are having trouble managing the modern dating scene?

You are literally seen as a "loser" by even your own family members if you are a guy that isn't getting laid.

It's a very sexist social stigma that has existed for thousands of years.

Why aren't we addressing that?

Why are we taking almost sadistic pleasure in branding guys incels and then compartmentalizing their entire persona?

Seems like people are just trying to justify their hatred of men who lack "game".

Kinda fucked up.

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GreenKnight127 posted...

Does ANY guy legitimately enjoy admitting to their friends that they aren't getting laid? Or (God forbid) admitting that they are having trouble managing the modern dating scene?

You are literally seen as a "loser" by even your own family members if you are a guy that isn't getting laid.

It's a very sexist social stigma that has existed for thousands of years.

Why aren't we addressing that?

Why are we taking almost sadistic pleasure in branding guys incels and then compartmentalizing their entire persona?

Seems like people are just trying to justify their hatred of men who lack "game".

Kinda fucked up.

thing its, it has always been pretty much the standard for guys to be encouraged to bang as many broads as possible, while ladies are encouraged to be more chaste (fair enough given the difference in obligation between the two sexes in regards to child rearing)

the problem i have is where the fuck were all of the incels throughout the rest of human history if this is the cause? ive never read shit in any sort of historical record that mentions anything even close to 'incel culture'

it has got to be something more recent i think.

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It depends. It's usually when they are devalued as human beings that they begin to lash out.

After systemic patronizing most people would.

Noop_Noop posted...

thing its, it has always been pretty much the standard for guys to be encouraged to bang as many broads as possible

Very true. However.....due to the advent of social media, the rise in STDs, and people being trained to actually communicate more and be decent human beings.....that trend is starting to change.

Don't get me wrong, there are still TONS of animal asshole men out there slaying as much vagina as physically possible.....but they are becoming a minority. And are usually hated by their peers.

A lot of guys have turned into idiosyncratic dorks who love games, movies, books, and music. They aren't slaying vagina. They are slaying demons in Dark Souls, and maybe trying to date when they can find a girl who is willing to tolerate them.

Noop_Noop posted...

while ladies are encouraged to be more chaste

And, oddly enough, due to the advent of social media and the Feminist movement....this is also starting to change. Women aren't chaste at all. They are sexually empowered with all the options and power in the world. They have caught up to men in their pursuit of sex for validation. I might even be willing to go so far as to say they have surpassed men (in Westernized societies).

Noop_Noop posted...

the problem i have is where the fuck were all of the incels throughout the rest of human history if this is the cause? ive never read shit in any sort of historical record that mentions anything even close to 'incel culture'

They've always existed. They just weren't branded as a "bad thing" the way they are now. Just the "gentlemen" of history. Writing books and going about their day. Not making history, because they weren't passing on their genes like all the "winners". Social media didn't exist then....so they didn't have much of a voice, or have legions of people to bully them, brand them, encapsulate them into some kind of title.

Just a thought.

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Noop_Noop posted...

like i said, i think its a stepping stone. over time their unrealistic expectation turns sex into an actual impossibility.

I read what yer wrote and can see that being the case for some individuals. Some learn to accept reality for what it is while some continue expecting the unrealistic until it affects their behavior as you have stated. As to why one adapts and the other can't, that is beyond me. Perhaps it is like you said, their social environment, upbringing, etc. all influences this.

GreenKnight127 posted...

Does ANY guy legitimately enjoy admitting to their friends that they aren't getting laid? Or (God forbid) admitting that they are having trouble managing the modern dating scene?

As a 36 years old virgin who have never dated anyone, honestly this does not bother me at all and I do not know why it does not as it would for others. Perhaps there is no disappointment from failing because I never truly tried. Perhaps it is because I have other single family and friends, who are probably also virgins, that I do not feel alone.

It could also be because there is no actual pressure from my family to find someone. My cousins and mother have occasionally asked if I will ever marry and I always tell em I will probably die single and surrounded by cats. They leave it at that or when they do ask it is just in a joking manner.

Regardless of what society might think about "wizards" like me, I simply have too many other concerns in life (i.e. maintaining my health, dealing with my finances, expanding my career, etc.) to be concern with losing my virginity.

dedbus posted...

It depends. It's usually when they are devalued as human beings that they begin to lash out.

I can see this being the case for some. The idea of being a virgin have never bothered me and none of my family or friends have given me flack for it either. Had that constant pressure and jokes to get laid, find a girlfriend, get married, etc. been there, I'd imagine I would have turned-out differently, whether good or bad.

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Aculo posted...

i understand not all incels are nice guys, but i feel like a good portion of them could be, ok?

The act or blaming one's consistent failures with women on others, by definition, precludes a person from being a nice guy. It's inherently not a nice thing to do. A nice guy would take responsibility for his own need to change, and incels don't do that.

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InfestedAdam posted...

As a 36 years old virgin who have never dated anyone, honestly this does not bother me at all and I do not know why it does not as it would for others. Perhaps there is no disappointment from failing because I never truly tried. Perhaps it is because I have other single family and friends, who are probably also virgins, that I do not feel alone.

It could also be because there is no actual pressure from my family to find someone. My cousins and mother have occasionally asked if I will ever marry and I always tell em I will probably die single and surrounded by cats. They leave it at that or when they do ask it is just in a joking manner.

Regardless of what society might think about "wizards" like me, I simply have too many other concerns in life (i.e. maintaining my health, dealing with my finances, expanding my career, etc.) to be concern with losing my virginity.

You sound like you are voluntarily celibate. I bet you have an interesting story to tell.

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As a former "Nice Guy" they are vastly different and I don't think they can be the same ever

"Nice Guys" are doormats that idolize women and incels are bitter dudes that hate women because they have no game but their ego makes them see it as the girls fault

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GreenKnight127 posted...

You sound like you are voluntarily celibate. I bet you have an interesting story to tell.

I can agree with that. Being in my mid 30's, I'd imagine my hormones are dwindling so there is less of a drive as well compared to how I was in my 20's.

The really weird thing I find with my situation is if someone actually ask if I wanna get under the sheets, and said person is likable, I honestly would not know how to respond. Knowing me, I'd refuse since the life I have now is the "norm" for me. Anyway, four more years till the 40-Year-Old Virgin film is more of a documentary than fiction.

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InfestedAdam posted...

I can agree with that. Being in my mid 30's, I'd imagine my hormones are dwindling so there is less of a drive as well compared to how I was in my 20's.

The really weird thing I find with my situation is if someone actually ask if I wanna get under the sheets, and said person is likable, I honestly would not know how to respond. Knowing me, I'd refuse since the life I have now is the "norm" for me. Anyway, four more years till the 40-Year-Old Virgin film is more of a documentary than fiction.

As long as you're happy, and not being dishonest with yourself.

There is a subtle grace to being single. Not a lot of people like to talk about it, though. It goes against nature. It's a violation of all our social constructs.

But I'm always at peace during those periods when I don't have a romantic interest. Only accountable to myself. No one to distract me. To judge or be judged by. To disappoint. To hog the sheets. To worry about.

It's nice to just be me, and not feel like I have to hold back from doing the things I want to do because it might conflict with someone else's desires.

But I also love sex and intimacy and making someone laugh. And giving pleasure just as much as getting it.

Humans are so awkward and complex. It drives me crazy sometimes.

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