Current Events > Fighting with my wife bc we're not having sex.

(+) Yeah! (+)

God damn there are literally people ITT suggesting TC threaten his wife into having sex with him. What the hell yall.

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I'll tell you like i told my two best friends in the same situation.

You chose her. Dont complain, either do something about it and pick better next time or shut up and play family man.

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Okay TC, my wife and I have been together over 11 years and we have a son who is 4 years and 3 months old. We went through a funk but now our sex life is amazing. Sometimes we can go a couple of weeks but pack it in the rest of the month. Here is the biggest question I have:

Is she on any medication or birth control? Recently? Her hormones could be whacked right now.

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If a woman doesn't want to have sex with you, she doesn't want to have sex with you. There's no getting around that.

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ReignFury posted...

I'll tell you like i told my two best friends in the same situation.

You chose her. Dont complain, either do something about it and pick better next time or shut up and play family man.

And this. There are ways to get your sex life back. Not only talk about it but try to win her over and shit.

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This is why you lift instead of " being yourself " and getting fucked married

Good luck with that child support

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onedarksoul posted...

If you have to talk to a woman about having more sex with you, you've already lost. At this point, its either you find something on the side, or cut bait and leave. There is no marriage counselor out there who will be able to talk her into giving you more of that good stuff.

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Tequilawhatitdo posted...

Is she on any medication or birth control? Recently? Her hormones could be whacked right now.

This is a great question. When Im on birth control, my sex drive completely vanishes.

ReignFury posted...

I'll tell you like i told my two best friends in the same situation.

You chose her. Dont complain, either do something about it and pick better next time or shut up and play family man.

Nah man, you see, over time people change or their true colors start to show. So who he married could have all been a lie. So it's not his fault, especially since he has went out of his way to try and appease her.

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Cleo_II posted...

Im sorry shes not taking your needs seriously. Marriage is a two way street. I would suggest marriage counseling before listening to the advice to just cheat.

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onedarksoul posted...

If a woman doesn't want to have sex with you, she doesn't want to have sex with you. There's no getting around that.

Sex is one of biggest reasons why relationships and marriages fail. It's an issue, and it's surprising that people can't recognize that. Of course she's not obligated to have sex with TC, but then TC is within his rights to come up with a way where he could have an active sex life because that's what he wants.

Austin_Era_II posted...

You can get 50/50 custody but if you make more than her you still pay for child support. I'm glad I didn't have a 3rd child with her. I'd be broke.

Huh, she DOES make slightly more than I do, especially after her promotion. PLUS they're all in my company's health insurance which gives her an even higher take home pay. Gotta see how that works out. Obviously whatever happens Ill support my kid. I dont want to sell the house....took so much damn work and effort to get it. Id refinance it to take advantage of the lower rates (my actual is 7 apr) to save a few hundreds there. Yes...Ive given this a lot of thought already. Think if I made a bit more money Id go straight to divorce.There are some other things from her I dislike.

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JuanCarlos1 posted...

Huh, she DOES make slightly more than I do, especially after her promotion. PLUS they're all in my company's health insurance which gives her an even higher take home pay. Gotta see how that works out. Obviously whatever happens Ill support my kid. I dont want to sell the house....took so much damn work and effort to get it. Id refinance it to take advantage of the lower rates (my actual is 7 apr) to save a few hundreds there. Yes...Ive given this a lot of thought already. Think if I made a bit more money Id go straight to divorce.There are some other things from her I dislike.

has she gotten her hormones checked?

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Tequilawhatitdo posted...

has she gotten her hormones checked?

She does have thyroid problems.

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Number090684 posted...

Nah man, you see, over time people change or their true colors start to show. So who he married could have all been a lie. So it's not his fault, especially since he has went out of his way to try and appease her.

Its a long term irreconcilable problem that isnt going to to be resolved, either shes going to put out more than shes happy with or hes going to get less than hes happy with, usually the latter. Either way its a recipe for misery.

Its not a total loss though he did get children out of the relationship. My best friend wasted 5 years with his ex wife because he didnt date her long enough to see their differences and how much baggage she had.

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JuanCarlos1 posted...

She does have thyroid problems.

Is she taking any supplements or medications? I have thyroid issues and had to get on medication and it helped tremendously. My wife hasnt gotten her hormones checked but weve run into issues similar to this and they never last forever.

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JuanCarlos1 posted...

She does have thyroid problems.

I'm guessing that explains the weight gain.

R1masher posted...

Im fighting with her too, but for different reasons

the non specificity of this comment makes it all the funnier.

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If you really wanna end it you can come up with your own separation agreement and get it notarized by a lawyer. The bank will want that if you can put the house in your name if she doesn't wanna live there.

My ex and I agreed to things. She didn't come after all my money or car. We put it in writing nobody can come after future lottery winnings, inhertience and retirement funds. We put 1 week the kids would be with me and 1 week with her. U can typically get free 30 mins legal advice from a lawyer which I did also. If u have a house do not move out as that will play a key role showing that you left.

If she makes more than you then either she may have to pay u for child support or most men don't care for the money. So you won't have to pay if it's 50/50 custody.

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while spooning cant you low key just rub your dick on her

I've been in your shoes TC. I'm actually in your shoes right now. Occasionally me and my fiance will go through periods of 1-2 months where we'll only have sex like once.

I dont cheat, and I dont consider leaving, but I've started doing drugs to get that high elsewhere

It works

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Gwynevere posted...

I've been in your shoes TC. I'm actually in your shoes right now. Occasionally me and my fiance will go through periods of 1-2 months where we'll only have sex like once.

I dont cheat, and I dont consider leaving, but I've started doing drugs to get that high elsewhere

It works

Wow. You guys really make marriage sound like a wonderland. Man was not meant to live like this.

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21WIVES_CHILL posted...

This is why you dont get a wife or kids, CE.

Yeah, you get 21 wives or don't even bother

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Gwynevere posted...

I've been in your shoes TC. I'm actually in your shoes right now. Occasionally me and my fiance will go through periods of 1-2 months where we'll only have sex like once.

I dont cheat, and I dont consider leaving, but I've started doing drugs to get that high elsewhere

It works

That doesnt seem healthy >_>

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Why did you marry this woman?
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Northlane posted...

Just get a mistress

Everybody does it

No shame in it

I agree and Im being serious. Make sure the mistress knows the situation but this is a viable solution.

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https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypoactive_sexual_desire_disorder

There are medications that can help some women with this issue, so I would advise you to see a professional before making any hasty action.

Eh, just cheat and get the divorce in order.

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I had a similar problem TC.

Spend more time with her without the pressures of sex. Go out on date nights, listen to her needs, help more,

Be smart with your approach don't do the usual things like just flat out asking for sex. Ask to have a shower with her, offer her massages, nice stay in a hotel etc

If all of that fails then tell her how much it effects you and be straight up with her that you are thinking about other women because she isn't puttin out.

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NeonOctopus posted...

That doesnt seem healthy >_>

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Might have to start other women, TC. I know it is morally wrong and all but sometimes that's what a man has to do.

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Unknown361 posted...

Might have to start other women, TC. I know it is morally wrong and all but sometimes that's what a man has to do.

fuck that

You ain't no man if you cheat

go tell your wife how important sex is to you and if she doesn't understand that or doesn't care about your feelings then you're doomed as a couple and need to break up

That's what a man does

dont sneak around in a skirt like a little girl behind her back because you're a coward.
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UnfairRepresent posted...

fuck that

You ain't no man if you cheat

go tell your wife how important sex is to you and if she doesn't understand that or doesn't care about your feelings then you're doomed as a couple and need to break up

That's what a man does

dont sneak around in a skirt like a little girl behind her back because you're a coward.

A man's got to do what a man's got to do though, it can't be helped. But in all serious, don't cheat, TC. That other user is right, just talk to your woman and if things don't work or you two can't come to an agreement then just get a divorce.

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He mentioned he has other issues with her also. It's a big decision especially since a child is involved. There is more to life than just sex, but you gotta decide. Some people later in life do have a decrease or increase in sex, but there should be some sort of compromise as that's what any healthy relationship is about. Personally even something like 2 or 3 times a month should occur especially if one partner wants it. You gotta do what's best for you at the end of the day.

Many men do cheat or go to things like massage parlours or escorts which I got personally no issue with, but if you're just not overall happy with a partner then no point in being miserable and misleading someone also. By the sounds of it it seems she's not that much into you anymore which was very similar to my case.

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im not 13 posted...

I had a similar problem TC.

Spend more time with her without the pressures of sex. Go out on date nights, listen to her needs, help more,

Be smart with your approach don't do the usual things like just flat out asking for sex. Ask to have a shower with her, offer her massages, nice stay in a hotel etc

If all of that fails then tell her how much it effects you and be straight up with her that you are thinking about other women because she isn't puttin out.

Such horrible advice. Pussyfoot around an issue with your woman, don't confront your peoblems and if that doesn't magically spread her legs then cry and tell her you think about cheating? Lmfao.


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Austin_Era_II posted...

Many men do cheat or go to things like massage parlours or escorts which I got personally no issue with, but

You're a horrible person if you have no issue with cheating on people
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Fony posted...

Such horrible advice. Pussyfoot around an issue with your woman, don't confront your peoblems and if that doesn't magically spread her legs then cry and tell her you think about cheating? Lmfao.

He's already fighting her about it. Surely you aren't dense enough to see more confrontation will end badly?

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It's messed up how many people say he should cheat. Of course if this were the other way around they'd be calling the woman a no good home wrecking whore.

Yeah, don't come to CE for personal problems. Not a great place for advice.

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He shouldn't "be fighting" about it either, if she doesn't want to fuck him its over. Period. Bang out a custody agreement and move the fuck on.

Taking her to the movies and doing chores, then begging is not going to help. Confrontation is the only way forward, no matter what it leads to. Confronting the issues doesn't mean argue about it, he needs to flatly let her know he wants pussy and he's going to get it from her or either the next woman, bottom line.

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So in your eyes it's one extreme or the other? Sex me or gtfo no inbetweens

And they say romance is dead

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im not 13 posted...

So in your eyes it's one extreme or the other? Sex me or gtfo no inbetweens

And they say romance is dead

Yes dumbass, there is no sliding scale with attraction. You are in or out. You have a sex life or you don't.

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UnfairRepresent posted...

You're a horrible person if you have no issue with cheating on people

Eh...some men or even women want it a certain times and if they aren't getting it from their partner, but they enjoy their family life they'll do it instead of breaking the family apart. Personally I'm fine with a healthy poly relationship, but I'm more for mono. I'm also down for swingers. My morals have changed to a certain degree ever since becoming an atheists.

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im not 13 posted...

So in your eyes it's one extreme or the other? Sex me or gtfo no inbetweens

And they say romance is dead

It's not about sex , it's about blatant and intentional lack of caring of the wants, feelings and mental health of your partner

In this case for months on end
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I am a proud virgin, so imma gonna have to give her an applause for her for fighting for what's right. Sex is overatted nowadays when we had all other alternatives besides sex like going on a trip or play sports or something. Dont limit urself and widen ur perspectives.

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last night i banged my wife twice in like an hour because we gave each other massages after our kids went to bed

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JuanCarlos1 posted...

Ever since we've had a kid the frequency obviously dwindled and that is fine. Now 3 years later its gotten worse to once every 2 months or so. I tackled all of the issues she complained about me and bettered my self, but its even worse so that tells me it was all excuses.

Thing is that I don't want to ask or beg for sex and every time I bring it up we just fight with her getting high on the offensive. Telling me that we have it pretty good and that Im giving sex waaay too much importance, that Im going to throw away my family just over sex. I don't want to divorce, because I dont want to lose my kid and I would end up poor paying my own rent, child support...plus I sold my car so that we could have a better family car.

WTF to do? I dont want to live in a sexless marriage and i dont want to end up more miserable being divorced.

is she still mad over the corina Larsen situation?


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UnfairRepresent posted...

It's not about sex , it's about blatant and intentional lack of caring of the wants, feelings and mental health of your partner

In this case for months on end

Sex isn't something you can just command especially with women. They don't get turned on the same way men do

Yes depriving your husband from sex isn't a good thing to do but maybe she's feeling unappreciated, unwanted etc. He can't bulldoze his way out of it he himself says it hasn't worked.

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It is alarming how many times cheating has been brought up as a solution to this problem. I mean, you do you, but if you'd like to take a more moral path, here are some suggestions.

First, and I cannot express this enough, marriage counseling is absolutely necessary here. It seems you have already tried on your own and she gets defensive. The issue is more on her than on you now (based on what you've shared). A marriage counselor can give her a more neutral third party opinion and likely support you if you've been doing things right. But I get not everyone can afford a marriage counselor (or even convince the other couple to go).

My wife and I have gone through dry spells as well. There have been times I just didn't want it, and times she didn't want it. It can happen for a multitude of reasons, from stress, fatigue, to hormonal problems as others have stated. One suggestion I may recommend is try some foreplay, but without the expectation of sex. Spoon her, touch her seductively, tell her she's beautiful right before bed. I think the other user was right in that she might be self conscious about her weight gain and that affects her sex drive. There was a time when my wife was depressed due to her job being terrible. She wasn't wanting it either. Little romantic things like that in the bedroom, without pressuring her into sex, really helped. It made her feel special. I've learned that a lot of times women don't want full on sex as much as men do, but they do want the intimacy that comes with sex. Give her that intimacy, let her feel good, and she's more likely to give you sex. Probably every other time I did this, she'd get turned on enough that we'd go all the way. Eventually, as her mental health started getting better, she would initiate it herself. Now we're doing just fine. Our sex life was active even when we fostered three difficult toddlers for a year.

If it truly is hormonal, the above may not work. Medication could help. She could have cysts in her ovaries, which affect sex drive. Or thyroid problems. or IBS. There are so many conditions that affect a woman's sex drives and it can make them self-conscious and defensive. There are treatments for this that really help, but she would need to be willing to see a doctor. It's a good idea to see one anyways, sex-related or not. <_<

If none of that seems to work, then I think the problem is more than just sex-related. At that point there is a completely lack of intimacy in your marriage, and if she refuses to even try, then there are deeper-rooted issues. It's up to you at that point if you think the marriage is worth saving or if it's time to call it quits. Fortunately, if you have documented evidence of going to therapists and doing what you can to help her, it will make the divorce easier on you if it comes down to that as judges like to see which party tried harder to make it work.

It's true that marriage isn't easy. It requires a level of maintenance that you don't have to worry about when single or simply dating. For some people, marriage is just not worth the amount of work required to keep it healthy. Personally, the rewards of having a spouse vastly outweigh the work required to keep them happy and your relationship healthy. To have that one person that knows you inside out, that supports you through your toughest times and you with them, to cheer on you during your victories and hate on your enemies for you even though they don't know them. It's amazing. I can't imagine myself in a life without my wife. We have both boosted each other up and have both picked each other up from a dark place at some points in our lives. I just felt I needed to say that because this whole topic puts marriage in such a negative light that it's easy to forget why people do it in the first place.

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im not 13 posted...

Sex isn't something you can just command especially with women. They don't get turned on the same way men do

Yes depriving your husband from sex isn't a good thing to do but maybe she's feeling unappreciated, unwanted etc. He can't bulldoze his way out of it he himself says it hasn't worked.

If one half says a mild inconvenience for them is more important than the feelings and needs of the other then they are immature and a lifelong relationship is doomed

this is basic 101 communication and caring that should be established long before marriage
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UnfairRepresent posted...

If one half says a mild inconvenience for them is more important than the feelings and needs of the other then they are immature and a lifelong relationship is doomed

this is basic 101 communication and caring that should be established long before marriage

It's not as black and white as you say it is. People change situations change and it can effect

What happened before marriage can change over time. It's very common

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