Current Events > CE had a fit when I said "Women have it so much easier on Dating Apps"

(+) Yeah! (+)

onedarksoul posted...

This. Kind of puzzled why they'd be riled up

Yeah, I thought this was common knowledge.

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cuttin_in_farm posted...

Keep in mind, this is for the guys perspective.

Women get matches and messages. So to try and separate matches from getting something is disingenuous.

Women have it easier on dating apps. That doesnt mean they dont have the issue of too many s***s blocking the good matches, but they still have the advantage.

Right but I'm saying that even in my own experience (as a guy) certain apps led to me getting more matches but the quality of those matches was much lower so I still got more positive outcomes from the app where less women matched with me. And I'm also saying independently of spam, the spam example was just to give an easy to see example of more matches not being better.

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Yeah basically the challenges in this topic boil down to they have to deal with a lot of bad matches and BS during the sifting phase. Which is true and Im somewhat sympathetic to, however a lot of guys cant even get to that phase. If/when he gets there, hes going to have to put up with some BS too. So if a woman gets 100+ matches or whatever and yet still cant seem to find the right guy then what are the chances that a guy getting 3 matches is going to find the right woman?

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Twin3Turbo posted...

Yeah basically the challenges in this topic boil down to they have to deal with a lot of bad matches and BS during the sifting phase. Which is true and Im somewhat sympathetic to, however a lot of guys cant even get to that phase. If/when he gets there, hes going to have to put up with some BS too. So if a woman gets 100+ matches or whatever and yet still cant seem to find the right guy then what are the chances that a guy getting 3 matches is going to find the right woman?

Imagine getting to pick whatever brand new car you want from a car lot, for free, and complaining "Omg there are so many bad cars here, this is soooo hard! D:"

People are delusional if they don't think women have it infinitely easier on dating apps, I'm all for calling out incels who manifest it in an incredibly toxic way but let's not live in a fantasy world.

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BignutzisBack posted...

People are delusional if they don't think women have it infinitely easier on dating apps, I'm all for calling out incels who manifest it in an incredibly toxic way but let's not live in a fantasy world.

this exactly

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BallroomBetch posted...

Imagine getting to pick whatever brand new car you want from a car lot, for free, and complaining "Omg there are so many bad cars here, this is soooo hard! D:"

I can't speak for everyone in this topic obviously, but what I'm saying is that people are focusing too much on the "Wow their car lot is way bigger" instead of "Wow they get their car for free, whereas guys have to pay!".


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Anteaterking posted...

I can't speak for everyone in this topic obviously, but what I'm saying is that people are focusing too much on the "Wow their car lot is way bigger" instead of "Wow they get their car for free, whereas guys have to pay!".

Personally thats another one of my annoyances with it as well but to be fair, that particular point wasnt the purpose of this topic or the video that the TC posted

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Bananana posted...

its not womens fault that men tend to have lower standards than them

It actually is, though.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Dp76ujlVAAAFDt6.jpg

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tehzeldafanboy posted...

It actually is, though.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Dp76ujlVAAAFDt6.jpg

This is just a personal observation/thought And could very well be complete BS (Im certainly open to hearing opinions) but I have at least wondered if women judging my men so harshly is at least in some part tied to how thirsty men are. When dudes are after you like that and constantly praising you and trying to get with you, it naturally will make you think more highly if yourself than where you actually may be and because of that you start to see even average looking dudes as beneath you. Even when you are hovering around average yourself.

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The one thing I found quite telling about the video was how demoralized she was at seeing her matches dwindle to 1 match a day. She was on the verge of depression there. It's insane how much value she attached to getting a high number of matches. Once they went down you could see she felt like she wasn't worth a damn and it damn near broke her.

And you guys are being disingenuous in arguing women have it worse. If anyone would have to choose between 300 matches with bad eggs, and 10 where you won't get responses unless you're charismatic, the former would be chosen 10/10 times.
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Sad_Face posted...

The one thing I found quite telling about the video was how demoralized she was at seeing her matches dwindle to 1 match a day. She was on the verge of depression there. It's insane how much value she attached to getting a high number of matches. Once they went down you could see she felt like she wasn't worth a damn and it damn near broke her.

Imagine how she would have felt if it would have been her own profile she she was using when this happened

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Twin3Turbo posted...

Imagine how she would have felt if it would have been her own profile she she was using when this happened

Yeah no doubt eh.

This is just an experiment for her. Guys have to live with this reality.

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Don't mind me, I have a fit whenever I can manage it, no matter how flimsy the pretext.

NotYou posted...

Don't mind me, I have a fit whenever I can manage it, no matter how flimsy the pretext.

You okay?

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SwayM posted...

You okay?

Are you implying that I'm not? You don't even know me. Cut out this judgmental shit.

He not okay.

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Dating sites/apps also game their system against men. There's that famous example of the hacker that reverse engineered the system so he got all the good women and finally ended up in a pleasant relationship. Basically it's to their advantage to keep people single but with the promise of sex or companionship or whatever. Just wish I could game that algorithm as well.

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It's certainly easier for women overall on dating app but let's not act like it's all champagne and roses for them. They have to deal with things like dick picks and guys losing their shit because the woman didn't respond within 12 hours.

And on paper, it sounds great to have 100 options to choose from but it's been shown that psychologically people have an easier time making good decisions when they have fewer things to choose from. If you have 3 options, chances are good that you'll be able to pick the best of those 3. If you're looking at 100, then you're a lot more likely to choose a bad option because you don't have time to look at all them properly. So you wind up choosing factors that are easy to apply rather than evaluating based on what is most important.

I think it's dumb to bicker about who has it worse. We should be more bothered by the fact that most dating apps are shitty for both men and women. They are designed in a way that encourages shallow behavior.

The problem is that most men seem to take the tactic of messaging lots and lots of women in the hopes that one of them will respond. And I get why that would seem like a good idea. You miss all the shots you don't take, right? The problem is that when everyone is doing it, it creates a situation where women have more people messaging them than they can possibly give proper attention to, and they wind up looking for reasons to reject people just to thin the herd down to something more manageable. It doesn't help that so many men are also just dashing off their messages with little thought to whether they really want to be with someone. Or they could be pretending they want a real relationship when really they want sex but lying makes it easier to get their foot in the door.

But if you, as a man, do decide to buck the trend and only send to a few people that you are really interested in, you're going to get lost in the flood. If dating apps limited the number of people you could message a day, then men would be forced to put more thought into it and women would have a more manageable number of people to look at. Also the apps should be thinning the crowd from the start. Apps that focus on matchmaking and filtering for more likely matches are much better than ones that just give everyone free rein.

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action52 posted...

And on paper, it sounds great to have 100 options to choose from but it's been shown that psychologically people have an easier time making good decisions when they have fewer things to choose from. If you have 3 options, chances are good that you'll be able to pick the best of those 3. If you're looking at 100, then you're a lot more likely to choose a bad option because you don't have time to look at all them properly. So you wind up choosing factors that are easy to apply rather than evaluating based on what is most important.

Yeah I'm a guy who has over 100 matches and I wish I had closer to 3 so I could choose the best of those instead... Why would anyone say that?

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action52 posted...

I think it's dumb to bicker about who has it worse. We should be more bothered by the fact that most dating apps are s***ty for both men and women. They are designed in a way that encourages shallow behavior.

You didn't watch the video. These discussions are necessary to help build empathy to both genders as it's only going to get worse. The incel population will continue to grow where more guys will check themselves out of society as with no chance of a relationship, there's less motivation to contribute to society. And women suffer from overload of options as they get continuous access to the cream of the crop which raises their standards and makes it difficult for them to settle so we have an emerging population of older ladies who never settled and end up single and unhappy that they never got to have their family.
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Sad_Face posted...

You didn't watch the video. These discussions are necessary to help build empathy to both genders as it's only going to get worse. The incel population will continue to grow where more guys will check themselves out of society as with no chance of a relationship, there's less motivation to contribute to society. And women suffer from overload of options as they get continuous access to the cream of the crop which raises their standards and makes it difficult for them to settle so we have an emerging population of older ladies who never settled and end up single and unhappy that they never got to have their family.

The future is a 40-year-old man that's been single for 2 decades, never married, no kids, and a 40-year-old woman that's been single for 2 minutes out of her entire life, married three times, four kids... but now no one wants her. This will be everyone, and it will be lonely af for both genders, but at least one gender had the chance to make something of it. Not my fault that endless opportunities got squandered just to "travel and have fun and find someone to vibe with" and to "just be a 20-something enjoying life".

Not wrong

Crayon_Lover posted...

Yeah I'm a guy who has over 100 matches and I wish I had closer to 3 so I could choose the best of those instead... Why would anyone say that?

It's true that no one would say that, but study after study shows that you probably would wind up in a better position with the three choices.

Anyway I suspect that if the situations were reversed, you would not be anywhere near as happy as you think you would. The real solution is for the apps to have better quality control so everyone can have a manageable number of choices that is filtered to give good results as much as possible. That is what people should be complaining about with these apps, not whining because the shitty situation is marginally better for women than for men.

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I'm starting to think that the only guys in life with a chance for a healthy relationship with a decent looking girl are the ones with good childhoods, somewhat wealthy families, somewhat conventional attractiveness, and a good job. Even a lot of famous guys like comedians who lack some of the "healthy" traits don't have good relationships. I also know plenty of good-looking guys who had broken families growing up and they don't have their pick of the litter. I think it's that you face problems everyone faces and you don't have the resources to get past it and you just sort of stall.

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berlyman101 posted...

I'm starting to think that the only guys in life with a chance for a healthy relationship with a decent looking girl are the ones with good childhoods, somewhat wealthy families, somewhat conventional attractiveness, and a good job.

I'm pretty sure having those things is more important to begin with.


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berlyman101 posted...

I'm starting to think that the only guys in life with a chance for a healthy relationship with a decent looking girl are the ones with good childhoods, somewhat wealthy families, somewhat conventional attractiveness, and a good job.

It's much simpler: you just have to get it sorted out when you're young. If you don't find someone right out of high school and marry them within like a year of graduation, your chances of finding a healthy relationship decrease. Exponentially.

If you're a male, and you make it past 21 or 22 without marrying, that's it, you're done. Very few exceptions on that one. Women can make it to maybe 27 and still find someone decent, but that's if they even want to settle down by then.

There are only three scenarios where women don't view men as just an item in a shopping catalog: high school, church, and the workplace. Finding your high school sweetheart obviously requires that you both be in high school. Church only works if you're below 22, after that it's creepy. And workplace just doesn't work at all because women view the men they work with even worse than strangers.

It really is just a combination of age and luck. Get it done while you're young, or that's it. Women have some leeway. Men don't.

Also, to directly reply to your point: you can be a good-looking man with a great professional job and fantastic personality, and you still have probably a 75% chance of never finding a healthy relationship. On the other hand, you can be an ugly woman with no job and no personality and get whatever relationship you want (problem is, it's usually a bad one lol).

BallroomBetch posted...

It's much simpler: you just have to get it sorted out when you're young. If you don't find someone right out of high school and marry them within like a year of graduation, your chances of finding a healthy relationship decrease. Exponentially.

If you're a male, and you make it past 21 or 22 without marrying, that's it, you're done. Very few exceptions on that one. Women can make it to maybe 27 and still find someone decent, but that's if they even want to settle down by then.

There are only three scenarios where women don't view men as just an item in a shopping catalog: high school, church, and the workplace. Finding your high school sweetheart obviously requires that you both be in high school. Church only works if you're below 22, after that it's creepy. And workplace just doesn't work at all because women view the men they work with even worse than strangers.

It really is just a combination of age and luck. Get it done while you're young, or that's it. Women have some leeway. Men don't.

I'm not as pessimistic with your conclusion but there is some truth to it. A lot of people cheat to get out of relationships when they're young, though, so it's certainly no panacea. A lot of guys hit their stride when they're older but they don't have the experience so they settle when they get some attention.

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berlyman101 posted...

A lot of guys hit their stride when they're older but they don't have the experience so they settle when they get some attention.

This has worked in the past because typically there's not a huge difference between Gen X and Millennials. There can be a 12-year gap and the personalities really aren't that different. But when today's Millennial men get that age and start looking for younger women, it just won't work. Even if you have a Millennial who's 25 and a Gen Z who's 21. Gen Z is much too different, the two groups are practically incompatible. Millennials at least grew up in the time before dating apps ruined relationships, so they remember what it was like and have a gold standard to strive for.

Most Millennial men will have to settle for someone their age or older, if they find someone at all. But Gen Z should be fairly compatible with next generations in the future.

I heard a girl say a couple days ago, "I just wanna enjoy being 20-something and go party. I mean my parents found each other when they were 38. I'll probably do the same thing." But people misunderstand that relationships, and gender relations in general, are time sensitive. When this girl's parents were 38, they didn't have cell phones, Insta and Snap, dating apps, etc. It was much easier to find someone. And I'm sure her grandparents probably found each other when they were like 15 lol. You can't just assume relationships will be like they were in the past. They are how they are, today. And the future is not looking good either.

I think for the most part that things will be about the same as in the past. Things change at the margins but take longer in the middle. Guys have married women ten-to-twenty years younger since forever. Maybe we'll have to be more adaptable but the important thing is hitting the checkboxes and marketing oneself.

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I'm still of the opinion that the only dating sites/apps worth a damn are specifically geared towards certain sexual fetishes or desires from a partner. Straight up one size fits all heterosexual dating apps are a headache imo - kudos if that's your only resource.

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masticatingman posted...

I'm still of the opinion that the only dating sites/apps worth a damn are specifically geared towards certain sexual fetishes or desires from a partner. Straight up one size fits all heterosexual dating apps are a headache imo - kudos if that's your only resource.

What else is a decent avenue if you're hella introverted? Girls I meet irl that I click with tend to be single, and I don't like bars.

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action52 posted...

Anyway I suspect that if the situations were reversed, you would not be anywhere near as happy as you think you would. The real solution is for the apps to have better quality control so everyone can have a manageable number of choices that is filtered to give good results as much as possible. That is what people should be complaining about with these apps, not whining because the shitty situation is marginally better for women than for men.

That sounded like sarcasm but it's not, I do have 100+ matches lol. A few years back I barely had any and it was a hopeless situation. I wasn't super ugly, more just average. Eventually I grew into my looks so now I do very well on them but it's only because of the surplus of matches that I finally lost my virginity, I had tons of options if one stopped responding which was fairly often. I don't think it's a marginal advantage for women, it's pretty substantial. Life isn't always fair lol.

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