Current Events > ce, teach me how to be social

(+) Yeah! (+)

Ive never really had any friends my entire life because I was a shut in for most of it. I spent the entirety of middle and high school avoiding everyone and keeping to myself because of home issues, but I want to be better than that

Now Im in my first year of college and Im catching myself doing the same thing. Im avoiding everyone and constantly making excuses

Im a little bit socially awkward because I spent so many years alone, and now Im self conscious about it. How do I get past that and actually start socializing? I dont wanna become a college party girl or anything, but I want to have fun and relearn how to connect with people

TLDR: When quarantine is over, what can I do to make friends in college? How do I get over feeling not good enough and then subsequently ghost people because of it

---

meetup.com

---

In Ireland 99% its from getting drunk and making friends

---

its a pandemic, how are you going to meet people right now?

---

E32005 posted...

its a pandemic, how are you going to meet people right now?

she clearly said after

---

Most attractive quality in anyone? Happiness. Be happy and youll naturally attract friends.

---

Join anime club and get hit on by weird guys

Really though if your school has any extracurricular clubs/activities, most people in those are pretty friendly and inviting to new people

---

Well what do you like to do? Colleges have a BUNCH of communities that you can join. All it takes is the courage to put yourself out there for day one. People are pretty nice and I'm sure they would have no qualms about inviting someone in.

---

You need to get used to making a fool of yourself so that the thought no longer scares you and makes you hold back. You must brainstorm a list of the most embarrassing situations you could ever find yourself in, and then when social distancing dies down you need to check all of them off. After that, you will reach a point where you're no longer afraid and you will feel comfortable being you.

kid, let me tell you something about being social in college

it is 100% a waste of time to try to befriend people who aren't like minded as you are with trying to do well in courses and get ahead in life so don't even try to unless you know the other person is as well

as for actually socializing, just casually talk about the coursework with people and segue into other stuff as time goes on, it's super easy to do even if it feels intimidating at first

you can get involved with a program, club, student organization, etc. at your college.

that way you can find people in your age range with shared interests, goals, etc.

and don't let the outgoing, extroverted people throw you off, because there are also a bunch of people who are going to be shy, but want to make some kinda connection, and are trying to be more open.

---

It's easy QT just PM me anytime

---

- acquire contact information via inperson meeting (ie, in class together or meetup event or whatever)

- be proactively social with them. "Hey, wanna go check out the art show/this movie/study/etc this weekend". Even if it's boring shit like having a sandwich after class.
---

I mean for me I just joined a lot of political clubs and then got involved with the activist community in Olympia, WA. A lot of my friends were much older than me and didn't even go to the college. Online dating sites can also help but you're a girl so it's kinda a different game. That being said I got laid the first actual week of college because some girl on okcupid lived two floors above me and we fucked. It was pretty great, she was a lot hotter than any of the girls I hooked up with in high school too.

---

CalypsoDoom posted...

Following this topic b/c people are giving actual advice here

---

SauI_Goodman posted...

meetup.com

but college campus is full of people

CreepySmile posted...

In Ireland 99% its from getting drunk and making friends

But what if I wanna be sober. I guess thats a buzzkill.. maybe I can promise myself to only drink when with other people

Ludwig Von 2 posted...

Most attractive quality in anyone? Happiness. Be happy and youll naturally attract friends.

I am happy, thats not the problem. Ive never been happier in my entire life. The problem is ghosting people after making brief connections because I feel socially awkward and embarrassed

TeaMilk posted...

Join anime club and get hit on by weird guys

Really though if your school has any extracurricular clubs/activities, most people in those are pretty friendly and inviting to new people

lol you know how it is for girls in nerdy clubs. Theres a gaming club at my school that I avoid because one of the guys in there is super creepy and wont leave me alone when I try to join them. He stares and me and says weird shit like how I must be a little freak in bed.. because I wont tell him what my sex life is like? Because hes creepy? dude is wack but theres at least one weirdo in every gamer group ._.

Simple idea but probably the best one imo. Maybe I can just join a random club and learn how to do the activity. All my interests are nerdy, but you know how nerdy clubs be for people like us >.>

---

I was never super outgoing, but in college I kind of forced myself into going to activities with groups of people around the dorms even if it only sounded mildly entertaining. Chances are youll eventually meet at least a few people with mutual interests this way. You just have to keep yourself open to suggestion, and the socializing will come more naturally in time.

I imagine its a lot different this year though, since dorm life isnt really a thing at the moment. I feel like dating apps dont usually work too well if youre ONLY looking for friends, but as long as youre explicit about your intentions, you might be able to find a talk to a few folks that way too.

---

Also let me say this. By the end of freshman year of college I felt like I had at least 100 friends. By the end of senior year I felt like I had just a small handful of good friends. Honestly I kept in touch with more high school people than college people. Nothing you do socially in college really matters in the long run. Just relax, enjoy the party, and be yourself. I might be able to help you better if I had a better understanding of what your interests are and what you'd like to do overall.

---

Start a girls only programming club or something
The female students at the high school tend to pick up computer related things way faster than the male students if they're encouraged

---

Join your school's film club or audition for a play

---

OffTempo posted...

Well what do you like to do? Colleges have a BUNCH of communities that you can join. All it takes is the courage to put yourself out there for day one. People are pretty nice and I'm sure they would have no qualms about inviting someone in.

Youre right, thats what Ill do. Theres a bunch of stuff out there and I can even make my own club

Reis posted...

kid, let me tell you something about being social in college

it is 100% a waste of time to try to befriend people who aren't like minded as you are with trying to do well in courses and get ahead in life so don't even try to unless you know the other person is as well

as for actually socializing, just casually talk about the coursework with people and segue into other stuff as time goes on, it's super easy to do even if it feels intimidating at first

Theres a surprising amount of people in college that dont care, and its nuts. It drives me crazy talking to someone who gives 0 shits so luckily that isnt an issue

Thanks fam thats actually good a advice. I can get to the point where I can have friends in class, but I gotta get outta my comfort zone when it comes to talking with them outside of class


---

Harpie posted...

lol you know how it is for girls in nerdy clubs. Theres a gaming club at my school that I avoid because one of the guys in there is super creepy and wont leave me alone when I try to join them. He stares and me and says weird shit like how I must be a little freak in bed.. because I wont tell him what my sex life is like? Because hes creepy? dude is wack but theres at least one weirdo in every gamer group ._.

Are the other members of the club aware of that?

I relate to this pretty heavily. I was a pretty late bloomer socially, and it wasnt until a few years after high school when I started getting more involved in my interests that I started to make more friends, and even then I would rarely talk to or hang out with people outside of shows, beyond my like 2-3 closest friends, because I was (and still am lol) very self conscious about initiating conversations or asking to hang out. Super embarrassed to hit people up, because I always feel like a weirdo doing it. To that end, my biggest piece of advice is exactly that; dont be afraid to reach out to people, when you start to feel self conscious or embarrassed try to remember that people talk and hang out all the time, and thats exactly how it happens, and that nobody will think youre weird or embarrassing for hitting them up.

I recognize that this could very easily be read as like some just be happy!-ass advice but I really dont mean it that way and I hope Ive gotten what I mean across clearly lol, it sounds like you are going through very similar things to what Ive dealt with when trying to socialize and trying to remind myself constantly that talking to people is normal has been a huge help

---

boxington posted...

you can get involved with a program, club, student organization, etc. at your college.

that way you can find people in your age range with shared interests, goals, etc.

and don't let the outgoing, extroverted people throw you off, because there are also a bunch of people who are going to be shy, but want to make some kinda connection, and are trying to be more open.

I like this, its practical advice. Thank you. It sounds like I need to stop being a wimp and actually join a club or two

philsov posted...

- acquire contact information via inperson meeting (ie, in class together or meetup event or whatever)

- be proactively social with them. "Hey, wanna go check out the art show/this movie/study/etc this weekend". Even if it's boring shit like having a sandwich after class.

Is it still worth it if I feel awkward. Or it that worth pushing through for a while

Pus_N_Pecans posted...

I was never super outgoing, but in college I kind of forced myself into going to activities with groups of people around the dorms even if it only sounded mildly entertaining. Chances are youll eventually meet at least a few people with mutual interests this way. You just have to keep yourself open to suggestion, and the socializing will come more naturally in time.

Thank you, its something Ill be doing in the fall when school starts back up

What was your college experience like

Politics posted...

I mean for me I just joined a lot of political clubs and then got involved with the activist community in Olympia, WA. A lot of my friends were much older than me and didn't even go to the college. Online dating sites can also help but you're a girl so it's kinda a different game. That being said I got laid the first actual week of college because some girl on okcupid lived two floors above me and we fucked. It was pretty great, she was a lot hotter than any of the girls I hooked up with in high school too.

Wow okay two floors above you?? Thats good luck damn

I never thought about joining local clubs, but there is plenty around where I live. Thanks for the idea!


---

Politics posted...

Also let me say this. By the end of freshman year of college I felt like I had at least 100 friends. By the end of senior year I felt like I had just a small handful of good friends. Honestly I kept in touch with more high school people than college people. Nothing you do socially in college really matters in the long run. Just relax, enjoy the party, and be yourself. I might be able to help you better if I had a better understanding of what your interests are and what you'd like to do overall.

Hmm, thats true. If Im gonna probably stop talking to most of them after school then what do I have to lose?

My interests are pretty simple. I like Nintendo games, reading, photography/film, etc. I used to be super into sports like soccer and track back when I was in shape lol

CreepySmile posted...

Start a girls only programming club or something
The female students at the high school tend to pick up computer related things way faster than the male students if they're encouraged

I would, but Im not super interested in programming. Or at least not knowledgeable enough to start a club. Maybe just a general nerdy club but only women allowed


---

Harpie posted...

Thank you, its something Ill be doing in the fall when school starts back up

What was your college experience like

My first year I lived in an alcohol free floor where half the kids there were only there because their parents mustve been naive enough to assume itd actually be properly enforced...

But I did meet some good people when I lived there, a number of which I remain friends with to this day.

Another way Id try to push myself to socialize more was to work on some of my art (what I went to school for) in the common areas of the building. I think its easier to socialize when its more of a secondary thing; the silences arent so painful that way, and you could sometimes find common ground in the music youd listen to while you were there.

---

Harpie posted...

Is it still worth it if I feel awkward. Or it that worth pushing through for a while

One of you needs to make the first move or nothing's gonna happen. If you're constantly hoping for them to do it, you'll miss out on a lot of good opportunity. Odds are the people you're gonna have long term friendships with are also going to be socially awkward recluses that are shy and socially passive.

And this puts you in control. Now instead of getting invites to shit that sounds boring or awkward, you get to do something you hopefully enjoy while in the company of someone else, and hopefully they have a good time too.
---

Harpie posted...

I would, but Im not super interested in programming. Or at least not knowledgeable enough to start a club. Maybe just a general nerdy club but only women allowed

I thought you wanted to learn it but in either case just make one for women only. At the very least you'd be less likely to be harrased

---

Idk. When I took community college classes I kind of made it a mission to befriend the cutest girl in class if she sat near me. If not, I'd try to talk to peeps around me anyways and usually open up with a "How'd you do on that quiz/test?" or maybe ask a question about the homework/reading. Cases can vary but I find that people are a lot nicer/more willing to talk when you talk to them first. And if they just shrug you off, then fuck em lol. You aren't missing out on anything.

---

Statical_Ork posted...

Super embarrassed to hit people up, because I always feel like a weirdo doing it. To that end, my biggest piece of advice is exactly that; dont be afraid to reach out to people, when you start to feel self conscious or embarrassed try to remember that people talk and hang out all the time, and thats exactly how it happens, and that nobody will think youre weird or embarrassing for hitting them up.

More input on this topic please >_<

---

You know what got me to become more social. Martial arts. I did mma and jiu jitsu and that was a good way for me to make friends.

I know lots of girls do kick boxing so if youre interested in learning how to fight and want to make some girl friends, there you go.

---

Feline_Heart posted...

Join your school's film club or audition for a play

Omfg this hurts me. This physically PAINS ME TO READ

This quarter I signed up for a Film class with the sole intention of making friends in something Im into. But then Covid happened and now its all online and I still dont have any nerdy film friends

Tenlaar posted...

Are the other members of the club aware of that?

No, but theyre all buddies with him. Bringing it up would only cause drama and I guarantee that nothing would happen besides me getting shunned from the group. Its better that I avoid them. Ive seen so many nerdy groups like these and they are almost never welcoming to a girl the same way they are to a guy. I want to have fun and play video games, not be harassed by the whole group because I wont date one of them

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Yep :/

It sucks. Ive been to several high schools and this college and its all the same.


---

Oh, and always keep your door open unless youre really studying, thats probably the best advice Ive got.

*Also, I didnt know you were into film. I have a film board here in case youd want an invite. Its the Quality Cinema Club. Theyre good people there, and most of them are more knowledgeable than I am.

---

Some sort of college club is your best bet, though creepy guys can ruin anything.

edit: oh right, covid, fuck

---

lol, communicate well?

---

Harpie posted...

Omfg this hurts me. This physically PAINS ME TO READ

This quarter I signed up for a Film class with the sole intention of making friends in something Im into. But then Covid happened and now its all online and I still dont have any nerdy film friends

I took several film courses for my minor and, honestly, you have just as much of a chance of finding a stranger on the street that you could connect to. I had a "zombies in film and literature" class filled with over 30 people. 2 of them had actually seen a zombie film. 1 had watched the Walking Dead. They were just English majors needing some credit hours. I figured at least watching a zombie versus a shark in Lucio Fulci's Zombi would bring out the b-movie love in some of them, but nope. One of the dullest classes I've ever had thanks to the students.

Even the serious courses like "film analysis " wasn't with people I would hang out with even though we all shared a common interest. Yet I would hang out with a few people from my American history course. It really doesn't matter what brings everyone together in the same room, but that they're someone you're interested enough in to engage in a conversation.

Theres a gaming club at my school that I avoid because one of the guys in there is super creepy and wont leave me alone when I try to join them. He stares and me and says weird s*** like how I must be a little freak in bed..

You just tell Vegy to shut his hole and go post on CE instead.

---

MedeaLysistrata posted...

More input on this topic please >_<

Basically I am super nervous and embarrassed to ask people to hang out bc Im always afraid theyre thinking, why is butthole asking to hang out I dont know him like that, and the same as far as messaging people just to talk shit or whatever. I started overcoming this by just like, asking random people of they were going to this or that thing, saying oh cool lets get a group together/Ill drive/etc. and often end up going to shit with a full car or riding with others when i actually leave my house these days. Similarly, instead of just not interacting with people I know online, Ill respond to ig stories and end up having conversations, or comment on shit, etc. I still feel self conscious about it, but I try to remember that talking to your friends is super normal, and that gets reinforced every time I make some dumb joke on somebody's shit and we end up talking about, oh remember that show we played? yeah that was awesome, and then they just start sending me shit every now and then

its hard shell to break out of but it builds on itself once you start to and get actual experiences that reinforce that reaching out is nothing to be embarrassed about

that was maybe a run on sentence ive been awake for like a day and a half idk

---

Statical_Ork posted...

I relate to this pretty heavily. I was a pretty late bloomer socially, and it wasnt until a few years after high school when I started getting more involved in my interests that I started to make more friends, and even then I would rarely talk to or hang out with people outside of shows, beyond my like 2-3 closest friends, because I was (and still am lol) very self conscious about initiating conversations or asking to hang out. Super embarrassed to hit people up, because I always feel like a weirdo doing it. To that end, my biggest piece of advice is exactly that; dont be afraid to reach out to people, when you start to feel self conscious or embarrassed try to remember that people talk and hang out all the time, and thats exactly how it happens, and that nobody will think youre weird or embarrassing for hitting them up.

I recognize that this could very easily be read as like some just be happy!-ass advice but I really dont mean it that way and I hope Ive gotten what I mean across clearly lol, it sounds like you are going through very similar things to what Ive dealt with when trying to socialize and trying to remind myself constantly that talking to people is normal has been a huge help

Nah I totally get what you're talking about, it makes sense. I often feel like there are moments where I could hit people up or ask them to hang out, but I end up getting cold feet and let the relationship die. Thank you ^^

philsov posted...

One of you needs to make the first move or nothing's gonna happen. If you're constantly hoping for them to do it, you'll miss out on a lot of good opportunity. Odds are the people you're gonna have long term friendships with are also going to be socially awkward recluses that are shy and socially passive.

And this puts you in control. Now instead of getting invites to shit that sounds boring or awkward, you get to do something you hopefully enjoy while in the company of someone else, and hopefully they have a good time too.

This is a good point tbh

---

Just be yourself Harpie. When we play CAH you're always funny and witty. Just be like that, It works for me I pretty much act like I do here irl and i'm almost well respected.

---

All of my irl friends are either people who went out of their way to talk to me, or friends of those people >_>
---

CreepySmile posted...

I thought you wanted to learn it but in either case just make one for women only. At the very least you'd be less likely to be harrased

Nah I changed my major. I still have an interest but it isn't as strong

You and Joe are right tho, maybe a nerdy women's club would be fun

OffTempo posted...

You know what got me to become more social. Martial arts. I did mma and jiu jitsu and that was a good way for me to make friends.

I know lots of girls do kick boxing so if youre interested in learning how to fight and want to make some girl friends, there you go.

This is my wet dream tbh. I used to be into martial arts but I fell off the wagon.. I would love to join a new club. Martial arts is amazing I 100% agree

I've been thinking about hitting up a local dojo and asking for a trade. They have a really shitty website with awful potato quality photos, but I'm a photographer with experience in website making. When covid is over I'm going to be going there to al least ask. The worst they can say is no

Pus_N_Pecans posted...

Oh, and always keep your door open unless youre really studying, thats probably the best advice Ive got.

*Also, I didnt know you were into film. I have a film board here in case youd want an invite. Its the Quality Cinema Club. Theyre good people there, and most of them are more knowledgeable than I am.

Hmu with that film board! It's a new hobby for me, but I find that I'm really liking it

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

You're right, but I still feel powerless anyways. Making friends is one thing, but I definitely don't have the confidence to "out" one of their friends and then still hang out with them

Ohhhhh are you into kickboxing too?? How long were you doing it for

So_Hajile posted...

I took several film courses for my minor and, honestly, you have just as much of a chance of finding a stranger on the street that you could connect to. I had a "zombies in film and literature" class filled with over 30 people. 2 of them had actually seen a zombie film. 1 had watched the Walking Dead. They were just English majors needing some credit hours. I figured at least watching a zombie versus a shark in Lucio Fulci's Zombi would bring out the b-movie love in some of them, but nope. One of the dullest classes I've ever had thanks to the students.

Even the serious courses like "film analysis " wasn't with people I would hang out with even though we all shared a common interest. Yet I would hang out with a few people from my American history course. It really doesn't matter what brings everyone together in the same room, but that they're someone you're interested enough in to engage in a conversation.

You just tell Vegy to shut his hole and go post on CE instead.

lmao damn you're probably right though. I'll just try to make friends in a different class next year

vegy would never

---

i'm neurodivergent and somehow ended up with dozens of very extroverted "normal" friends in college

but that ended 4 years ago. The partying, some really good times. Does it make my current situation harder?
but were those memories worth the current pain (and the hangovers)
yes, i think so

---

Johnny_Nutcase posted...

Just be yourself Harpie. When we play CAH you're always funny and witty. Just be like that, It works for me I pretty much act like I do here irl and i'm almost well respected.

I am? >.>

Thanks Johnny. I gotta learn to relax. When I'm not overthinking things I lose my social awkwardness for the most part

teepan95 posted...

All of my irl friends are either people who went out of their way to talk to me, or friends of those people >_>

lmao it really do be like that for introverts ._.

---

Paper_Okami posted...

i'm neurodivergent and somehow ended up with dozens of very extroverted "normal" friends in college

but that ended 4 years ago. The partying, some really good times. Does it make my current situation harder?
but were those memories worth the current pain (and the hangovers)
yes, i think so

Honestly I notice a similar pattern. Extroverted people tend to flock to me a lot more than fellow introverts. But then that's probably because they're the only ones with enough confidence to hang out with someone they think is interesting

Did you keep any of those friends, 4 years later?

---

And yeah, Johnny's right. You make for good company online, so I'm guessing it's the same irl! :)
---

Harpie posted...

Hmu with that film board! It's a new hobby for me, but I find that I'm really liking it

Cool, sent! Dont feel too intimidated about posting either! Im always trying to help encourage more discussion/interaction in there.

---