Current Events > How do you deal with the loss of a loved one who dies unexpectedly?

(+) Yeah! (+)

I'm having a really hard time. I made a topic here last night telling how I lost one of my dogs to being hit by a car. I've cried my eyes out a dozen times over. So many things going through my head. This could've been prevented. If that gate was up. If that car hadn't been there at that exact moment. If I'd just grabbed her in time. I can't help blaming myself and it's eating away at me. I can't help wondering how awful it must've felt to her.
I'd give anything just be able to have her back, even just for a day. Just keep hoping that this is a bad dream. I just can't get over the fact that she's gone.
My mother and I took her body to the vet this morning to have it cremated, where she'll have a place of honor beside another of my dogs that had passed due to old age. I miss her so much.

Sorry to vent, I'm just having a really hard time.

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I was in the same boat, it's never easy friend - all you can really do is find solace in the fact that everything in this lifetime never just disappears. It gets redistributed and breathed in my something and when it's our time the only thing we can hope to do is pass on ourselves through genetics, our memories with others, and the small pieces strangers take from us and carry somewhere else unbeknownst to us. Somewhere out there is a brother or a cousin of your doggie warrior and he is making someone incredibly happy for now.

Never gone and never forgotten - don't blame yourself. It's not what your dog would've wanted out of you anyways. I know it can be difficult, but I'm glad you vented and got it off your chest man to get a little sense of peace.

Become Batman

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Drink. A lot. My cousin who was like a brother to me ended up brain dead for reasons. Took me awhile to come to grips with that.

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I'm sorry to hear that, but beating yourself up about what ifs that can't be changed isn't going to change anything. Tragic accidents happen everyday

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You can't change the past, and I know it's difficult to now dwell on it and think about the what ifs and what if I did this instead. It's done and it's over, people handle loss many different ways, so there isn't really going to be a definitive answer for you except things get easier as time goes on. In the meantime, just distract your mind, binge some television series, play a lengthy video game, hell take on a new hobby.

I've been there, I lost 2 cats I had since kittens, one was 16 and one was 19 and they both passed within 2 weeks of each other. I lost my dad and brother, all grandparents. I know you don't even know me but i'm always open to talk about things if you just want someone to talk to. Maybe some part of this is helpful, I believe the worst thing you can do is blame yourself though.

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Lukey_Bug posted...

Drink. A lot.

Terrible advice

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HzM5NKgd_YA

Jocko has some good strats here

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My mom was hit and killed by a drunk driver back in 1989 when I was 18.

Even at the time and now I'm just cold and numb over things like this.

95% of my childhood family is dead.

My parents, grandparents, uncles are all gone.

The only living people left are my two sisters and three aunts in their late 60s.

Also had two cats go MIA and two KIA over the years.

A life of experiencing death other than my own which will happen eventually.

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Me personally? I probably wouldn't be able to.

But for anyone else who would want to eventually continue on with their life and move on from it, I'd say just look up some common coping methods you can do either in your own privacy or in public on the go depending on how the loss of the loved one affects your daily life.

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Well, I'd probably be a lot more upset about losing a parent or my sibling than my dog so I guess I can't say.

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Vent away. Let your feelings out.

FWIW I doubt she felt anything. I'm sure it was quick.

When you are ready, you could consider rescuing another dog who needs a good home.

Perhaps your doggie was needed somewhere else. I'm sure she is serving her purpose honorably. (Sorry, that sounds dumb, but I'm serious.)

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By not having loved ones? I can't imagine what is it like having to rely on other people or things for emotional support. _

Poorly.

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I wish I knew what to tell you. One of my cats suddenly got sick a few months ago. He'd been perfectly healthy and then he sharply declined. The vets think he had some kind of cancer: they think there was a mass growing in his stomach and one of his lungs. I always got him the best care I could, opted for the senior bloodwork (he was sixteen years old), and did everything I could to keep him in tip top shape. Still, he faded in front of me, losing half his body weight, not eating of his own volition, and just getting worse when I made the decision to end his suffering after a particularly bad night (he was shaking and couldn't walk in a straight line).

Maybe it's not "unexpected" because I was the one who made the decision for him to die. I'll probably live the rest of my life wondering if I made the right decision. What if that bad night was just that: a bad night? Maybe he would have bounced back. Maybe I killed my sweet baby cat, who trusted me more than anything in the world and gave me a reason to get up in the morning, for absolutely no reason?

There are days where I think I made a horrible mistake and I hate myself for it. There are days where I know that I did everything I could for him and made the responsible choice. He spent his last conscious moments in my arms and being told how much he was loved. Blaming yourself doesn't change what happened; it just makes you feel bad. It's okay to miss them though.